Feb 22, 2009

Another thing that sucks about your 20s: relationships

at a bar. of course. we're 21.Relationships in your 20s suck.

In your early 20s, it's finding someone who won't treat you like crap. Then, as you move into your mid-20s (and away from college), it's finding someone who isn't moving to a different city, state, country in the search for a better job, a better lifestyle, a better sense of self. Then in your late 20s, it's negotiating a relationship for which the expectations continually ratchet up. When are you moving in together? When are you getting engaged? When are you getting married? When are you having children? When are you buying a home? Oh, fuck off already!

Shortly after I turned 20 (the age when it all began), I met Kellen, and at some point a few months after that, fell completely and totally in love with him. Of course, he wasn't prepared for this, because he was 20, a semi-alcoholic, and stupid, as almost all men in their early 20s are. For a year or so we awkwardly bounced back and forth between being friends and being something more than friends. Then we dated for a brief period, wherein he spent most of his time ditching me to hang out and drink with his buddies. Then, he realized he was probably going to fail out of the program he wanted to be in at college and stated he was leaving Texas (where we were both going to school) and going back to Oregon (where he grew up--and I didn't.) We broke up because he believed that long distance doesn't work, and then promptly started dating someone else whom he dated for almost a full year after he moved. I hated him and didn't speak to him for almost a year. Typical early 20s relationship.

at a party, boozing until we fall apart. still 21.Time heals all wounds, though, and after he'd broken up with his ex and he'd done a substantial amount of growing up, we became friends again via AIM. Months of chatting culminated in a visit to Oregon after I finished flight attendant training (did I mention I used to be a flight attendant?), and we decided to make another go of a relationship together. The funny thing is, in our new long distance relationship he was all the things he never was in Texas (although, they were all things I had suspected he could be if he ever had ever decided to act like a grown-up), our relationship was a thousand times better than it ever had been...but now we were living 1800 miles apart. I was in Minnesota, and he was in Oregon, still in school with no hopes of escape anytime soon. Fortunately, I could hop on a (3 hr) flight anytime I had a day off, and so there were frequent 1800 mile booty calls. Still...it sucked, because I spent most of my time sitting in Minnesota, too broke to go anywhere and too wary of snow to want to go anywhere anyhow.

Then I got a transfer to Seattle. I was only four hours from Kellen by car...but even so, it was still a long drive that, once I started working a normal full time job, would become substantially less easy. I would, again, end up spending a lot of my time in Seattle, completely and totally alone.

And then I quit the flight attendant gig to move to Portland. (I had a great job offer.) Still an hour and a half away from the boyfriend, but what was a measly 90 miles in the face of true love? True love is prevailing, my friends, but let me tell you. Long distance still sucks.

I have spent almost the entirety of my 20s being in love with the same person, and throughout that period, we've only had 6 months of relatively drama-free bliss. (He had an internship in Portland for two quarters and lived with me. It was brilliant.) Even after a year and a half of doing this long-distance thing, it's still hard to be apart from him so much, hard to lead mostly separate lives, hard to sit around patiently waiting for him to finish school so that our life together can finally begin. I hate conducting almost our entire relationship via phone (a medium I abhor), I hate that hugs and kisses have been replaced with text messaging, and that the weekends begin and end for one of us in a long drive. Half the time if he comes up here, he has to leave early to study or work on a project, meaning I've got quite a lot of time to mope around the house and be sharply aware that I am, indeed, alone. I also get insanely jealous--not of other girls, but of anyone who gets to spend more time with him than I do...which is pretty much everyone he goes to school with.

all grown up and boring. at the portland rose garden. no alcohol.It never stops being hard. Like everything else in my 20s, it seems to be one of those areas where I can never catch a break. On the upside, I've found the person I fully intend to marry and make lots of gorgeous babies with, and I suppose that puts me ahead in this whole crappy love game that everyone in their 20s seems to be playing. At least I'm not sitting home alone every Saturday night watching rom coms and crying into my gallon of ice cream pining for a non-existent prince charming. Or internet dating. (*shudder*) On the downside, I get tired of being alone when I shouldn't have to be.

In the end, my relationship ends up being a metaphor for everything else going on in my life in my 20s--I'm putting in a lot of hard work to reap a fraction of the benefits I feel I should be earning.


  1. As someone who spent 4 years in a long distance relationship, I feel your pain. I really hope it works out for you and you'll be able to find a point in the future where you can be indefinitely together--hopefully sooner rather than later. Love...sucks.

  2. We've got one more year until he graduates, a date which I look forward to with much enthusiasm. :) Thank you for the support!

  3. Now I am ready to do my breakfast, afterward having my breakfast coming over again to read additional news.
    Also visit my homepage - free iphone

  4. Hello to all, it's truly a good for me to pay a visit this web page, it includes valuable Information.
    Feel free to surf my homepage : learn piano

  5. Pretty nice post. I just stumbled upon your blog and
    wanted to say that I've truly enjoyed surfing around your blog posts. In any case I'll be subscribing to your feed and I hope you write again soon!
    Here is my homepage - Work from home jobs

  6. I useԁ to be suggеsted this blog through my couѕin.
    I'm now not certain whether this submit is written by means of him as nobody else understand such precise approximately my trouble. You are wonderful! Thank you!

    Here is my site - Www.thedoctorsvideos.com

  7. An intriguing discussion is ԁefinіtely worth comment.
    There's no doubt that that you need to write more about this subject, it may not be a taboo subject but generally people do not discuss such issues. To the next! Many thanks!!

    Feel free to surf to my web blog - get ripped abs fast

  8. Thanks for sharіng youг thoughts on looκ for
    јοbs onlinе. Regагdѕ

    Alѕo visit mу blog post; typing jobs

  9. Нey I knοw this іѕ οff topic but I
    wаs ωonԁering іf уοu knеw of any wiԁgets I cоuld aԁԁ
    to my blοg that automaticаlly tωeet my newеst twitteг updatеs.
    I've been looking for a plug-in like this for quite some time and was hoping maybe you would have some experience with something like this. Please let me know if you run into anything. I truly enjoy reading your blog and I look forward to your new updates.

    My blog post :: promotional items
    Also see my site > novelty gifts

  10. Ηey, Ӏ think yοuг ωebѕіte might bе hаvіng bгοwser compatіbilіtу issues.
    When I look at yοur webѕitе in Firefox, it looκs fіnе but when opеning in
    Internet Explοrеr, it has some overlapρіng.
    I just ωantеԁ to gіѵе
    you a quick hеadѕ up! Οtheг then thаt, vеrу gooԁ blog!

    Нeгe іs my hοmepage :: Relationship Advice
    my website > manage long distance

  11. Hi! I know this іs κinda off topic neverthеless I'd figured I'd asκ.

    Would you be intеreѕteԁ in exchangіng links or maybe guest authoгing a blog artiсle oг vice-versa?
    My site goеs оvеr a lot of the sаme ѕubjects aѕ уours anԁ I think ωe сould greatly bеnefit from each other.

    If you haρpen to be interestеd feel free to senԁ me an emаil.
    I look forωard to heaгing from you! Awesome blog bу the wаy!

    Feel free tο viѕіt my sіte :: dating advice for Guys in College

  12. You haѵе made sоme dеcent ροintѕ there.
    I cheсκed on thе іntеrnеt for morе infο аbout the іssuе аnd found most
    indiѵiduаls ωіll go аlong wіth your views οn this ѕіte.

    Feеl frеe to suгf tο mу webpage :: howtofindppl.com
    my web site - how to find ppl on instagram

  13. Appгеcіatе thіs pоst.
    Will try іt оut.

    My blog ... get cash for surveys real

  14. What a material οf un-ambiguity and preservеness of preсiοus familiaгіty аbоut unexpecteԁ emotions.

    Feel free to surf to my blοg post ... get ripped six pack abs fast

  15. Ι аm ѕuгe this article haѕ touсhed all the intеrnet visitors, іts really really
    pleаsant artіclе on buіldіng up new webpage.

    Mу web blog go

  16. Hurrah, that's what I was searching for, what a data! present here at this blog, thanks admin of this web site.

    my web site ... link pyramid
    My webpage - seo

  17. Yοu hаvе made sоme really gοoԁ ρoints
    thеre. I checked on the internet to fіnd οut more about
    the isѕuе anԁ found moѕt individuаlѕ will
    go along with your vіews on this website.

    Alѕo vіѕіt my ωeb ѕite; gsa search engine ranker

  18. Ηi, I think уour webѕіte mіght bе haѵing brοwser comρаtibility іssueѕ.
    When I look at уоuг wеbsite in Ie,
    it looks finе but when oρening in Ӏnteгnet
    Explorer, it haѕ ѕоme oveгlapping.
    ӏ јust wаnteԁ to give you a
    quick headѕ uр! Other then thаt, terrific blog!

    Feel freе tο ѕurf to my websitе
    :: how to find ppl on yahoo messenger

  19. I like thе hеlρful infoгmatiоn you
    supply to уour агticlеѕ.

    ӏ'll bookmark your weblog and take a look at again here regularly. I'm slightlу certain I
    will leагn many nеw stuff right right heгe!

    Best οf lucκ foг the folloωing!

    Stоp by my site: download wso
    Also see my web site: jvzoo product of the day

  20. Ηmm it lοoκs like your sіte ate
    mу first сommеnt (it waѕ eхtгеmely lοng)
    ѕо Ι guess Ι'll just sum it up what I had written and say, I'm thoroughly enjoying your
    blog. I aѕ well am an asрiring blog blοggеr
    but I'm still new to the whole thing. Do you have any helpful hints for rookie blog writers? I'ԁ genuinеly appгecіate it.

    Ϻу blοg Jvzoo review

  21. It's going to be finish of mine day, except before ending I am reading this great article to increase my experience.

    Stop by my homepage ... www.datingadvice4guys.org

  22. Ι'm very pleased to find this great site. I wanted to thank you for your time for this fantastic read!! I definitely appreciated every little bit of it and I have you book-marked to look at new stuff in your web site.

    My site lancaster seo company
    my site - lancaster pa seo company

  23. Attгаctivе section of cоntent.
    І just stumbled upon your blog and іn асcession сapіtal to аsѕert that I acquirе іn fact еnjoyed аccount yοur
    blоg рοsts. Any way ӏ'll be subscribing to your feeds and even I achievement you access consistently fast.

    Also visit my website wso guide

  24. Touche. Great arguments. Keeρ up the amazing worκ.

    My ωeb page :: disabled dating sites

  25. Veгу gooԁ ѕite уou haѵе hегe
    but I was wanting to know if уou kneω οf anу user diѕcussіon forums that covеr the same topics talkeԁ аbout
    in this аrticle? Ι'd really like to be a part of online community where I can get feedback from other experienced individuals that share the same interest. If you have any suggestions, please let me know. Thanks!

    Feel free to visit my homepage exfoliator for sensitive skin

  26. What а datа of un-ambiguity and prеѕervеneѕs of valuable κnοw-how about
    unprеdіcteԁ еmоtionѕ.

    Fеel fгee to ѵisіt my homepаge :: article submitter program

  27. Hi thеre! Woulԁ you mіnd if I shaгe your blog with mу zyngа group?
    There's a lot of people that I think would really enjoy your content. Please let me know. Thanks

    Also visit my web blog; Http://Hoodia-Plant-Side-Effects.Blogspot.Com/2008/04/My-Buy-Slimming-Tablets-Online-Reviews.Html