Yesterday the boyfriend and I spent Easter with his parents, my future in-laws. While we were sitting around talking after dinner, the future mother-in-law (henceforth known as FMIL) and my boyfriend's brother's girlfriend (henceforth known as H2) started talking about weddings. H2 and my boyfriend's brother (henceforth known as H1) started dating something like six years ago, when they were still in high school, and so like the boyfriend and me, it's pretty much a given they will get married eventually.
As H2 started talking about all of her big wedding plans, I got kind of excited that someone else would be doing the big wedding that the boyfriend's family is so fond of, and I chirped in (stupidly), "Good! That means the pressure's off me to have the big wedding!"
Wrong thing to say.
FMIL swivels to give me a hard look. "Oh, so that's what you think?" She was just kidding, but it did mean that suddenly the scrutiny over wedding dates was now on me. So the question had to be asked (as it is regularly asked by all of my relatives too), "So when are you getting married?"
I really hate the question, "When are you getting married?" I have no idea when I'm getting married. I don't even know when I'm getting engaged. That alone could be over a year away. So wedding? I don't know. And when I look to my boyfriend to help me out, he's staring very pointedly off into space, faux ignoring the whole conversation. Thanks, boyfriend!
Luckily, I have some experience with this question, and I managed to deflect through the magical powers of the "My boyfriend is still in college" excuse. Unfortunately, though, answering this question just means it's time to move on to bigger fish. You know the question I'm talking about.
"So when are you going to have kids?"
Uhhhh... I think it's worth pointing out that my boyfriend is still in school. We're only 24, three years younger than any of our parents were when they started spawning. Kellen doesn't even have health insurance. On what planet are we qualified to have kids? (Don't answer that. I know many people think functioning reproductive organs are all you need to qualify for baby-making.) And, you know, I'm not ready to have kids. I want to enjoy my size 4 bikini body while I have it. I want to enjoy my free time while I have it. I want to enjoy traveling and snuggling with my boyfriend and going to movies whenever I want and getting to do nothing in the evenings and the weekends and pretty much whenever the eff I want for as long as possible. I want to start a savings account and pay off my credit card debt and get to enjoy my income for a while.
I just don't want children right now. It's not even something I really want to discuss. And while I know my response to the question probably leads people to believe I don't want children at all or that I'll be a selfish mother if I do have them, neither of these is true. I just want my life to myself for a little while longer. I know that's horribly selfish, but better for me to indulge that impulse now than a few years from now when I do have children.
I don't know. It's a question that makes me nervous just answering it. I know people are going to pass judgment no matter how I answer the question, and I know there are going to always be rebuttals. "But, dear, no one is ever ready to have children." Maybe not. But I know a lot of people who make the decision that now is the best time, actually go out of their way to try to have them, and then are very, very excited when they find out they are pregnant. I don't want to have children at any point in my life if the response to the plus sign is tears. I know that day will come at some point in the probably not too distant future, but for now, I'm happy with my life the way it is.
Anyhow. Apart from that, I had a really lovely weekend. I love the boyfriend's parents and had a great time hanging out with them this weekend. I'm super happy that they will be my kids' grandparents someday, because they are wonderful, wonderful people. I just hope everyone is cool with the fact that for now my reproductive mantra is, "No babies."