Twenty Something

Update-age

2010-04-08T10:23:00.000-07:00

Hey, guys! Just wanted to post a second update about moving over to the new blog, Special Snowflakes and Other Myths.

Update your RSS feeds! :)

Moving on up!

2010-03-24T14:56:00.000-07:00

With my marriage last Tuesday, my last name is changing and so is my e-mail. In an effort to simplify my google accounts, and also to start with a clean blogging slate, I'm moving on over to:

Special Snowflakes and Other Myths

Hope to see you there! :)

I just thought of another great thing about our wedding date:

2010-03-01T20:50:00.000-08:00

So we arranged our wedding date (March 16) largely around when my mom would be on spring break. No, my mom is not a college student. She is a principal for an elementary school. Anyhow, because it was almost impossible to find many days together in the spring where she wasn't going to be doing testing or supervising ballgames or any of the other myriad duties of a small town school administrator, spring break was really the best time for all of us to get away for a few days.

So one great thing about our wedding date: it's easy for my parents to come.

It's also the day before St. Patrick's Day which means Kellen pretty much never has an excuse to forget our anniversary. I never forget dates, but I'm willing to accept a certain degree of inevitability that someday I might not be as sharp as I am today, so in 60 years or so, I'm assuming this will be useful. (Personally, I'm hoping my memory is the last thing to go and that I hold onto all of my memories for-e-ver if for no other reason than to spitefully remind everyone of every time they've been wrong, but I've been right.)

The not so great thing about our wedding date? In addition to being during my mom's spring break, it's pretty much everyone else's spring break too. I'm hoping like crazy that we avoid the throngs of drunk 19-year-olds that are bound to be crawling all over the beach in Puerto Vallarta.

BUT. Tonight I remembered the absolute best thing about our wedding date: we'll be in Mexico the entire week of SXSW.

For the record, I hate SXSW. When I lived in Austin, it was mostly just annoying because if you stayed in Austin for spring break, you couldn't go anywhere without running into bajillions of people. Driving was miserable. Parking was (more) miserable (than usual.) Now that I don't live in Austin, though, it becomes the week that every pretentious d-bag with an internet connection descends on my beloved city and every single social network I'm on becomes flooded with their pretentious d-baggy bragging about going to all of the places I love.

This is incredibly unfair because 1) they get to be in Austin, and I don't, and 2) they are so busy bragging about how awesome they are for being at SXSW, they completely forget that they are in the best city in the world. Austin is not the backdrop for you to demonstrate your superiority against, and for not adequately appreciating Austin as being more than a place where you go to rub elbows with a bunch of other d-bags, what you actually demonstrate is how much you suck at life.

*cough*

So yeah. I have a lot of ire directed toward SXSW. And since I'm going to be in Mexico that entire week for the wedding and blissful honeymoon sans internet connection, that means I get to miss the whole goddamn thing...a complete impossibility if I were anywhere near the internet for that week, no matter how hard I try to avoid the ubiquitous, "Look how cool I am! I'm at SXSW!" posts/tweets/articles/etc.

I. Am. Excited. (Well, even more than I already was.)

Bride brain

2010-03-01T15:49:00.001-08:00

You'll have to pardon me. I honestly don't have a lot on my mind lately other than wedding-related stuff. We leave for Mexico in t-minus 13 days. I've been trying to scrabble together some outfits for the warmer weather, since I've outgrown pretty much all of my old summers clothes. I also had to pick up new luggage, buy a new dress and get it altered, and think about all the things I've yet to do, like: finalize a hairstyle, write my own vows, get in touch with the officiant, make a playlist for music during the ceremony.

I've also got about 100 yds of fabric that needs to be washed, pressed, and cut out before our May reception in Texas. I called around to various and sundry cleaners to see how much it would cost to have all of the fabric laundered and pressed by someone else. I was thinking around $100...$200 max. Uh-uh. It's going to be nearly $500. So I guess I'm going to buy a decent iron (mine is a $10 cheapie that doesn't take wrinkles out, even after drenching the fabric in wrinkle releaser) and devote God only knows how many hours to ironing all of this shit (pardon my French) myself.

There are also pompoms to make and wooden cutouts to find and order and bunting to sew.

Yikes.

Then it's on to the Washington reception where literally nothing has been done in preparation, and actually I should be e-mailing the coordinator instead of writing here...

I do have occasional thoughts about other things. Like: the position that I was interested in fell through. Or: I really hope this big all-hands call coming up in a couple of weeks isn't another mass layoff announcement.

But honestly, all I've been able to think about is wedding, wedding, wedding. Expect this to be the case until mid-July.

Ugh.

2010-02-17T16:12:00.000-08:00

Make that 11 plane tickets.

I'm so excited about getting married, but I'll be super happy when all of this wedding business is over.

(Silver lining: Kellen paid off all of his credit cards last week! YAY!)

Credit card madness!

2010-02-12T15:56:00.000-08:00

I officially paid my credit card down to zero back in September. Of course, since then, I've bought a whopping 9 plane tickets and put another $2500 on that same credit card. At the same time, I finally paid off the other credit card with my dental work and my dog's surgery on it last month.

Is this how it always is with credit cards? As soon as you get one paid off, you just pile a bunch of other money on it later? Really, if it weren't for all of the plane tickets (mostly wedding related), this wouldn't be so much of an issue. But still. It's enough to make me want to cut up all of my credit cards.

Unfortunately, I still have all the numbers memorized.

*sigh*

Turning point

2010-02-10T21:54:00.000-08:00

“No, no, no, Lisa. If adults don’t like their jobs, they don’t go on strike. They just go in every day and do it really half-assed.”

- Homer Simpson

So if there is one constant on this blog, it's probably that I complain about my job. A lot. Without being too harsh on my employer, it's worth noting that I think a lot of my criticism of my workplace is completely valid, and that it is more than shared by many of my co-workers.

That being said, I have been pleasantly surprised with how much better work has been in 2010. I mentioned a few months back that I switched teams at work, and to be honest, being under new management has really helped. My supervisor is fantastic. She does a great job of managing our work loads and organizing our assignments for us, and she says thank you and recognizes people for their work. It's amazing how something as small as a "thank you" can really make you feel, well, like what you're doing isn't a pointless waste of time.

I don't think I ever brought it up before, but for about 6 months last year, I was doing the work of 2.5 people pretty much all by myself. One of the developers who was supposed to be on the team was being unofficially farmed out to another project, and the other developer who was supposed to be dividing her time between dev work and a new management position on the team ended up spending most of her time doing management work. As a result, I got stuck with most of our development work, but because on paper it looked like I was only doing the work of one person, I never got any credit for it. (This includes not getting paid for all the hours of overtime I put in trying to get all my work done.) If anything, I caught flack any time the quality of my work dropped off or I had to request to have a deadline pushed back. My HR supervisor gave me a really hard time about it and basically told me flat out that he thought I was a slacker. When I told him that the only way to resolve my "performance issues" was either to give me official overtime to do it in or to cut back on my work load, he just went "Huh" and started to make suggestions like check lists.

It was frustrating. I worked my ass off, and I got worse than nothing in return from my entire team. I became an employee who came with a warning label (no, really, they warned my new supervisor about me when I switched teams and told her I wasn't able to code and that I liked to surf the internet a little too much) for little other reason than complete mismanagement of resources and projects on my previous team. Not super surprisingly (at least not to me), after I left the team, the person they'd move into the management position for the team got taken out of the position, and they hired a third developer. My HR supervisor was suddenly willing to entertain the idea that maybe I hadn't been lying about all the work I had to do.

And despite the warnings given to my new project supervisor, she pretty much treated me like a blank slate when I started. When I told her what I was capable of, she actually let me prove it, instead of simply saying that I couldn't and passing me over. And when I showed repeatedly that I could do high-quality work quickly, she recognized that I was doing a great job. We had a meeting at the end of last year to discuss my performance on the team, and it was overwhelmingly positive, and she passed along her review to both her HR supervisor and mine.

I have received more thank you's and kudos in the last 4 months than I received in the entire 20 months prior. That feels good. And in turn, that makes me feel better about my job. I feel like I'm actually kind of useful.

In January, I got put on a project for another team while my team was experiencing a lull. I got to work with one of our new managers and an entire team I've never had the opportunity to work with before. I did a good job and, I think, was much more useful than they expected. It was really fun working with new people, too, because they didn't have any preconceived notions about me. They treated me like a valued and respected coworker, someone who was their equal and not just some dumb kid who spends too much time on teh intarwebz.

While I know I shouldn't let myself be so easily influenced by how I am treated at work--I should be committed to quality regardless--when you feel like what you are doing doesn't matter or that people aren't paying attention, so who cares if you do a good job?, your work will be influenced by that. There has been a definite shift though in the past few months where I feel like people are paying attention and my contributions matter. There are people invested in me, and that, in turn, makes me feel more invested in my job. I no longer cringe every time I start on a new assignment because I know it's going to be a wasted effort. It's now an opportunity to show what I'm capable of.

There are a lot of lessons to be learned here, I think. That if you want good employees, you should be good to your employees. That you can't expect people to grow if you shove them in a dark corner and deprive them of water. That you shouldn't let yourself become jaded--keep pushing for new opportunities to prove yourself. And when you get a second chance to do that, don't let it pass you by.

I'm actually kind of excited about some of the things going on at work now, and this has inspired me to work harder and push harder and prove that I am capable of a whole lot more than I have been allowed to show. Now that I have the opportunity, I'm running with it.

Writing a letter of recommendation...for myself?

2010-02-09T17:05:00.001-08:00

So at work, I've been presented with an opportunity. (Yeah. I'm just as shocked as you.) They are considering implementing Google Analytics on my company's entire website (which is pretty substantial), and they're looking for a person or team of people to head that up. One of my supervisors came to me and asked me if I knew anything about Google Analytics and if I'd be interested in the job.

I am fairly familiar with Google Analytics. I've implemented it on several of my own sites/blogs and helped my father-in-law implement it on his business website so he could get better statistics regarding where his web traffic comes from. I understand the basics of Analytics, insofar as they are useful to my sites. (I use the features that give me information on my users (country, language, browser), the content they view the most, and how they find my site (referring sites and keywords are probably the most useful.) There are some features I haven't used: events and goals.

And obviously, implementing Analytics on a super massive site like my company's, which actually has multiple sites within the larger site, would be a whole new ball game in terms of organization and quantity of data. It's not something I've done before...but is it something I know I can do? Yes. Is it something that has pricked my ears up? Oh, hell yes.

I'm really looking for growth. I've been frustrated over the past year or so that every time I've tried to move upward or outward, I've only managed to hit brick walls. The fact that I was approached for this (possibly because some of the managers are kind of snoopy and have seen my Analytics screen a few too many times--oops) is, regardless of the reason, pretty exciting. It means that they're starting to think that I might be capable of taking on greater responsibility, which is reassuring.

They've requested I submit a proposal recommending myself for the new position. I've spoken with the supervisor in a little more depth about what, exactly, they are looking for. I think I've got a pretty good idea but what I'm recommending myself for now, but I've never had to write a recommendation for myself.

Anyone have any suggestions or references?

Life goes on...

2010-01-27T14:13:00.000-08:00

So a lot has happened since my last update.

The biggie is that Kellen graduated! His last college internship wrapped up last month, and he's been gainfully employed in a Big Boy engineering job for over a month now. I'm so proud of him and so excited that we are moving into the next stage of our lives together.

The wedding gets ever-closer. The date is March 16, which leaves us just over a month to get everything together and ready to go. I've been in touch with a wedding planner in Mexico, where we're getting married, and it seems like everything is going to be ready to go when we get down there. We won't be doing the legal wedding here in Oregon until after we get back (name change issues), but...that still will be happening VERY SOON.

On the budget front, we've been trying to figure out things like student loan payments (together, we've got an epic $90,000+ in student loan debt) and getting Kellen a new car. We were hoping his '96 police interceptor would hold out a few more months until we could get together a down payment for a new Outback (it's going to be his baby-totin' car...you know, in a couple of years when we decide to make babies for him to tote), but on his way to work one morning a few weeks back, it threw a rod. Goodbye, engine. Goodbye, police interceptor. We were at least lucky in that we still had the van from Kellen and our roommate, Max's trip to Burning Man, and when Max moved out earlier this month to start his semester abroad in Denmark, Max more or less gave his old '93 Civic to Kellen. It ain't pretty, but at least it drives! And it spares us a large car payment/insurance payment for at least a few months...

I'm almost at my 2-year anniversary at work. It blows my mind that time has passed so quickly. Now that Kellen is working, it's like we've officially become grown ups, as opposed to just pretending to be them. Kind of strange.

Anyhow, I'll try to update more once the wedding business is all out of the way. It's been busy, busy, busy for the past few months.

The good thing about these little emotional breakdowns?

2010-01-03T20:57:00.001-08:00

I usually end up doing something when I have them, and I feel better about the steps I've taken later. They may be baby steps, but at least they're steps!

The frustration sets in...

2010-01-03T19:35:00.000-08:00

After two blissful weeks of family, food, and presents--and only three short days of work wherein I had nothing to do but finish book 12 of the Wheel of Time series--I'm feeling very resistant to the whole idea of going back to work. I never thought I'd be working here for so long. I was going to make it through a year and, if there were no prospects for promotion on the horizon, move on to something else. Of course, right before my one year anniversary, the bottom fell out of the economy and I've spent the last year scouring job postings for something more appealing, only to find there are hardly any jobs out there at all.

I'm still not sure what I want to do with myself. I'm thinking about starting a master's program for HCI in the fall but it's so expensive and I'm not sure, not 100% sure, that that's what I want to do. I don't know what I want to do at all. I know I want to do something, but every time I come up with one idea, it just doesn't quite seem to be it.

I feel like I'm chasing mirages. Some dream job/perfect life that doesn't exist.

There are other things. When we got home this afternoon, I took one look around our apartment and wanted to cry. Everything is such a mess. There are a lot of things that need to be thrown out, even more that need to be organized and put away instead of placed in semi-related piles all over the house, and everything needs to be cleaned. For some of it, there is no other word than filthy.

I hate coming home to that. It seems like everything else in my life. A lot of cluttered useless bullshit that I don't need but can't throw away, endless piles of things that I don't know if I need or not and so I let them stack up, and so many corners where all the garbage has been pushed, instead of being tossed out.

I'm so frustrated with everything, but mainly with myself. Why can't I make a decision? Why can't I choose a direction? My whole life, I've always had a clear plan. Ambition, goals, drive. Now there is nothing to move toward. At least, nothing definitive.

I don't know what to do.

Happy New Year!

2009-12-31T14:04:00.001-08:00

Here's hoping your 2010 is a big improvement over 2009!

Instead of traveling, writing and trying to figure out what we want, should we be marrying and having babies?

2009-12-29T09:51:00.000-08:00

Welcome to Your Quarterlife Crisis - Eye Weekly - by Kate Carraway

When a contemporary 25-year-old’s parents were 25, they weren’t concerned with keeping their options open: they were purposefully buying houses, making babies and making partner. Now, who we are and what we do is up to us, unbound to existing communities, families and class structures that offer leisure and self-determination to just a few. Boomer and post-boom parents with more money and autonomy than their predecessors has resulted in benignly self-indulgent children who were sold on their own uniqueness, place in the world and right to fulfillment in a way no previous generation has felt entitled to, and an increasingly entrepreneurial, self-driven creation myth based on personal branding, social networking and untethered lifestyle spending is now responsible for our identities.

There is something about all of these critiques of quarterlife crises that kind of bother me. That quarterlife crises are almost wholly the province of middle to upper-middle class kids with an education and with a whole lot more opportunity for, to put it in nice terms, fucking about rather than working goes without saying. While I get tired of the "it's just a bunch of whiny rich kids," I can see where the argument comes from. But it's this look back over the shoulder to "a better time" that gets me.

"When I was your age, I was getting married and having children, not any of this nonsense about seeing the world or figuring out what I wanted."

Really? Is that the preferable path? That people once accepted the status quo, got jobs they didn't particularly care for, married and had children even if that wasn't particularly what they wanted, bought homes in neatly planned little subdivisions in the 'burbs, and then at 40 or so had the same kind of crises many of us are having in our 20s--self-doubt, self-worth, where is purpose and meaning, etc.--just with 20 less years to change paths?

I think one of the reasons why kids today have quarterlife crises is because we've seen how little happiness the myth that a house in the suburb with 2.5 kids and a dog and a "comfortable" job has afforded our parents and maybe even also our grandparents. We have the self-awareness to realize that just because this is the ideal that has been sold for 60+ years, that doesn't make it the right lifestyle for everyone, that it may not be the right lifestyle for us. At the same time, though, there is little opportunity to have a different kind of life. At every turn, people try to push you back into the mainstream. Get that 9-to-5 job. Buy that house. Snag that husband. Have those babies. Don't forget the dog!

There is also, of course, a fear that if we do something different, we'll end up in a place that we like even less, that we're even less suited for. Obviously, this is a phenomenon only for those who have the certain degree of economic privilege to make this sort of choice possible to begin with, and for that reason a lot of people treat considering making different choices as frivolous. At the same time, some of the questions that underscore the quarterlife crises so many experience are important. They challenge the idea that the status quo is the right choice, that it should be the only choice and the choice toward which all people should strive. A person having a quarterlife crisis asks: is this lifestyle really all it's cracked up to be?

I think overwhelmingly the answer is no. You're looking at a generation of kids who were raised in this "perfect" environment that has been touted as the paramount of personal achievement for most Americans at least for over half of a century, and they are rejecting "perfection" in large enough numbers that it is notable. You can argue that these youth are taking their privilege for granted or that kids these days don't appreciate what they have, but maybe what they are really saying is that all of the material things and material privilege don't bring significant meaning and value to life. Maybe what they are saying is that maybe we should value different choices, different lifestyles, because those choices might bring something better, both to individuals and to society at large.

The fact that young people are so harshly ridiculed for questioning the life they were born into ("you're spoiled," "you're entitled," etc.) is sort of confusing to me. Yes, these are essentially a bunch of (comparatively) wealthy kids who have privilege that many others don't, including the privilege to question the wealth and status quo they were brought up in and which gave them access to wealth and privilege to begin with. But is questioning whether the very wealth and privilege they were born into are valuable or if that status quo is worth perpetuating really a bad thing?

I don't know. For me personally, the answer is no. I've got a lot of questions. I may not know the exact direction I want to go in life. But I think the fact that I'm not just accepting the life handed me, the fact that I want something more--for myself, for those around me--is a good thing. Yes, I'm lucky enough to have the opportunity to question whether or not the status quo is a smart choice, but who better to question the status quo than those most likely to perpetuate it?

The Oughties in Review

2009-12-16T20:13:00.000-08:00

I'm having a hard time processing that a decade has passed since the Y2K scare or that we're now far away from my high school years that I can see how truly awful the fashion was or that I'm *cringe* 25. Really, I just can't believe how quickly, in particular, the last 8 years have passed. How college just flew by and how long it's actually been since I was in college. How grown up I really am.

The Oughties pretty much encompassed all of my late teens and early 20s, a pretty crazy period where you start doing all of that cliched "finding yourself" and making pretty epically dumb mistakes. All the same, it was so much fun. I thought I'd share my last decade with you guys.

Check it out, guys. This is in the spring of 2000. I'm posing here in my overalls with two of my equally styling classmates for a yearbook picture. Check out those tall socks. Oh, yeah. The epitome of cool.

This is the facial expression I wore pretty much all the time between the age of 13 and about 19. I'm wearing surprisingly little eyeliner here, considering that most of the time, I looked like a raccoon. Eyeliner = angst. The more eyeliner you wear, the more angsty you are.

My junior year I went to a youth leadership conference in Washington, DC. We were there the week following the 2000 election, which, if you will recall, was when we couldn't figure out who had been elected president. Looking back on it, being in DC at a conference that taught you about how government works during this "historic time" was pretty Forrest Gump-esque.

At the FCCLA (the name was changed from Future Homemakers of America the year before) banquet, waiting for officer initiation. Girls had to wear all white for initiation. I have no idea what boys would have worn, because we never had any boys as officers, or even as members, even after they changed the name to something less archaic.

You remember this. The white background and white props for senior pictures. I know in most places this trend went out with the 90s, but in the backwoods, they were still rocking this well into the middle of the next decade.

Prom blew. I wasn't a huge fan of my date. To begin with, he was someone I knew, which when I was 17 pretty much automatically put you on my HATE list. But also, as we were riding to prom in his pick-up truck, he told me I would never make it through college and would be back home within a year. I think I made it through that first year at college just to spite him.

High school graduation. Happiest day of my life up to that point. It meant sweet escape.

Midway through my freshman year of college, I got my first boyfriend ever (much to everyone's surprise) and joined a sorority (much to everyone's surprise.) This is us after my sorority's formal. Please note, I'm still wearing the heavy eyeliner.

Little known fact: I was the main character in the Orientation Advisors' musical skit "Burnt Orange Beauty" in UT's talent show, Texas Revue. It was really awesome.

Hanging out with some OAs on our trip to New Orleans. This was such a fun summer. I loved, loved, loved the OAs.

Bid Day during formal recruitment my sophomore year. This is the last photo I have of me with my sorority sisters, I think. This is the year I got super involved in Res Life, and pretty much was unable to attend any of my sorority functions for the next two years.

The URHA banquet at the end of my sophomore year with my BFF. SO CHATE!

Giving a speech about my dad at my sorority's Dad's Day my senior year. I'm really only showing this picture because, holy shit, look at all that hair. This was the beginning of my two-year streak of having BIG HAIR and BIG EARRINGS.

My 21st birthday at the famous Trudy's. This is probably the first birthday I celebrated with people other than my parents since I was about 12. A ton of people showed up, and I was blown away that people actually liked me enough to come to, well, any party that I threw actually. (Although in retrospect, they were probably just there to see me get drunk and make a fool of myself.) I had also just moved into a brand new apartment and was starting grad school in a couple of weeks. I was so unbelievably happy that night. The stuff of memories. (Kellen was there, too. <3)

Erica's 21st birthday! Another great night.

I don't think there was any particular occasion for this outing, but on this particular night, a group of us went out and got completely (please remember I was only 21!) trashed. It was so much fun. The next morning I woke up with one of the glands in my neck swollen to the size of a tennis ball (no exaggeration.) I had mono. How I still have a liver is beyond me.

This was the summer I lived with Kim and Elyse in a house in East Austin. That summer had such a distinctive feel. I can close my eyes and still remember it perfectly.

Texas football! Colt McCoy's first season. I wasn't impressed then, and I'm not impressed now. (Sorry. I know that makes me a traitor, but it's just the truth.)

My last year in Austin was the year of the theme party. Starting with my Pirates vs. Ninja birthday and ending with Shivangi's hat party. Shortly after this, people began leaving the city and moving on. :(

Erica's wedding...

My 23rd birthday. I was only in Austin for another week after five years of so much awesomeness.

Posing with my roommies at flight attendant graduation! Only a few short hours from getting my wings and flying off to...Oregon. To see Kellen. :)

Then I got an office job and moved to Oregon permanently. Grown up life begins.

Then we got Pippin...

And then we got engaged!

I wonder what the next 10 years will be like. How much we will change. How much the world around us will change. I wonder what I'll be doing. When I was 15, I had so many plans, so many goals. I've accomplished a lot of them by now. Some of the others are things I still want, but seem to be impossible. Others I have abandoned completely and can laugh at now. At 25, though, I don't have nearly as much ambition. I have no goals, not even a particularly strong direction to head off in.

A lot of people are probably coming up with resolutions now for the new year. Maybe even some are thinking about where they'll be in 10 years and starting to set long-term goals. I don't know. Not only do I not know where I want to go, in a lot of ways, I'm not really worried about it. If there's anything I've learned in the last 10 years it's that life doesn't always take you where you want to go, you won't do the things you expect to do, and you won't become the things you think you'll become. I guess I just feel like putting a lot of my pressure to become something or to achieve something specific won't necessarily get me to a place where I want to be.

So for a while, I'm just going to take things as they come. Things always work out in the end.

An exciting morning...

2009-12-08T14:05:00.000-08:00

The morning started off like any other. Kellen headed out the door at 6:20 for work, while I stayed in bed and watched 7th Heaven. About 20 minutes later, right before I hopped in the shower to get ready for work myself, Kellen called to say his car had died right in the big middle of I-84. The car had to be towed, I had to drive across Portland (twice) in rush hour traffic to get him, and chances are pretty good that his 1996 Crown Vic with 150,000 miles on it has completely lost its engine.

Which means, no more Crown Vic.

Thankfully, we still have the van that Kellen and Max bought to take to Burning Man--they were supposed to sell it as soon as they got back, so I guess sometimes procrastination is a good thing--so Kellen at least has transportation. We were also planning on getting him a new car in a couple of months anyhow. His new job starts next Monday, and his income will (hallelujah!) be doubling.

So it's not as if this is the worst thing ever. It just means we probably won't make as much money as we expected from selling his car. I can deal with that.

Kellen said sometime in the last couple of weeks that I don't seem to be worrying as much as I usually do. Think back, if you will, to February, when my old car was totaled and I was completely freaked out at the prospect of having to take on a car payment and the higher insurance that accompanies a new vehicle. My reaction to what is a very similar situation (loss of vehicle and taking on new expenses) is completely different. Kellen having a job I think is the biggest relief I can think of. We are now in a position where we can absorb those sorts of big, unexpected expenses.

Not super excited about the bill that is going to come from the body shop, still, BUT... It is nice that this whole thing happened NOW and not, say, a year ago, or even six months ago. It's nice to be able to take a bad situation and go, "Okay, not a super big deal, we can handle this."

Etiquette Cubed: a cube dweller's guide to a more tolerable work place

2009-11-17T12:44:00.000-08:00

I'm going on almost two years of working in a cube farm and over the past two years, I've developed a fairly comprehensive set of guidelines for things you should and should not do if you, too, have the misfortune of working mere feet from dozens of your closest colleagues, with nothing between you but a flimsy wall that you can see right over when you stand up. Considering that many 20-somethings will find themselves in a cubicle at some point, I think this information is worth sharing.

Smells. Smells carry in a cube farm, so you owe it to your neighbors to keep the odors at a minimum. These smells can include: general personal hygiene (shower regularly, wear deodorant), strong perfumes and colognes, food (seafood is off-limits and please don't throw away food products in your cubicle trash can--it could be a few days before anyone picks it up, and you don't want your cube to smell like a dumpster), post-smoke break smells (they may never say anything to your face, but people do talk about you and find your odor just as offensive as the guy who never wears deodorant), scented aerosols, plug-ins or cleaning products, and by all means, KEEP YOUR SHOES ON.
Sounds. Sound carries even moreso than smell in the cube farm. Whether you are having a conversation with your cube mate or are in a phone conference with a colleague at another location, you should always be aware that the people around you are trying to work. Mind your voice level at all times, because many people will find your loud talking abrasive and distracting. Whenever possible, please take phone conversations or personal discussions with other coworkers to an area away from the workspace. Break rooms, meeting rooms, stairwells, the cafeteria. I don't really care where you are, so long as I can't hear your voice. Other sounds I don't want to hear: smacking when you eat (if you haven't learned to close your mouth while you chew yet, perhaps it's time you do), music so loud others can hear it despite your head phones, finger or toe tapping, clipping your fingernails or toenails (GROSS GROSS GROSS!), belching, farting, or any of the other things your mother taught you not to do before you even started kindergarten.
Keep your business to yourself. This is an extension of the "sounds" section, but it's such an egregious offense, I felt it deserved its own special paragraph. No one wants to know about your medical history or troubles. Ditto on the medical history of anyone you may know or have even heard about. Nobody wants to hear about personal arguments with your significant other, family, or friends, and nobody wants to hear about any of their personal arguments with each other or anyone else. No arguing with divorce lawyers on the phone. No discussions of dirty nappies or diaper rash. Not only do those conversations have no business in the workplace, those discussions are often distracting and even repulsive to the people around you. Either way until 5 o'clock or step away from the cubes while you have those discussions.
Mind your own business. If you overhear someone in a cubicle near you that has absolutely nothing to do with you, do not go and ask the people having the discussion later what they were talking about. If that conversation was for you, you would have been included in it. Do not look or read over other people's shoulders, whether they are looking through paperwork, reading a book, or on their computer. I'm not sure where you got the idea that this was appropriate behavior for any setting, but this behavior is inappropriate at work and inappropriate pretty much anywhere else you may go. Unless someone invites you to look at what they are looking at, keep your eyes to yourself. It's none of your business.
What's mine is mine. Hands off! If it's not yours, don't touch it. If the owner is present, you may ask for permission. If the owner is not, DON'T TOUCH IT. If you are sitting in someone else's cube, do not touch their things or rifle through their belongings...even if they are sitting there with you. This might seem obvious to most of you, but I guarantee you that there are some people out there who are clueless. But let me reiterate: IF IT'S NOT YOURS, DON'T TOUCH IT, unless you have the express permission of the owner.

These are really the key things you need to know about working in a cubicle. There are many other items that I could list, but the offenses that seem to keep coming up over and over again, at least in my workplace, are summed up in the above. I think the whole thing can be summarized by saying: Keep your hands, eyes, sounds and smells to yourself.

Keep in mind that your neighbors are pretty much trapped in the same small space as you for at least 8 hours of the day. Be courteous, and be aware of how your behavior might be annoying others.

There are no safety nets in blogging

2009-11-16T21:53:00.000-08:00

Ina over at Ina Nutshell (hee!) posed the age old question: how much personal information should I reveal and how much should I discuss my job on my blog in an age where people are more and more routinely fired for blogging? This is something I've vented my frustrations about in the past.

Generally speaking, I think it's silly that employers fire their employees over things written in blogs or on social networks, BUT it's one of the many obnoxious realities that must be dealt with. As such, I am very against revealing too much personal information, and I am even more against revealing too many specifics about where I work or whom I work with. As I've said before elsewhere regarding a litany of things I choose not to blog about, I choose to write a blog about my life and therefore I have permission (my own) to write about myself. The people in my life didn't choose to keep a blog, and they certainly didn't choose to be part of my blog. Out of respect for them and the fact that they don't have much choice over what I write regarding them, I try to limit what I write about them and be careful about how I portray them. I think this is a good rule of thumb in general when you blog. You wouldn't necessarily want people talking about you on their blog (with or without your knowledge), so why do the same to them?

When it comes to work, I've been fairly open about my complaints, but for the most part, I try not to be too critical of any one person, and I try to paint my job as realistically as possible. My job is far from being the worst in the world, and many of the problems with my job are a necessary part of the kind of job I have. I try to acknowledge that in all, my company works just fine for many people. It's just not a good fit for me. I try to frame my unhappiness at work as a personal problem as opposed to a problem with my company, and for the most part, that's exactly what my unhappiness is. Even if someone I work with does read my blog and does recognize me, I would hope they'd see my (mostly) respectful comments about work and look the other way. At most, I think I'd get a warning to be more careful about what I write.

What I worry most about is being let go because I am so dissatisfied, and if my employer read my blog, they'd become immediately aware of my feelings toward my job. However, I do good work, and I'm a valuable employee. Plus, I've already made my dissatisfaction known to key supervisors. If they were going to let me go, they probably would have already done so. To my supervisors' credit, they seem to be more interested in keeping me happy than they do in getting rid of me because I'm not a perfect match...one of the many positives about the company I work for.

My advice to people who keep blogs: keep the personal information at a minimum--about you, about the people you write into your blog, about where you work--and keep it respectful. The worst thing you want to do is embarrass your company. Notably, you can do that even without bad mouthing your employer or your clients. You can also do that by talking about bad behavior on the weekend or irresponsible behavior outside of work, and for some employers, particularly those who are concerned with how you could be representing yourself (and by association, your employer) to potential clients, blogging about your non-work-related unprofessional behavior could be just as fatal as talking badly about where you work.

It's a fine line to walk, and ultimately you have to be responsible for your own actions and words. I don't think I would ever get fired over anything I've written, at least not in my current position. (Other places very well might react differently.) And even if I did, I feel fairly confident in saying that we'd be fine if I lost my job, and it wouldn't be the crushing blow it might have been even a month ago. So, I'm being slightly less cautious than I was before.

However, I'm still not going to call out colleagues in specific, give out identifying information regarding the company I work for, or give enough information on my blog that I could be found via a google search. (Although honestly, I'm still pretty easy to find if you know what to look for.) Just be cautious. And the more concerned you are that your employer would take your words seriously, the tighter you should keep your lips zipped on the subject of work and unprofessional behavior in your private life. Focus on personal performance and personal improvement in your blogging instead, if you choose to write about work, and save the rants for friends IRL or for a private blog/journal that is for your eyes only.

There is no safe way to blog if you do so for the general public. Everything you say goes out into the ether, and you have no way of knowing who will find those words, who will read them or how they will interpret them. Some people will like what you have to say. Others won't. And for the most part, the internet is filled with strangers who don't matter in the least to your day-to-day life. Occasionally, though, someone who does matter may find something you wrote and take it the wrong way. If you choose to write about your career or about your colleagues or about your personal exploits outside of work that may not be completely professional, you are taking a risk, and you must be willing to accept that as a possibility and be able to deal with the fall out.

If you're not comfortable with that risk, blogging is probably not the right medium for you.

The fiancee has a job!

2009-11-16T18:36:00.000-08:00

HOO-RAY!

It's with the company he interned for a little over a year ago. He really liked the company then, and when he went back for his interview, he spoke with many people that he worked with before. Not that his superior intellect and social skills didn't have a lot to do with it, too. But it certainly helped that many people were familiar with the calibre of work he turns out and know that he's an all-around great guy.

He's not as excited about the work he's going into right now because it will be moving away from the embedded engineering that he loves so much, but I think that Kellen, as he usually does, will make the most of it and end up loving it. I think he's just feeling a little disappointed because he had to pass up on the second round of Microsoft interviews, which he was so excited about. They were unable to schedule his next interview before he had to return an answer to the company that extended the offer. The good thing is, though, that if he does end up being unhappy with the work, Microsoft has agreed to hold onto him as a candidate and will extend him a chance at a second-round interview in the spring.

The upshot is that we won't have to move, and I won't have to find a new job. He will be able to start the new job immediately after he finishes his current one, so he'll be able to maintain income. I think my favorite thing is that the benefits at his new company are markedly better than mine, so not only will he have health insurance for the first time in over two years, but I will be able to move over to his. I pay $140/month on my premiums by myself, and both of us on his will only be $200/month. Plus, his plan has better co-pays, better coverage, and OOP limits. That will save us some money for sure.

Also, because his new job pays well, we're really going to be able to enjoy our wedding/honeymoon in Mexico, pay off credit cards and put a serious dent in our student loan debt, and generally speaking put ourselves well on the way to responsible adulthood.

I know this is a lot of talk about money, but...I've been so worried that one or both of us would be out of work come the new year, and that best case scenario I'd be trying to support both of us on my salary. This good news has been such a relief! Now back to worrying about wedding stuff (btw, you can track the progress of our planning process at my new blog, The Better to Wed You With /shameless plug) and my old standby: what I want to be when I grow up.

The recession is really still on?

2009-11-09T16:41:00.000-08:00

Even knowing that we're going through a pretty massive recession, it's still hard to believe that a year later, things still haven't bounced back. I found a post from a friend from October of last year discussing the difficulties the recession has presented, particularly to young newly-graduated women. I did a double take at the "2008" date.

Has it really been that long? Good grief. Almost my entire professional experience has been framed by a recession, by the resulting professional stagnation. I have watched as coworkers have been laid off, as an increasing number of jobs that previously would have gone to my team have been funneled off to a new team in Malaysia that works for a fraction of the price that we do. I occasionally dip my toe into the job market, seeing what my city has to offer. (Not much.)

I've spent well over a year being afraid of losing my job. I've spent a year what-if'ing what will happen if Kellen doesn't manage to find a job shortly after he graduates. And even more worried what-if'ing over what we'll do if I lose my job, too.

You read things like this, which highlight the abysmal statistics of getting hired in this economy:

Since the beginning of the recession in December 2007, job openings declined from 4.4 million to 2.4 million and the number of officially unemployed persons grew from 7.5 million to 15.7 million, according to the U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics. If the 15.7 million officially unemployed workers were to apply for those 2.4 million jobs, the chance of any one of them finding a job are about 15 percent, or roughly the same odds as being accepted to the University of Pennsylvania.
The official figure only counts workers as unemployed if they have searched for a job within the past four weeks. But, does it make sense to exclude people who have not looked for work in the past month? Probably not, given that statistics show workers are trying harder than ever to find a job and only give up looking after prolonged periods of unemployment.
The average duration of official unemployment -- which, by definition, requires that people be actively searching for a job -- has increased to 26.9 weeks, or just over a half a year. But after many months of unsuccessful job hunting, some people do give up hope. And after four weeks of not looking for a job, they are dropped from official unemployment. It is primarily for this reason that since May, the official labor force has shrunk by 1.1 million people.
The exclusion of these so-called "discouraged" workers from statistics means that the official number of unemployed severely understates the weakness in the labor market. If you include these workers, the unemployment rate would rise to 13 percent, or 21.3 million. If these workers were to apply for the 2.4 million jobs available, the odds of securing a job would be 11.2 percent, or roughly the same as getting into the Massachusetts Institute of Technology.
It gets worse. Another group excluded from the official unemployment report is the growing number of part-time workers who would prefer to have a full-time job. These workers are forced into part-time jobs or are forced to take part-time hours because no full-time work is available. During the current recession, workers who are "part time for economic reasons" have grown from 4.6 million to 9.3million.
Adding part-time workers to the number of officially unemployed and the discouraged workers, as labor market expert Leo Hindery, Jr., has observed, results in a rise in the real unemployment rate to 19.2 percent, or 30.6 million people. The odds of any one of these 30 million securing one of the 2.4 million full-time jobs available is 8 percent, the same as the admissions rate of the Ivy League gold standard, Harvard University.

Then you have articles like this, which say things like:

But the economy has shed well over 7 million jobs in this recession, and economist Lakshman Achuthan tells Mason the hardest hit is manufacturing. "Even if GDP grows at 10 percent, you're not getting those jobs back. It's a structural permanent change," he said.
[...]
October was the 22nd straight month the U.S. economy has shed jobs, the longest on records dating back 70 years.

These numbers go flying across my dashboard over on Tumblr, a social network/blogging platform inhabited in large part by 20-something professionals (and an ever-growing number of grad students), almost daily.

I'm so tired of the recession. Thinking about it makes me physically weary. And I worry that it will never really end. That much of the job loss is permanent. That much of what is going on is the inevitable collapse after decades of poor business and political decisions which have allowed the jobs to be utterly drained from our economy.

I have two college degrees, special training in a tech field, and supposedly all of the things going for me (in terms of work ethic, ambition, intelligence, professionalism, etc.) that a young person should, and even I feel like I have failed to gain traction in the so-called real world. What must this be like for everyone else?

In honor of the boyfriend's second job interview...

2009-11-03T14:45:00.000-08:00

I'm sharing a fantastic article I came across from CareerRealism: 10 Things Recruiters Won't Tell You.

A lot of these are things that you've probably heard about if you've ever taken a seminar on interviewing, visiting a career counselor, or, you know, read or heard anything about doing well in job interviews. What this recruiter drives home is how all of these little things which in better times wouldn't have gotten your resume immediately tossed are guaranteed deal breakers in today's saturated job market.

Read it, and then begin to think about how you could improve your first impression.

Some advice for employers

2009-11-03T14:11:00.000-08:00

Prior to coming to work in my current ultra-corporate environment, I worked for a university. I held several positions there, but the last one was as a student web designer. My group developed various and sundry multimedia for professors, including websites. I adored my job, and not simply because they gave me total creative control over the websites I designed from the ground up. (Although that certainly helped!)

My previous supervisors worked very hard to create a positive environment, where the focus was as much on growth, creativity, and learning as it was on turning out a good product. If you expressed a desire to learn a new skill or work on a new and different project, you were not only allowed to do so, but given the resources and the support necessary to be successful. Obviously, if there was a time crunch, they would want the most experienced developers on the job, but for the most part, they did what they could to help their employees realize their full potential. This was good for the student employees because they were learning a lot and working on things that made them happy, but even better for the professors who relied on us for course materials and CV sites because our quality of work improved so rapidly and also for our organization as a whole, which had a steadily growing and improving body of work to refer to when trying to get more funding and more clients.

I have experienced none of this in my corporate environment.

My supervisors have more or less taken the position that whatever skillset you had when you began working here--or whatever skillset they decided you had, a determination not always based on your testimony or your portfolio--is the extent of your talent. If you were hired to do html and CSS, you can do HTML and CSS. If you were hired to do Flash, you can do Flash. If you have other talents or abilities, though, that you did not possess at the outset or that they were not made fully aware of early on, don't expect ever to incorporate those into your daily work.

There have even been a couple of instances where, instead of utilizing the existing talent pool, they've hired from outside because, as they say, "No one here has that skill." Or, in other words, no one here is currently using that skill, so instead of taking a chance on you and letting you prove yourself, we're going to keep you doing what you're doing and simply hire someone new.

The way my employers have put their employees in a rigid box has had an incredibly negative impact on the work environment. People are frustrated because they not only feel their skills are going unused, but they feel they are being passed over in favor of outsiders for team changes and promotions. It also highlights how disconnected management is from their employees and the lack of confidence they have in the people they have hired. What it really shows is how little they are invested in their employees.

Investing in the long-term growth of your employees is crucial to building a strong and capable team. Particularly in a tech field, your organization needs people who are constantly growing, learning, and building new skillsets. Failing to acknowledge and take advantage of the professional growth of your employees will have the effect of one (or all) of the following:

Your employees will become angry and frustrated by the sense that management is not paying attention to its talent pool, and they will feel overlooked.
They will become discouraged of learning new skills, since they know that those skills would be overlooked yet again.
The best of your talent will move on to greener pastures, where their work and skills will be acknowledged and put to better use.

To be honest, there is no reason why you shouldn't be fully aware of your employees' abilities, their efforts to improve and develop their skills, and their goals in terms of long-term growth. Moreover, there is no reason why you shouldn't be taking advantage of their abilities and goals as you move your organization forward. There is little to gain in passing them over and failing to use their skills, and everything to lose: morale, your best talent, and eventually, the quality of your product and your clients.

If you wonder where I've been lately...

2009-10-27T16:43:00.000-07:00

I'm not dead. I'm just planning a wedding.

Because I realize a lot of people are really not into listening to a girl blather on and on about flowers and frippery, I'm blogging about it on a separate website, located here: The Better to Wed You With.

I promise, once I get a few more things with venues and such straightened out and take a breather from the frantic oh-shit-I-only-have-five-months planning that's been going on for the last week, I'll be back to my regularly scheduled non-wedding blogging.

Getting Comfortable

2009-10-21T10:38:00.000-07:00

Every few months, I toy with the idea of going back to school and completely changing directions in my career. I've considered going back for some sort of engineering. For marketing. For architecture. The idea of more school, though, really lacks appeal, and when it comes to making a decision, I find I don't really feel a strong pull in any of those directions. I always come back to the place where I am.

Let me be clear. I am not satisfied with my current job, and in terms of skill level, I've got a long way to go. But I think the field I am in now is generally the right place for me to be.

It's taken me a long time and a lot of struggling to say this is where I belong. I've been dancing around this career path since I was 13 years old, and while it's something I love, I think I've always felt I wasn't good enough, wasn't smart enough or talented enough to make it. But I think I can. There's no reason why I shouldn't, other than laziness or a self-defeating attitude.

So I'm going to do it. This is my career, and the only thing I can do to further my career is to progress within the field. It's time to focus.

I'm going home!

2009-10-16T16:44:00.001-07:00

In just a few hours, I'll be on my way back to Austin. I can't wait! Hope you enjoy the video...thought it was fitting.

So something big happened last night...

2009-10-15T11:37:00.001-07:00

Yesterday was our second anniversary. It's been two years since Kellen and I started dating (again), and...to be honest, we didn't have any big plans for last night. Kellen had his brass ensemble practice, and I had big plans to do laundry and watch So you think you can dance? Exciting, right?

When I got home from work, though, Kellen was all excited because he got an e-mail saying Monsters of Folk were playing downtown that night, doors opening at 7, and he reeeaaaally wanted to go. Not only are they a great band, but one of the band members, Conor Oberst, was part of a little number called Bright Eyes. A Bright Eyes concert just so happened to be our first date, almost five years ago. It seemed like a pretty fantastic way to spend our 2-year anniversary.

I told him if he could swing some tickets and didn't mind missing band, I was down. (Very down.)

We headed downtown shortly thereafter and went to the box office to see about getting tickets, since we couldn't find any online. Just our luck, they had released some amazing tickets up close to the front. Kellen forked over some cash, and there we were--sitting 4 rows back in this amazing concert hall ready to watch us some Monsters. I'd never really been able to see the stage at a concert before (I'm really short), much less sit that close to the front, so I was very, very excited.

The show was SUPER FANTASTIC, and at the end, we were both amped up because it was a great performance. Kellen goes, "Do you wanna get someone to take our picture?" I'm a picture fiend, so I said sure. He goes over to a security guard and starts whispering to him. Then he hands the camera over, turns to me, and starts getting down on one knee while he holds out this black box.

I don't even remember him saying "Will you marry me?" I vaguely remember his mouth moving. I know I said YES! And then I poked him really hard and called him a jerk because I was completely surprised. Hehe. (I wasn't expecting it to happen for several months!) The ring was absolutely gorgeous, and I was more than happy to put it on my finger.

We got the camera back from the security guy and while he thought he'd taken pictures, he hadn't. BUT. Even without the pictures, I don't think I'll ever forget.

*siiiiigh*

I'm super duper happy. I've loved Kellen for years upon years. I've loved him through good and bad, and I know I'll always love him, no matter what. Lucky, lucky me, he feels the same way. I feel like I've won the lottery with him. He's such a wonderful person, and to think I get to spend the rest of my life with him...it doesn't get much better than that.

In all, I say this is building up to being the best week I've had in a very long time. Kellen got a second interview. We saw a great show. We got ENGAGED!!! We saw his parents last weekend for his birthday, and we'll see my parents this coming weekend. We're going to AUSTIN, my favorite city in the whole wide world. I couldn't have asked for a better week.

I still can't believe we're engaged!!! What am I supposed to do now? :)

PS:

2009-10-13T11:00:00.001-07:00

Kellen got through to the second round of interviews at Microsoft!!!!!!!! We've heard the second round is a doozy, so I'm sure the next few weeks will involve a lot of studying and prep. BUT. I'm so proud of him, and again, any good vibes you can send our way are much appreciated. :) YAY!

(PPS: If any of you have ever interviewed with Microsoft and have advice for him, that would be great, too.)

Pam and Jim's wedding...

2009-10-13T09:27:00.001-07:00

...convinced me that eloping is still the right decision.

:)

When our parents get old...

2009-10-12T11:04:00.000-07:00

Last week, Kellen went on a John Mayer kick. We listened to Continuum for hours on end. Not that I'm complaining. I love me some JM. Listening to the songs over and over, though, I started paying attention not just to how they sound, but what the songs were about. I'd never realized the song "Stop This Train" was about losing your parents, and listening to it got me thinking...

It's not as if I've never thought about my parents growing old or passing away before. I have. When I was 16, my mom ended up in the hospital for two months. I remember my younger brother and I having the discussion about how afraid we were, driving home from Thanksgiving dinner at my aunt's by ourselves. I got to experience what my life would be like without her. I didn't like it.

My parents are only in their 50s, and God willing, they'll have another 30 years of healthy, happy, independent lives. After all, all of my grandparents are still around and for the most part healthy and independent. And my grandmother had her parents until she was in her late 60s. But still, in my 20s, I'm having to come to terms with the fact that my parents are getting older. They'll be retiring soon. The list of doctors they have is growing longer, and the list of problems is starting to grow, too. Someday, I'll be the one taking care of them. And someday, I'll have to say goodbye to them.

My parents have always been at the center of my life. I've never made friends easily, and I've gone stretches of my life without anyone I could count on or lean on but my family. My parents are the people who always reminded me that I was loved, that I was special to someone, and that I had someone to go to, no matter what. They've gotten me through so much. It's impossible to imagine a world where they aren't there.

But I know someday, it will happen. How do people ever find the strength to get over that loss?

Twenty-Somethings in the News: "The Lost Generation?"

2009-10-10T21:19:00.001-07:00

Business Week: The Lost Generation

So this is depressing.

In this piece, Peter Coy outlines the abysmal unemployment rate and long-term career prospects for young people. And boy is it ever abysmal.

For people just starting their careers, the damage may be deep and long-lasting, potentially creating a kind of "lost generation." Studies suggest that an extended period of youthful joblessness can significantly depress lifetime income as people get stuck in jobs that are beneath their capabilities, or come to be seen by employers as damaged goods.

Yikes. "Damaged goods"?! Really?! Apparently this argument isn't just doomsday sensational journalism, but is backed up by statistics:

For each percentage-point rise in the unemployment rate, those who graduated during the recession earned 6% to 7% less in their first year of employment than their more fortunate counterparts. Even 15 years out of school, the recession graduates earned 2.5% less than those who began working in more prosperous times.

Perhaps I'm being overly-concerned because I've got my boyfriend graduating from college in a couple of months, ending his paid internship, and entering the real world...which at this point looks like it's going to be the real world, sans job. (Keep your fingers crossed, say a prayer, throw a little salt over your shoulder--whatever it is you do--for him, please, that he'll hear back from someone in the next few weeks.) It's depressing to know that in the long term, our earning potential could be dampened by the recession. It's also depressing to know that my incredibly smart, talented and skilled boyfriend might be one of the casualties of the recession, something which I have (likely just to make myself feel better) been telling myself is IMPOSSIBLE for the past year or so. My boyfriend is way too smart and awesome for that to happen to him...right?

The truth is, there are just so few jobs to be had for young people. Three years ago, when my ex was graduating with an engineering degree, there were tons of jobs available for the newly graduated. Companies were actively recruiting college students, wining and dining even the mediocre potential employees. Now, many of the same companies that were hiring recent grads in droves have hiring freezes on, or if they are hiring, they're only hiring those with experience (3+ years is the lowest I've seen--the vast majority are looking for those with 10+ years of experience). It's depressing. And the number of people applying for the scant entry level positions out there is even more depressing.

If my boyfriend, with his holy grail of college degrees the engineering degree, his ridiculously high GPA, his year of real-world experience in a reputable co-op program, his willingness to transfer just about anywhere, with his professionalism and glowing employer reviews and impressive accomplishments and fantastic personality, can't get a job...what's going to happen to the rest of us? And what's going to happen to all of us in the long run? Are we really going to be lost?

Motivation? What motivation?

2009-10-08T16:29:00.000-07:00

Last weekend, I put in somewhere around 12 hours on my sorority alumnae group's website, 8 of those on Sunday alone. Kellen and I woke up, got dressed, went out for brunch, then I came home and for 8 whopping hours and did serious work on a project that is, for all intents and purposes, optional. I didn't look at my gmail every 30 seconds, or my tumblr, or my twitter, or my flickr, or my google reader. Granted, I've been saying I would do this site since July and it needed to get done, but it was still something that I had no hard deadlines on and which no one would absolutely shit bricks if I never did at all.

I was kind of proud of myself. And then I started thinking, "Why am I not like this at work?"

I think approximately 500 times a day during the work week, "I seriously need to stop cycling through my frequently-browsed social networking sites and do the job I'm being paid to do." You know this routine: gmail, tumblr, twitter, flickr, google reader, gmail, tumblr, twitter, flickr, google reader. I seriously do it all freaking day. Every day. Even when I have an assignment due, one that's important, sometimes I still find myself not doing my work and instead flipping through all those other websites...even when I've read all the updates and am just staring at the same old crap I've been staring at for the last 2 hours.

Sometimes I wonder if maybe I've got a serious case of ADHD or internet addiction or something. That's how difficult it is for me to focus. But then a day like Sunday comes along, and I realize that I have a crazy ability to focus...when I'm doing something I actually want to do.

I think my I'll-look-at-everything-on-the-internet-except-what-I'm-supposed-to-be-looking-at habit is borne partly out of the fact that I'm passive aggressively acting out my frustrations with my job on the assignments I'm given by procrastinating, and partly borne out of the fact that I'm just plain bored with the work and could do most of it in my sleep. (Some days, I'm not entirely positive I'm not asleep when I do a lot of this stuff.)

Part of the reason my direct supervisor was so adamant on shifting me to another team is that I was bored out of my skull on my old one, and the quality of my work was suffering as a result. (The degree to which it suffered, by comparison to my coworkers, actually put me about on par with a sizable chunk of the people I work with. But it was a notable departure from my usual omigodsoanalretentivethisallhastobeperfectorillhaveastrokeomg-quality work.) I can't say so far the change has been very beneficial, because in two weeks, I've had maybe 10 hours worth of work to do, and I get incredibly frustrated when I have so much open time that I have to figure out how to occupy. I don't like having to dig up menial busy work to fill the hours, and that's precisely what the suggested applications of my downtime are. I feel like that's just so many wasted hours of my life.

The problem is clearly motivation. And while yes, "This pays the bills, so I'd better do a good job," is sufficient reason to make me do passable work, it's certainly not inspiration to do my best work. I want work that I find exciting and interesting, that I see value in. I want something that makes me want to work, and that I get enough out of that I feel like my time has been well invested and my energies rewarded, if not in terms of praise from my supervisors (however rarely that happens anyhow), then at least in the sense that I did something that has value.

I want to be inspired. I want to be excited by what I'm contributing, and I want to be proud of what I've accomplished. I don't like thinking, "Yeah, I did some things....meh," at the end of the day. Maybe it's a lot to ask to be fulfilled by what you do, but that's precisely what I want.

I keep forgetting to tell people this...

2009-10-05T15:56:00.000-07:00

Did I mention my boyfriend caught the garter at his brother's wedding?

Some 8-year-old girl caught the bouquet, and it's not like it's even remotely appropriate to jump someone under the age of 12 in order to snatch something from their tiny little hands...the little snot. So I guess we'll have to settle for Kellen's victory over the mens.

PS: Actually, I've yet to embarrass myself leaping for a bouquet or mauling another girl trying to get it in my clutches...or worse, convinced the bride to clear the floor of everyone except me so that I was sure to grab it. (Yes, I've actually seen that at a wedding before.) It's not as if I've ever been the kind of person to get that excited about getting married...but I am kind of competitive, and just for once, I'd kind of like to win that stupid bouquet.

Kick in the Pants Monday!

2009-10-05T10:40:00.000-07:00

This week's kick in the pants is brought to you by William Kamkwamba, a 14-year-old Malawian boy who wanted to bring electricity to his village. Despite lacking the proper tools, loads of money, or even access to the local education system (he was kicked out when he was unable to pay the $80 fee for attending school), he did just that.

After finding a book about windmills that generate power at the library, he spent several months collecting materials, making his own tools, and then building the windmill itself. Despite being harassed by villagers, he not only built the windmill, but got it generating power...then built four more windmills. The windmills now supply power and water to his village.

I don't know what you were doing when you were 14, but I highly doubt you were bringing electricity to an entire community. I doubt you're even doing that now. So get off your bum, and go do something productive!

Thanks, William, for the kick in the pants.

Cooking really isn't so different from life...

2009-10-02T14:44:00.000-07:00

I, like a lot of people who must depend upon my own culinary abilities if I want to eat, like to try out new recipes. The bulk of the recipes I learned growing up were Southern dishes (fatty, starchy, and delicious) and quickie foods (cheap, easy, and heavily processed) that, while often tasty, are not always good for you. And if the health reasons weren't enough to branch out, then the fact that I love food certainly is.

I'm not the best cook in the world. In fact, until I got my first apartment in college, I couldn't even boil water. (No. Seriously. I nearly burned the house down twice attempting to boil a pot of water to make tea.) And since then, I've had some pretty serious kitchen cooking disasters. In addition to overcooking and undercooking pretty much everything at least once, and accidentally leaving out ingredients or getting a little overly-ambitious with the ingredients, I once exploded an entire meat loaf all over my kitchen. EXPLODED. It went about 10 feet in every direction, and we were still finding errant pieces of pyrex and hamburger meat weeks later.

That being said, I have learned to cook a few dishes and cook them well. My vegetarian enchiladas are legendary, and my boyfriend thinks my meat loaf is the best he's ever tasted (as long as he doesn't have to eat it off the floor. *cough*) And because the possibility of delicious success is always enticing, I keep coming back to cooking, in spite of a few true disasters.

Take this week for example.

Wednesday night, while the boys (I have two male roommates, one being the boyfriend) were out doing other things, I decided to stay home and learn a new recipe. I've been eyeing this recipe for weeks and finally got all the ingredients together to make it. It was a challenging recipe for me. It was the first time I'd ever separated eggs whites from yolks on my own. It was the first time I'd ever even heard of a sabayon. It was the first time I'd ever whipped cream to soft peaks or folded whipped cream into anything. It was also the first time I'd had to improvise a double boiler on my own. In short, it wasn't an easy recipe, and I spent a lot of extra time trying to figure out the right way to do it.

The end results were magical. I was so proud of myself and all of the new skills I'd learned, and the best thing about food is, you always get to enjoy your success. The boys liked it too, and I gave myself a mental gold star for being so darned awesome.

Riding on the high of success, I decided to try another new recipe on Thursday night. I got some butternut squash last weekend at Kruger's on Sauvie Island. I've never cooked with butternut squash before, and I found a fairly simple recipe on Epicurious that I thought I'd be able to pull off with few problems. I had Kellen peel and slice the squash for me (he's my sous chef), and I basically stirred the cream and sage in a baking dish and made sure the squash was evenly distributed before I put the lid on the pyrex dish and slid it into the oven.

30 minutes later, I went to check on it, and...

Disaster. The lid on my pyrex dish was not oven safe. NOT AT ALL OVEN SAFE. Not only had it melted into the squash, I had little pools of red melted plastic all inside my oven. I was horrified. And embarrassed. Why couldn't this have happened the night before when the boys weren't home, and I could have dumped the evidence of my pretty epic mistake in the trash can without anyone finding out? And why had I been so stupid anyhow? I had my reasons (a friend of mine in college had had a plasticy baking dish, and I assumed wrongly that the lid for my pyrex baking dish was made of the same stuff), but it didn't keep me from feeling like a royal idiot. I got pretty upset about the whole thing, and really beat myself up about it.

But then, Max ran to the store to get a back-up side dish so dinner was still pretty tasty, and Kellen lifted my spirits, and the red goo was fairly easy to clean out of the oven. The only bad things that happened were I ruined a dish and still haven't gotten to make butternut squash. (And I probably added another item to the list of Ridiculous Things Katie Did in the Kitchen that No One Will Ever Let Her Live Down.) Oh, well.

Like most things in life, when you try to do something new, sometimes you fail. Sometimes you succeed, though, too, and often the failures are not as bad as they may seem at first. Either way you learn something from the experience. So whether you get delicious fig sabayon, or whether you get red-goo-covered butternut squash, the important thing is to keep trying, keep learning, and don't let yourself get discouraged by failure or the fear of it. Someday, you'll get it right.

So I switched teams at work...

2009-10-01T16:45:00.000-07:00

A few months back, I expressed an interest to two of my supervisors in switching teams. I felt that after spending a year-and-a-half on the same team, I was growing bored with my work, that I wanted new challenges, and that I wanted to increase my visibility both with the rest of my team, but also the larger company my team works for. For a long time, it didn't seem like anything was going to happen, but then about a month ago, they announced layoffs.

After the layoffs, there was the usual shuffling of teams. It took several weeks for everything to be finalized, but at long last, I finally got shifted to the team where I had specifically requested to be moved (thanks to my direct supervisor advocating for me NOT to be moved to a team where he thought I would be unhappy and would be more likely to *ahem* reassess my employment situation.) This has been my first full week on the new team, and...

For the most part, it's just been kind of boring. Because I'm fully trained on the development platform my new team uses exclusively, I haven't needed to do any training or shadowing my fellow team members. Because the team was in the middle of a big project, and all the work was already divvied up, there also hasn't been much work for me to do. So it's been a lot of twiddling my thumbs, taking extraneous trainings (I've been looking into our social media training program), and waiting to wow my new team lead with my super impressive skillz.

There are some differences between my old team and new team. For one, my old team really pushed for the web developers to go the extra mile. If I was adding or removing content from one page and knew there was similar elsewhere on our website, I was encouraged to include those additional pages in my work. If I had an idea for how we could improve content I was working on, I was more often than not given the thumbs up.

Because I was on a small, tight-knit team before, it was more important that we all be aware of the content and ensure that we caught any problems, and it was more likely that if I recommended a change, I could go directly to the manager for my team and be given the go-ahead. My new team is larger and has a more formal relationship with those further up the ladder. You do not ask about additional work on other pages, and you do not make suggestions or comments on the content you have been given work on. You basically do what you are told. On that level, I'm not super-excited about my work, because I feel like I'm scaling back my skills several notches and losing, in a sense, my voice and my ability to prove that I am willing to (and often do) go above and beyond.

The new team also has more meetings, which is not super fun.

On the upside, I'm getting to share (and prove) my expertise with new people at work. A few weeks before I left my old team, we get a new person doing our quality assurance testing, and she was surprised by how thorough and how good our team in general was, and I know that her experience will be passed along, if to no one else, then at least to her supervisor. That sort of thing is good for my reputation at work. I feel confident that doing good work on my new team will also help to spread my reputation as a strong and conscientious worker. The biggest drawback on my old team is that no one except two or three people knew what I was capable of or knew the quality of my work. I know that my relative invisibile-ness didn't help me in interviews regarding promotion back in May.

Already, I'm working on building a better relationship between my old team and my new one. Because we work on the same platform at least some of the time, I think it would be useful to share knowledge about the platform between the teams, both about how to do things and about the latest problems we're having. I'm also taking on some new responsibilities regarding documentation, which should help me gain additional visibility and is good for demonstrating that I am willing to take responsibility.

This is probably the first time in several months that I feel I'm doing something really useful, both for my team and for my career. I'm hoping this horizontal move gives me some vertical oomf. Or at the very least, spices up my life a little with new teammates and new work.

2009-09-23T13:35:00.000-07:00

Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma - which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of other’s opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.
- Steve Jobs

Another weekend, another wedding

2009-09-21T16:35:00.000-07:00

So we were in Bend from Friday-Sunday for Kellen's little brother's wedding. It was a fantastic wedding, replete with karaoke, swords, and hurricane force winds. (Actually, that last one might be a slight exaggeration...but only slightly.) We had a great time. I only wish that every time someone asked us, "So when are you two getting married?", they had handed us a $1 bill instead. If they had, I could've afforded to take a recuperation day off from work today!

Only one more wedding to go, and that's not until next month...and it's in Austin!

I don't know if I've mentioned here or not that Kellen and I are finally making a pilgrimage back to longhorn mecca, but my friend Charles is getting married and I promised I'd make it back to town for that. We're super excited and have so many plans. I don't know how we're going to squeeze everything in to a single weekend, and I really wish I could stay longer (*siiiiigh*).

Have you ever had a place you love so much, your heart squeezes into a tiny fluttering knot whenever you think about it? That's how I feel about Austin.

Little Miss Goody Two Shoes

2009-09-17T22:08:00.000-07:00

That's me.

I've always been sort of compulsively well behaved. I was the kid who always got perfect marks for behavior, who followed the rules, who lectured the other kids when they broke the rules (or even thought about breaking them.) I was the kid who never caved to peer pressure, who was an incredibly judgmental teetotaler until I was almost legal to drink, who never did drugs or anything even remotely close to drugs. I can count on one hand the number of times I played hookie...which is far less than the number of times when I attended all of my classes when I probably should have stayed home because I was so sick. I always pay my bills on time, and I always make good on any loans given me by parents or friends (though I honestly can't remember the last time I asked for one.) I have always been respectful, responsible, and the kind of kid parents always wanted their kid to hang out with and be like, but which no kid ever wanted to be with or even be seen with.

It's not like there was ever much I could do about it. I liked coloring inside the lines. I liked the positive feedback I received for doing the right thing, hated the negative feedback I got for anything wrong, and generally speaking had a strong enough belief in my own awesomeness that I never really had a hard time following through if I thought a certain action was right. I credit this for a lot of the success.

At the same time, though, as I get older I realize that sometimes always wanting to color inside the lines can be a drawback. I am the opposite of a risk taker. I don't like to be put in a position where I might not be able to do many of the things I feel that I, as an adult, am expected to do, and expected to do independently. I tend to make safe choices, and I also tend to take the path of least resistance. I like to be liked and approved of by my peers and superiors, and when I don't meet their standards, I work doubly hard to exceed them...whether or not their standards are in keeping with my own personal goals.

I'm a good kid. I always have been. But sometimes...I wish I were a little less good. I wish I could risk maybe not being able to pay all of my bills one month. (This is an idea that literally gives me heart palpitations.) I wish I could risk not having health insurance, or risk not having a "normal" place to live, or risk maybe not being exactly the sort of person I think everyone wants me to be.

"Well-behaved women seldom make history," or so the saying goes.

I want to make history, and sometimes I get the distinct feeling that behaving myself all the time is just getting me into bigger trouble.

The fear of failure is eating me alive

2009-09-11T10:50:00.000-07:00

Last week, I had this really horrible nightmare that I went back in time and every single thing I had ever accomplished since I was in junior high, I managed to somehow screw up and not accomplish. I'm not even kidding. I didn't graduate from college. I didn't make straight A's in high school. I didn't make drum major in band or the cheerleading squad. The thing is, it's bad enough when you go out for something or you try to do something, and you fail. But knowing that I had already achieved these things once and was no longer capable of doing it? Ouch.

It doesn't take a psychologist to tell me what my problem is or what that dream meant. I'm having some epic issues with fears of failure and rejection, fears of inferiority and inability. I'm worried about applying for new jobs (something that is becoming imminent, as Kellen's job search rapidly expands beyond Portland), because I worry that I won't be good enough, that I won't have the right skills, that no one will want to hire me. I'm worried about trying to learn new things, branch out to new areas, maybe even change direction in my career. I'm worried that somehow, I just won't be able to do it. I'll just fail.

I've never really felt like this in my life. I've always been fairly convinced that I'm an awesome human being. I am, above all, one smart cookie, and have always been able to do pretty much anything I put my mind to, with the exception of sports. I have always previously done a great job of impressing my employers and coworkers that I am hard-working, highly capable, and professional. Generally speaking, there's no reason why I should feel nervous or apprehensive about trying something new or pushing forward.

...but I do.

I'm not sure if it's because I've struggled so much in my current position, where nobody except those who work in immediate contact with me think I'm valuable. It's been incredibly hard to feel like, no matter how hard I work, I'm not really gaining ground with some of my supervisors who don't have intimate knowledge of my contributions to my team. And...sometimes I just get everyone else's ability and skill worked up in my head that I can't imagine how I could possibly ever compete.

I've got to get over this nonsense. If I'm having dreams about it, clearly I'm letting it affect me way too much. I know I'm awesome. I also know that every time I have failed, I've always been able to redouble my efforts and make significant improvements. I've never said, "I can't do that." (Except for sports, but really? Who cares if I can't throw a softball in a straight line or more than 10 feet?) Because I've always known that, if I tried, I could. I might not be the best, and I might not be perfect, but I could do it, and I could even do it well.

I'm just going to have to throw myself into the snake pit, and stop worrying about how afraid I am of the snakes.

Someone get me a cookie, stat!

2009-09-03T14:14:00.000-07:00

I finally paid off my credit card!

That's right. Every last penny of the debt that has been hanging over my head since my flight attendant days, when I was putting milk and bread on Visa, has been paid for in full...and then some. Now to keep that balance at 0.

Aaallll byyyy myyyyssseeeelllllffff...

2009-09-02T20:46:00.001-07:00

So Kellen's been out of contact since Sunday. He's at Burning Man, where they have no cell reception and the nearest phones are a shuttle ride away and apparently shuttle tickets aren't easy to come by. I won't lie. While I really like having the house to myself, I'm going a little crazy without contact. I finally got an e-mail from him this morning, which is good because now at least I know he is alive and hasn't run off with a band of crazy hippies. We haven't been out of touch this long since, well, since we weren't speaking to each other several years back.

I got a call from his mom tonight. She wanted to thank me for being such a supportive girlfriend. And to check and make sure I was still alive without two big strong men in the house to protect. (My mom has been checking up on me more frequently than usual, too. Just to make sure no one has broken into the house to try to get at me, as we all know how irresistible I am.) I felt kind of bad about her saying how supportive I am, when five minutes before I had been thinking, "IhateBurningManIhateBurningManIhateBurningMan."

Sometimes, it's really hard to maintain separate identities and separate lives in a relationship, to avoid becoming one of those obnoxious codependent couples that can't go to the bathroom without needing the other one to hold their hand while they wipe. (Pardon the crudity, but you've probably known one of these couples.) Considering that I have talked to my boyfriend every single day for the last 2 years, even when we were 2,500 miles apart, it's really hard to go 9 whole days without talking to him. This is the age of internet and cell phones...and internet in your cell phones. I mean, seriously, it is insane that in this day and age someone could be out of touch for 9 whole days, right?

I think it's worth it though, because I personally think it's an incredible experience (even if my "ewww dust and trance music!" pretty much guarantees I will never go myself), and I know how much he wanted to go and how much he appreciates that I "let" him go. I can't imagine telling him not to go, anyhow. Who does that? Crazy girls, that's who. Plus, I get to be all smug about how independent and awesome I am at the end of all this.

So for now, I'm sitting around watching movies that I have a hard time getting Kellen to watch with me (and doing laundry, but that's not glamorous or cool, so we'll ignore that.) Tonight, it's The Sound of Music. And you might be surprised to know this, but I'm also downloading Bridget Jones and Chocolat, and despite this movie being nearly 40 years older than either of those, it downloaded about a thousand times faster. I'm so excited. I've had "The hiiiiills are aliiiiive," stuck in my head for days.

Anyhow.

I'm off to be alone and independent and super cool some more.

Newsflash: I'm going to "The Bins" with Mei Mei Pomegranate.

2009-08-25T18:19:00.001-07:00

This is her legal last name. No, really. She's my roommate's younger sister. I've been hearing stories about her for months, including how she changed her last name to Pomegranate when she was 16. My feelings toward her are something akin to worship.

It's like meeting a celebrity.

I'm so excited.

(Also, "The Bins" is the Goodwill cast-off store. I have no idea if that's what it's actually called, or if that's just what Kellen and Max are calling it. From what I understand, it's some cross between Gollum's lair and Antique Roadshow jackpot. Still excited.)

Attaching my personal brand to my job search? I don't think so.

2009-08-23T20:54:00.000-07:00

So last weekend, my friends Kim and Will were in town. (Yes. I had a life for a whole 48 hours. This translates into months of blog fodder for the girl who has no life the other 363 days of the year.) As I said before, both of them do web design and are interested in running their own companies and blah, blah, blah. We were talking about "personal branding," (it's one of those hip buzz phrases that leaves a bad taste in my mouth, but whatever, it's the only phrase I've got for it) and whether or not it is smart to attach your online personal brand to your professional image.

Let me be completely clear. I am a girl who got a facebook account before facebook was available to the general public. There are pictures of me on facebook doing things that I never want any employer to see me doing, and while yes, I can un-tag all of those pictures, I would say the far safer and easier thing to do is just to throw up privacy settings all over the place so no employer will ever be able to see those photos. And, I still get to be myself on Teh Internetz.

Generally speaking, this describes my entire approach to recreational internetting. I have a facebook account: totally private. I have a myspace account: totally private. I have about 20 different blogs: not private, but completely devoid of my name, and therefore impossible to find on any kind of search. Despite having a sizable web presence (i.e. the 20 blogs, the tumblr, the twitter, the facebook, the myspace, etc.), you really can't find me on the internet unless you know what to look for. I like it this way.

My "personal brand" so to speak is not necessarily what employers would want to hire, I don't think. I am a pessimist. I complain. I'm not perfect...at all. 99% of the advice I give on this blog is directed at myself: the procrastinating, the needing to actually DO something if I want to BE something, the how-to-get-noticed at work business. Nothing I blog about is very, well, professional. I am not speaking as any sort of expert: not on my field, not on career building, not on life. When I read the blogs of the 20-something girls who do attach their names to their blogs (you know who I'm talking about), I think, "Oh, fuck. I'm so fucked." I'm not inspired. I'm not motivated. I just feel deep, overwhelming inferiority. Because I am not, and never have been, one of those girls.

I am 25, and most days, I'd prefer to be in jeans, t-shirt, and flip flops. I do not blow dry my hair, and it's some combination of curly and A GIANT EFFING MESS that prevents me from ever being able to just wear it down and let it air dry. So it goes straight into a ponytail as soon as it air dries enough that it won't still be wet when I pull it out of the ponytail at 10 PM. I do not wear make-up. Most of the time, I can't even be bothered to pluck my gigantic manbrows or cut my toenails. I dream of doing approximately a bajillion things, but most days, I make no meaningful strides toward any of them. Occasionally, I blog about them. The thing I get most riled up about is what lies the GOP is telling about health care reform today (and I'm completely obnoxious and over-emotional in my response, and succeed only in irritating people, I'm pretty sure) and what happened at work that day (and am completely obnoxious and over-emotional in my response, etc.)

This is who I actually am, and there is no way in hell that I want potential employers, or even my current employers, to know the full extent of my actual personality which I freely communicate on the internet, but try my best to keep under wraps everywhere else. It's not attractive. And I really, really do not want to write another one of those fucking blogs where I'm the Perfect Girl who does everything Just Right and tells everyone else How To Be Perfect, Too. I could probably do it. I could probably do it well, attach it to my resume, and have future employees go, "What an impressive young lady."

And I'd be forced to gouge my eyes out every single day for trying to tell people they should be something even I am not capable of being. Actually, really, I think it would just make my insecurities worse if I tried to write every single day about how to be Perfect.

Maybe there are companies out there who could appreciate me for who I am. Who would read my blog and see something real and legitimate and that a lot of people go through. Or they could just see another fucking whiny kid (and I know a lot of the people who read this blog often times think this, so I'm not going to kid myself by thinking other people wouldn't). Maybe it would be better if I could let potential employers see who I actually am and let them pick me on the basis of my...quirks...rather than picking me on the basis of someone more perfect and awesome than I actually am. I would probably be happier in a place where people actually like me, than being in a place where people constantly expect me to be something else. (Right now, I think the ideal at my company is some combination of Tech Genius and Brainless Corporate Drone. *sigh*)

But let's be honest. The economy isn't in a place right now where I can afford to be myself. Maybe in a year or two when things are back on track and maybe I've got something other than my bitching on the internet to show potential employers...

What do you guys think of this issue? Is it better to show employers who you really are, or to hide your true self from the job-offering public in an effort to make yourself more broadly appealing? Would you be okay revealing your webbie self to the potential-employer universe? Or do you just try to make sure that your webbie self is your most perfect and awesome self that it's not a completely horrible thing if employers make the connection between you and your web presence?

Grad school vs. real world...maybe grad school isn't that bad?

2009-08-18T14:51:00.000-07:00

A while back I wrote a post that discouraged all but the most passionate from using grad school as an escape from the real world and the real recession. In it, I quoted Thomas H. Benton's persuasive summation of grad school: "Grad school is a confidence-killing daily assault of petty degradations. All of this is compounded by the fear that it is all for nothing; that you are a useful fool."

Having been out in the real world a while now, though, can I just say...I think you could substitute "Entry level jobs" for "Grad school," and that statement would still be just as true.

Gen Whine?

2009-08-17T16:51:00.000-07:00

Our parents told us a number of things. Stay in school. Study hard. Stay off drugs. Keep your grades up. Get into the best college there is. Be the best at everything you do. Learn. Research. Excel. For me, the all-nighters doing homework started in seventh grade. School followed by extra-curriculars would start a bit before 8:00 in the morning and, for some parts of the year, could run until 9:00 or 10:00 at night. Then I started studying. Through college, commitments might go until well after midnight. Do all of this now, we were told, and when you finally graduate there will be a job for you. It may not be easy. Nobody is handing anything to you on a silver platter and you might get some dirt under your fingernails. But we had an understanding. There is, we are told, a rational system, and if we are smart enough and work hard enough, things will turn out okay. Will you achieve all of your dreams? Realistically, maybe not—but you should at least be comfortable. So what happens after graduation?
Congratulations, graduate! Go out and take on the world. What? No job? Surely you applied? You interviewed? Maybe you’re being unrealistic. Have you considered temp agencies? Retail? They’re flooded as well? Have you called? Dropped in in person? Pounded the proverbial pavement? Have you tried working your network? Is that really a stack of a hundred rejection letters? You must be doing something wrong.
For those who just graduated, there was no job. That’s not technically true. There was a job—but somebody older has it and isn’t letting go. It turns out the whole system is rigged. Education and intelligence and everything we were told was important turn out to be worth nothing next to seniority and experience.
Maybe the system was relatively fair twenty or thirty years ago—but it certainly isn’t now. Maybe there was a time, relatively recently, when young job seekers could weigh different offers or meaningfully negotiate salaries. When things got tough, that was the first thing to go. As the economy contracts there is a larger and larger focus on protecting people who already have jobs—or those who have recently lost them. Extending unemployment benefits won’t help recent graduates. In today’s economy, seniority is more important than merit. And through all of this, the wealth gap keeps expanding.
Sure, the economy is tough. Nobody meant for this to happen. People screwed up. Accidents happen. Normally, if you bungle something up and can’t fulfill your end of a bargain, you would and try to make it right. You broke it? Fix it. Or at least look embarrassed. That hasn’t happened. I turns out, we’re just whiners. We did everything that was asked of us … and when the older generations don’t deliver their half of the bargain, it’s somehow our fault.
- Squashed

If you would like to read a well-researched, well-written blog on progressive politics, Squashed is pretty awesome. But sometimes he turns out non-political gems like these, too, and they are also well worth reading. Highly recommended blog.

Everybody's going through this

2009-08-17T16:17:00.001-07:00

So this past weekend, a couple of my friends from Texas came to Oregon to visit for the first time ever. (Hi, Will! Hi, Kim!) It was a super fun weekend. We ate at the Kennedy School in East Portland, hit a couple of brew pubs downtown, went to the Rose and Japanese Gardens, got some produce and BBQ at Sauvie Island, and then hung around downtown yesterday. I guess I'm getting pretty good at giving tours of Portland?

Saturday night, though, while we were sitting around in the Rogue downtown, we got to talking about jobs... I guess this is a big topic of conversation for most of us in our 20s. Wi ll and Kim both do web design, and Kim also does a lot of web copy and journalism work (she just got her master's in journalism and public affairs). All of us seem to be in transitional jobs, jobs that are good for experience or for a paycheck or for building skills, but not necessarily the jobs we want to be in forever. It was so nice to talk to people who are going through the same things for a change. Sometimes, it feels really lonely being in a position where you aren't exactly satisfied with your current situation, and it seems like everyone else has got it figured out. Thank goodness I'm not the only one who's in this spot!

Will, at least, seems to be making some pretty serious inroads into starting his own company. I'm very impressed with how knowledgeable he is about running your own business, dealing with legal issues, and also, obviously, design. I think he'll be a good resource to have if I keep doing design. It was still a little frustrating, though, seeing someone my age who seems to have it so together. He knows what he wants, and he's really going after it, and I am so eager to be in the same position. I'm still not 100% what I want to be doing yet, though, and it's hard to go after something when you don't know what that something is.

This is something I've been thinking so much about. I keep going over these lists I make: things I can do, things I'm good at doing, things I like to do, things I would love to learn. I feel like I'm so close to figuring it all out. Just...need to keep working on it.

We also discussed how the recession is effecting people our age. I didn't realize how many people I knew back in Austin are currently unemployed. Or have taken pay cuts, while taking on heavier work loads to make up for layoffs. Or are working part-time because the full-time jobs just aren't there. Sometimes, because I have a job and most of the people I know up here have jobs, I forget that the recession is going on. Apparently it is, and boy, is it ever for people in their 20s. Makes me a little nervous about Kellen hunting for jobs right now... Keep your fingers crossed for him.

And, at the very least, I have a job to be very, very grateful for. Good luck to all of you out there still looking.

Behind the scenes

2009-08-11T16:16:00.001-07:00

So I haven't really been talking much about what I've been up to these days, and surprisingly, it's been a lot. After putting on 15 lbs. in a handful of months (I can only assume that turning 25 means your metabolism gives out on you), I decided it was time to stop pretending that the weight was going to magically come off in my sleep one night and start being healthier. I've been working on improving my diet (no more Dr. Pepper, no more junk for breakfast, lunch and dinner), and I've been doing 20-30 minutes on the elliptical 5 times a week. I have the not-so-greatest knees, so the low-impact workout I think is a nice way to ease into the habit without hurting myself or scaring myself away from at least trying.

So far, no noticeable weight loss, but I do feel better, and that's good enough reason for me to keep doing it. Plus, it makes me feel like I'm actually doing something, and it's just nice to feel like I haven't quit something lately.

I've also been working on improving my photoshop skills, building my professional website, and also doing more web work to build my portfolio. That takes up a lot of my spare time.

While my adult community band is on a temporary late-summer break, I've been ramping up my activities with the local alumnae chapter of my sorority. I'm the VP of Communication, which means I basically build and maintain the website and show up to officer meetings to help with activity planning for the whole year. I'm pretty excited about it, particularly our upcoming Founders' Day festivities, which I have never been able to participate in and for having activities to dress up for once again. Jeans and t-shirts get old after a while...

The weekend schedule is also getting crazy. The week before last my parents were in town, I don't even remember what I did last weekend, and then this weekend just past, Kellen's friends from college came into town to visit before they move off to Hawaii (so jealous), Saturday night I hosted a Rock Band party for co-workers at my house, and on Sunday we went down to Salem to see the new house (with air conditioning!) some friends of ours moved into. This weekend, my friends from college, Will and Kim, are coming into town so I'll be showing them around Portland. Kellen will be preparing for Burning Man (including buying a beater to drive out there and a boat load of supplies), which he leaves for next Saturday and won't be back from until the next weekend. One of those weekends, I have plans to help clean up at a local elementary school before school starts back.

Once Kellen is back, we've got two weekends in a row of out-of-town weddings, including his brother's which is going to be out in Bend. The whole shebang is happening out at FSIL's parents' house (future-sister-in-law) and the families are doing the catering, so that should be a super fun/super busy weekend.

Then, I think, we'll have one bless'd weekend free. Maybe.

At some point, I've got plans to go to Austin and/or San Diego, depending on money and time off, in October. Trying to decide where funds would be best allocated and which will involve the least amount of time/money spent. I've almost got my credit card paid off ($238 left!), and I'm apprehensive about putting a lot of new charges on it.

Oh, yes. And Kellen has been applying to jobs like crazy since his internship/school is up in December, and he will then be free to join the working world. So there've been a lot of resumes and cover letters floating around my house of late.

Band will start back sometime in September, and I'm thinking about taking a javascript course in November/December that will involve taking off from work early two nights a week and hauling butt all the way across Portland. So it's been busy, and who knows when it will let up? I'll try to keep you all posted though.

PS: Two women I work with announced they were pregnant at our team meeting on Monday. I'm on a small team. I'm beginning to think I should be concerned about what they're putting in our water...

Be fearless!

2009-08-09T22:06:00.000-07:00

I just got home from watching Julie and Julia. It was...wonderful. Even with the boom mic rearing its ugly head in every other scene (literally), I can't remember the last time I felt so inspired by a film.

Julie and Julia is about two women: Julia Child and Julie Powell. At the start of the film, both are two women who seem to be floundering for "something to do." Julia isn't interested in sitting around being just a housewife, while Julie is just looking for something other than her miserable cubicle job. This is obviously something I identify with. And both women find their niches—Julia in cooking, Julie in Julia.

I won't lie. I identified more with Julie than Julia. The girl is originally from Texas, has a crazy Southern mother, wants to be a writer (but isn't), who never finishes anything, who is languishing in a cubicle job, who writes a blog(!), and who desperately wants to be Doing Something. She's more like, well, like me. Julia, though, is that amazing person you want to be more like, and I think that's why Julie is so drawn to her. Julie comes across as a meek, nervous person who lacks the confidence to really go after life, and Julia's motto seems to be, Be Fearless! Have Courage! Have Confidence!

I loved them both so much. I loved all the lessons about life and passion that Julia has to offer—not to mention that I am blown away by her passion for real cooking, which is something I think is very important. And I loved that Julie tried so hard to learn those lessons and make them her own. The whole thing made me want to go home and start figuring out how I could tackle life the way Julia attacked her cooking or the way Julie attacked her blog. The way they went after the things they really wanted. Not many movies leave you with that feeling.

Also, there is a love of butter going on in this movie that, I'm sorry, any self-respecting Southern girl has no choice but to appreciate.

In short, I loved the movie. Boom mic and all.

"The only real stumbling block is fear of failure. In cooking you've got to have a what-the-hell attitude."

"This is my invariable advice to people: Learn how to cook—try new recipes, learn from your mistakes, be fearless, and above all have fun!"

- Julia Child

The worst part of wedding season...

2009-08-03T16:10:00.000-07:00

So I'm sure I'm not the only one who lately has been inundated with wedding invitations, new wedding albums on facebook, and nearly non-stop chatter about "We're going to Cabo on our honey moon." (To all my recently-wed sorority sisters: I'm not entirely sure how you guys managed to get through all of your honeymoons in Cabo without tripping all over the half dozen or so of your sisters who were in town honeymooning at the exact same time.) And really, there are lot of things that blow about wedding season. There's the, "OMG, I'm getting so old," thing. And the, "There really is nobody NORMAL left," thing. And there's the whole, "All of my friends have married and disappeared off of the face of the planet," thing.

But really, none of these is the worst thing about wedding season. The worst thing is seeing picture after picture of girlfriends all hanging out together, getting drunk at bachelorette parties, dancing around in penis-laden veils, and hugging each other post-ceremony in matching gowns. Why? Well, at least for me, it's because I don't really have any girlfriends.

Wait. Let me clarify. I have girlfriends. They're all just 1,000-2,500 miles away.

*ahem* But back to the story. I have no girlfriends in Portland. And I think this is a normal affliction for a lot of 20-something women. Our once-single girlfriends start coupling off and get separated from the herd (never to be seen again), the rest of our girlfriends move far, far away, or worse, we ourselves move far, far away. It's hard not having other women around whom you can talk to, giggle with, go do things with that don't involve either a lot of dinners for one OR action movies, dumb boy humor, and electronics. *cough* Not...that...I don't...love those things...Kellen... *cough*

Now, I do think the single girls have it a little easier when it comes to making new girlfriends. Whereas most nights I already have someone to eat dinner with and someone to go see movies with, most single girls don't. They do those things with other single girls. And while, yes, I know I can ditch my boyfriend a couple of nights a week to go hang out with other girls, that's not the same as the single girl relationships of yore where we all spent every waking hour together and never really had to worry about how we divided our free time. Those single girl relationships have a certain degree of intensity to them that you don't get post-singledom because, well, you're not relying solely on that person or group of people to meet your social needs. And I don't mean this as an insult to single girls at all. I think it's fantastic, and this is precisely what I miss in my life.

Even if you move to a whole new city, if you're single you'll probably be able to pick up some new girlfriends eventually. However if you're like me, and you've moved 2,500 miles to be with your boyfriend, well, then you don't meet as many girls and you don't make those really intense, bestie relationships that really seem to dry up the longer you're in your 20s and the longer you're in a couple. In fact, most of my female friends are either Kellen's friends or girlfriends of Kellen's friends, and most of them who hang out with me also hang out with Kellen and usually are flanked by their boyfriends. It's never "just the girls."

And they really are just female friends. They aren't girlfriends. They aren't the girls who told me I was gorgeous and awesome right after some douchebag had just broken my heart, who cleaned me up after a night of hard partying, who went out to dinners and movies with me, who made me laugh and made me cry and were basically the coolest people I've ever met. (And yes, you know who you are.)

I guess this is what happens when you get into a relationship where your boyfriend really does become your best friend and you really do share a family/home/life together. That kind of relationship is an all new kind of intense, and I'm really glad I found it. All the same, there's still the tug of nostalgia for the relationships I had before, with girls who live thousands of miles away, who have new lives and new adventures. Many of them are still my friends. We still talk. They're the people I will travel thousands of miles cross-country to see. But...it's not the same.

So I'm missing those female relationships and the unique friendships that come in an age when you've left your family but yet to make a new one, and so your family becomes the girls around you who make that period of your life worth remembering. And maybe with all those girls in their pictures from bachelorette parties and rehearsal dinners and receptions who are all clinging together and grinning and laughing are doing so so fiercely because they also feel nostalgic for something gone by. I know a lot of them also now lives thousands of miles apart and rarely ever see each other and spend their daily lives with their SO's, and as much as you might love him, you know that nothing will ever completely replace your super awesome wonderful fabulous girlfriends.

Everyone's got it all figured out but me...right?

2009-07-30T20:49:00.000-07:00

If you're in your 20s, it probably feels like everyone you know: just started their dream job, just moved to a cool new city, just traveled somewhere amazing, just fell in love, just got engaged, just got married, just found out they're pregnant, just had their first baby, just got a big raise/promotion, just bought a home...just has it all figured out. Except for you, of course.

In a time filled with so many firsts, it can sometimes feel like you're the only one not experiencing them or like you're the sole late bloomer in a world full of overachieving early birds who are gobbling up all the worms. I certainly know I've been tempted to shoo some of those birds off of my lawn a time or two. Then I remind myself, it's not their fault those birds are out there getting their fill, while I'm still rubbing the morning crusties out of my eyes...and sometimes, I'm not such a lazy bird myself. So why am I beating myself up over it (and glaring at them through the window)?

The truth is, we all feel envious sometimes. It's so easy to look at other people and see only what they have that you don't and to get wrapped up in all the ways you fail to add up. There are several problems with this, of course. For one, you completely ignore all of the great things you have going for you. For another, you completely ignore all the bad things they have going for them. When you let yourself pay too much attention to everyone else's positives, and only your negatives, you're not getting a clear picture of reality. You're just making yourself feel bad for no reason, and probably treating the object of your envy with a touch of resentment they don't deserve.

The biggest problem with envy, though, is that when you envy someone, you are seeing something in them that you clearly want or want to be yourself. But instead of making it a goal and going after it, you build up a mental block in your head that prevents you from seeing how you can realize that goal for yourself. "Well, of course he can do that. He is perfect! I could never do something like that." Or, "Some girls just have all the luck! I'd never luck into something like that." Nobody is perfect, though, and trust me, most things don't just happen out of sheer luck. Those people you're putting up on a pedestal have flaws and weaknesses, too, and they probably had to work their backsides off to get where they are. They're probably not all that different from you, and if they can do it, you can too. By examining how they got where they are now, rather than simply noting the discrepancies between you and them, you can probably get a few ideas about how to get where you want to be.

By getting a closer look, you might also realize that as good as what they have sounds on a superficial level, it's not really for you, and you can kick that green-eyed monster permanently and move onto a goal better suited to you.

Of course, there are some things other people have that you can't make happen through sheer force of will. You can't make the man or woman of your dreams materialize out of thin air any more than you can will your dream job into existence. But, you can remain upbeat and keep an open mind and keep looking. The more you put yourself out there, the greater your opportunity for finding that special someone or stumbling across that one job that really does it for you. If you work it up in your head, though, that only some people find those things, and you aren't one of those some people, you'll never even give yourself a chance.

It's been my general experience, though, is that everyone is one of those some people at least some of the time. So stop worrying about what everyone else has that you don't, and start enjoying what you've got instead and put it to good use!

PS: Today is the infamous 25th birthday. So far, so fun!

Finding Direction

2009-07-29T20:28:00.000-07:00

So I've been telling stories for as long as I can remember. When I was little, I was known for telling tall tales. Not fibbing, but making up people and creatures with elaborate back stories. I had imaginary friends and pet unicorns and a long lost twin sister who lived in California. Imagination, I had in spades.

The natural outlet for this was drawing pictures. Because I didn't know how to read or write (I was 3 or 4), stick figures drawn in crayon became my own personal language to tell all the stories I had stored up in my head. I'm not sure they made sense to anyone but me, but my mom saw TALENT! (she's my mom—I guess she can be forgiven for her lack of an eye for art, at least when it comes to me) and started putting my drawings in contests, and eventually, she put me in art classes.

I always had tons of notebooks filled with my drawings and my stories. I had an unnatural attachment to those notebooks. I still remember in 3rd grade when my mom made me throw out all of my old notebooks, and how I cried at having to give them up. Telling stories was irresistible, and telling them to other people was even more important. (I've always been a bit of a ham for an audience.) Writing, and by turns the art that I did which was another way of telling stories for me, have probably been the biggest and most consistent passions in my life.

It's not really surprising that in middle school, I started doing web design and publishing my novels (I wrote about 5 before I finished high school) on the internet. It was a logical outlet for the things I've been doing pretty much since I figured out how to talk and hold a crayon. And it's not surprising that no matter what other interests I picked up as I got older, I always came back to writing and art and web design. These are the things I do. These are the things I've always done. They are as much a part of me as my brown eyes or my short, stubby fingers or the scar on my right knee from a bicycle accident when I was 9.

When I get caught up in my worries about what I'm going to be when I grow up, when I get discouraged about finding my niche, when I feel like I'm without direction...I remind myself of the things I've been doing, and loved doing, all my life. I remember the things I knew I loved even before I realized there was supposed to be something in this world to love.

I feel like I often over-complicate what is a fairly simple question: what do I want to do? The answer should be: what I like doing. The specifics are more complicated, obviously, and less knowable, but when I feel overwhelmed, I'm just going to keep reminding myself of me at 4 years old, sitting on my mom's bed, drawing my stories out on paper.

Meeting of the Moms

2009-07-29T15:16:00.000-07:00

So last weekend went incredibly well. My parents flew into town on Friday, and Kellen and I spent the better part of the weekend keeping them entertained...which isn't too hard when your parents are from a town of 1,000 people. Just about anything seems entertaining. And on Sunday, Kellen's parents came up, too, so we had a whole house full of parents. Lucky for us, our parents get along swimmingly...our moms perhaps a little too well. (They're already plotting how to divvy up the grandchildren, I think.)

Last summer when my parents came up to visit, we met out on the coast. Kellen's dad manages some condos out that way, so we spent the weekend at the condos doing touristy things in a small Oregon coast town. Obviously, while my parents were here, they got to meet Kellen's parents for the first time.

Let me tell you something, ladies. If you ever wonder about the longevity of your current relationship or how successful it will be if you decide to start a family, one good test is to introduce your mother to his mother. Not only are your parents a pretty good example of what you and your SO will be like when you get older (for better or worse), your parents also can be pretty good gauges of the values and feel of the family you could potentially become a permanent part of. I wasn't really surprised when our mothers hit it off (I predicted it years before I even met Kellen's mom), but it really drove home something I had suspected all along: we came from similar places and experiences, had similar feelings about family and society, had compatible long-term values, and both had fantastic mothers.

Plus, I think because our mothers both approved of each other, they approved of us even more. Weird, huh?

Most of my other experiences with boyfriends' mothers have not gone so well. One of the moms was the Queen of Suburbia who made the comment, "Keith always likes the artsy girls"—code for "Keith likes the weird chicks"—the first time she met me, and the other was known by others as the Dragon Lady, and she made it clear early on that she did not approve of me. Not that I would have ever introduced either of them to my mother to begin with, but I knew from the beginning that my mother would never get along with their mothers and that, conversely, that other guy and I probably wouldn't jibe for long, either.

I know this isn't always true. I'm sure some of you have some royally screwed up families (or your SO's do) and would be horrified if your parents got along with and approved of his parents. But, I think most of the time it's really important to think about how your families match up, how they get along, because if you are in it for the long haul, it makes life awfully difficult if the two sides don't get along.

The parents are coming

2009-07-20T14:32:00.000-07:00

So my parents are coming to visit for the weekend. It's only for a couple of days, but I'm super excited. That's one of the things they don't tell you when you move out at 18 with no intention of ever moving back: you will miss your parents. Sometimes I feel like hanging out with my parents is sort of my own personal version of native earth...minus the whole coffin thing...obviously. A visit from them helps to restore a tiny bit of my [scant] sanity.

I wish we could visit more often.

Stop waiting to start

2009-07-19T20:28:00.000-07:00

Do you ever find yourself saying, "When X happens, then I'll start doing Y." When it stops being so hot/cold, I'll start jogging everyday. When I get a promotion, I'll start paying off my credit cards/putting money in savings. When I move to a new city, I'll start working on that Big Idea I had. When all my circumstances change, I'll change, too.

Only when the circumstances change, you don't change.

I recently read Kate Harding's post, "The Fantasy of Being Thin." Kate writes:

Because, you see, the Fantasy of Being Thin is not just about becoming small enough to be perceived as more acceptable. It is about becoming an entirely different person – one with far more courage, confidence, and luck than the fat you has. It’s not just, “When I’m thin, I’ll look good in a bathing suit”; it’s “When I’m thin, I will be the kind of person who struts down the beach in a bikini, making men weep.” See also:
When I’m thin, I’ll have no trouble finding a partner/reinvigorating my marriage.
When I’m thin, I’ll have the job I’ve always wanted.
When I’m thin, I won’t be depressed anymore.
When I’m thin, I’ll be an adventurous world traveler instead of being freaked out by any country where I don’t speak the language and/or the plumbing is questionable.
When I’m thin, I’ll become really outdoorsy.
When I’m thin, I’ll be more extroverted and charismatic, and thus have more friends than I know what to do with.
[…]

The reality is, I will never be the kind of person who thinks roughing it in Tibet sounds like a hoot; give me a decent hotel in London any day. I will probably never learn to waterski well, or snow ski at all, or do a back handspring. I can be outgoing and charismatic in small doses, but I will always then need time to recharge my batteries with the dogs and a good book; I’ll never be someone with a chock-full social calendar, because I would find that unbearably exhausting. (And no matter how well I’ve learned to fake it — and thus how much this surprises some people who know me — new social situations will most likely always intimidate the crap out of me.) I might learn to speak one foreign language fluently over the course of my life, but probably not five. I will never publish a novel until I finish writing one. I will always have to be aware of my natural tendency toward depression and might always have to medicate it. Smart money says I am never going to chuck city life to buy an alpaca farm or start a new career as a river guide. And my chances of marrying George Clooney are very, very slim.

None of that is because I’m fat. It’s because I’m me.

Now, guys, I've always been a skinny person, but reading this, I could feel the alarm bells going off in my head. Dingdingding! We have a winner! I've been telling myself these things since I was about 13-years-old. When everything around me changes, I'll change, too, because what is going on around me is what's holding me back.

Only...that's not what's holding me back at all. I'm the only thing holding me back. My current situation is only temporary. The things going on around me are only temporary. And the only way to change those things? Don't accept that they are unmovable obstacles. Start pushing against them, working around them, pretending they aren't there at all so you can fake it til you make it.

While what Kate was writing about was learning to accept yourself and your limitations, and not hating yourself all the time for not being perfect (and that is something, btw, I totally agree with), I think there's another lesson to be learned from this. If there are things you really want to do, don't let your current situation, your current problems, your current limitations keep you from doing what you want.

2009-07-16T14:37:00.001-07:00

Why I'm not excited about turning 25

2009-07-14T15:25:00.000-07:00

So my 25th birthday is just around the bend, and I have to say...I'm not looking forward to it at all. And no, this has nothing to do with the fact that I'm getting ever closer to wrinkles and gray hair and losing my "sweet young thang" status. Although I did hear someone recently put sweet young thangs firmly in the 24 and under demographic, and I cringed...just a little.

No. I'm not excited about turning 25 because it means I'm one year further along in life, and I still don't really seem to have developed the sense of self and direction I assumed that I would develop sometime before now. I'm 25 years old, and there are still a million things I haven't done, things I feel like I should have done and planned to do, but somehow never got around to doing. I'm 25, and I'm getting closer to a lot of the you're-a-grown-up-now deadlines that everyone seems to think I should be hitting (marriage, home, babies, etc.), but am not—not even close.

I'm not excited about turning 25 because, I thought 25 would feel a certain way, and I definitely don't feel the way I thought I'd feel at 25. It's the whole disparity between perception and reality thing that's got me kind of down. Where is my magical transformation into grown-up-ness? Why haven't I suddenly become all those things I thought grown-ups were supposed to be?

And, yeah, maybe it is just a little unfair that instead of all the wisdom and maturity and zen I was supposed to achieve at 25, I'm just as confused as I was at 23, only now I do have gray hairs and laugh lines and a metabolism that's disappearing faster than the polar ice caps.

But really...I just don't feel like I'm 25, even with the gray hairs. I still feel young, and not just in the bad ways. I still get super giddy and excited over the silliest things, and I can be really, really goofy. I still like wearing my pajamas, pretty much all the time, and have yet to adapt to a less comfortable but more professional wardrobe. Yeah, I've failed to become a sophisticated woman of the world, but at the same time, I've also got all this other great stuff going on, even if the world seems to be telling me it's time to stamp those tendencies out. I don't want to stamp those tendencies out, though. I don't want to get a year older, gain all of these new "adult" traits, but then be expected to lose some of the fun stuff of being young.

Maybe this is why I'm failing to become the grown-up I've always thought people were supposed to become: I just really like being young. Or...maybe this is why women have been so reluctant to admit their own age for so long. It has nothing to do with the shame of growing older, and everything to do with still feeling young inside—and not at all like what you thought you should feel when you reached a certain age.

So what is a quarter life crisis, anyway?

2009-07-13T12:59:00.000-07:00

My boyfriend recently started a 6-month internship with a company here in Portland. He immediately became a part of the young'n's club at the company, a group of employees under the age of 30 who go out to lunch every once in a while and chat. At the first meeting of the young'n's club, one of the young women who had only started working for the company recently told the boyfriend that when she'd first found out that she had gotten the job on a Friday afternoon she was ecstatic. And then she spent the rest of the weekend crying, because she realized she'd be working for the rest of her life.

Hello! Welcome to your own personal quarter life crisis!

Of course, this isn't the only way people experience a quarter life crisis. Generally speaking, a quarter life crisis is that emotional blech that happens some time after finishing your formal education and some time before, I can only assume, you get comfortable with the whole being a grown-up thing. (I question whether anyone ever really gets comfortable with the whole being a grown-up thing. If they did, things like lotteries wouldn't be so popular, because no one would be looking for ways to escape their lives as is.) Quarter life crises can come in many forms: it can be dissatisfaction with your chosen career or general insecurities about your achievements; it could be financial overload; it could be that you've moved far away from friends and family and are struggling to build adult relationships. Whatever the reasons, you're probably feeling lonely, disappointed, anxious, insecure, confused, and maybe even a little envious of those who seem to have it all figured out.

For me personally, the quarter life crisis has manifested itself in the form of a single question: "What the hell am I going to do with my life?" And it's been a question I've been trying to figure out the answer to for many years. The results of not knowing the answer to this question have been manifold. I often feel like I'm drifting through my life, purposeless. I'm unhappy with my job. I'm unhappy with myself. I struggle with setting goals and making future plans. I feel, in a word, stuck.

I'm really not sure what I'm supposed to do about this little problem of mine. I'm no life expert, and I haven't met any life fairies who have been willing to share any answers. So really, the only solution I've got for now is simply to keep trying, keep looking, don't give up. I'm sure if I keep pushing forward, I'll eventually find something that fits, right?

Maybe this is the only solution there is for people who are going through a quarter life crisis. Your biggest problem is that you feel like you're not living the right life. The only choice you have is to keep looking for the right one, to try new things and make mistakes and try something else and keep hoping eventually you'll figure it all out. It doesn't always sound appealing. Sometimes I wish someone would just send me an anonymous letter that says, "This is what you're meant to do." But... It's either keep searching or settle, and I don't know about you, but I've never been a fan of settling.

A ceramics professor comes in on the first day of class and divides the students into two sections. He tells one half of the class that their final grade will be based exclusively on the volume of their production; the more they make, the better their grade. The professor tells the other half of the class that they will be graded more traditionally, based solely on the quality of their best piece. At the end of the semester, the professor discovered that the students who were focused on making as many pots as possible also ended up creating the best pots, much better than the pots made by the students who spent all semester trying to create that one perfect pot
- Mike Arauz

I really want to be a writer.

2009-07-11T23:06:00.000-07:00

How do I do that, though?

I really want to be a writer. *sigh* I always have.

GPOYW fail...sort of.

2009-07-02T14:13:00.000-07:00

So I failed to take any pictures of myself last week. However, that's not to say I didn't do anything interesting. The band I'm in had a concert on Saturday. Monday I met with the Portland Alpha Phi alumnae execs to talk about the upcoming year and started plotting the development of their new website. (I'm the veep of communications...super exciting!) Tuesday was band practice, and yesterday, I got schooled on how to catsit a creature named Gargamel while her owners are out of town getting hitched. I also had an appointment yesterday with the dentist to take molds for my new crown. As some of you might be aware, I've been missing a tooth since October. Over the past nine months I've been going through the process of having an implant put in, and, I'm happy to say, looks like it will very soon be over, and I will no longer be toothless.

So it's been busy. But...my camera just didn't go with me for any of it. There's always next week though, right?

Working Girl Blues

2009-07-01T21:22:00.000-07:00

So...in the ongoing saga of my working girl blues, in the past couple of weeks I've had some breakthroughs. The first involved some advice from my mother, some good news from my boyfriend, and finding this fantastic tidbit from Zen Habits:

So the question is: Do I care?
Sure, sometimes you may have to do things you don’t really care to do. You probably don’t care much for cleaning litter boxes and filing your taxes. That’s a given. But we’re talking about the big things here, like the work you devote your life to.
Do you care about it? Be honest with yourself. Do you really care?
If you don’t care, allow that to be okay. At least you’re acknowledging the fact that you don’t care. Now you know that it’s not a water-tight productivity system you need to get you motivated. What you need is work that you give a damn about.

Now let me be clear. There are things about my job that I do care about. I care about performing well enough that I maintain the respect of my coworkers. I certainly care about performing well enough to keep my job. I care about the fact that this is the entry level experience I need to progress in my field. Do I care about the work that I do? Um...

No. Not really. And I don't mean this to be callous or ungrateful at all. I just work for a mega-corporation that sells products I'm simply not interested in. The entire scene--the endless rows of cubicles, doing work that almost any grunt with a basic knowledge of html could do, the being part of a corporate machine I don't always respect or agree with--has never really been my thing. In fact, it was the very thing I spent my teens and early twenties stating (rather firmly) that I would never be a part of. So, no, I don't care about my work in that sense.

But I do care about some parts of my work. I love coding. But I want more. I want to do more design, be more involved in the creative process, have greater control over the product I turn out. And there are other things I'm interested in, too. I'm interested in marketing and branding and social media. I'm interested in making things, doing things that help people on a very personal level, that helps to build community (local, global, whatever), that does something to add meaning or value to someone's life. My job doesn't and will never provide that, and that's not to say there's something wrong with my job, but rather, that because my job doesn't really do what I'm interested in, it's probably not the best fit for me.

Knowing this, I think it's okay for me to stop beating myself up over the fact that I'm not feeling fulfilled by my job or satisfied by the kind of work I'm doing. It's okay not to care. That doesn't mean I get a license to blow off my work or be a slacker. What it does mean is that I can stop investing so much in my work emotionally, that I can stop being upset because I'm not a "perfect" employee. I'm not meant to be perfect in this position. It's not what I'm cut out to do, and I can't make myself better suited for the work any more than I can make my job what I want it to be.

The best comparison I have is my ex-boyfriends. While most of my exes were nice guys and, yeah, for the most part we all got along and had some things in common (some more than others), there was always something that didn't click, something that didn't quite fit. And I couldn't be mad at myself for not being a better girlfriend to them, when I just wasn't the right person for them, or them for not being a better boyfriend to me, when they weren't cut out for me either. Neither of us was going to change, and neither of us should have to. We should be allowed to like what we like, be what we are, and walk away from the things in our lives that aren't compatible.

The thing is when the right guy came along, I knew, and I have to believe I'll know when I've found the right job for me in much the same way. And lord knows if I can find someone to spend the rest of my life with, I will be able to find a career I love, too.

So. The good news is that Kellen is going to be able to graduate early, and in six months, he will be getting a job. Whether that means we will be moving or not, it will definitely mean that I will have an opportunity to look for other work, including work that doesn't pay as well as my current position. I have no intention to quit anytime soon, and, who knows? Something brilliant may open up at my company and I may get shifted into something I love. But. I'm not counting on miracles. So my focus for now is on figuring out what it is I want to do, and how I want to get there. I've already got some ideas about where I want to go in my future, and the things I need to do to prepare.

Of course, that's a second breakthrough that maybe I'll talk about next time. For now, I'll leave you with a pretty fantastic quote from Po Bronson's book, What Should I Do with My Life?

Some people are born into their passions. Some never get them and don't care. But I think if you're really struggling to find it...it's almost certainly for a reason. I think the depth of your struggling is the sign there's something there. Something in you that's trying to get out. People who don't have passions don't struggle.

Goal for the week: do something GPOYW-worthy

2009-06-24T16:13:00.000-07:00

Every week, tumblr has this meme: GPOYW, or Gratuitous Pic of Yourself Wednesday.

It's worth noting that I've always been semi-famous (or infamous, depending on whether you're one among my acquaintance who doesn't like having their picture taken) for always having my camera on me and always taking an exorbitant number of pictures. No joke. I can snap 300 pictures in half an hour. And up until recently, I've had no problems coming up with new photos for GPOYW.

But lately, I just haven't been shooting very many pictures. There was UFO Fest about a month ago. A few quick shots of moving-related activities and the newly-decorated apartment. Really, though, I've been sort of boring for the past few months.

So my goal for the week is to come up with some new pictures. Of myself. Of anything, really. It shouldn't be too hard. We've got a concert this weekend, at the very least. All the same, it makes me sad that I haven't really done anything worth photographing in so long.

It's hard to write when what you really want to write about...

2009-06-22T20:07:00.000-07:00

...is the one thing that could get you in big trouble.

I like my job enough that I'm not going to talk about any of the specifics here. But...seriously? Is there anything worse than going to work 40 hours a week and feeling like nothing you do matters, nothing you do is getting noticed (except, of course, the bad stuff), and nothing you can do will really change anyone's perception of you...no matter how off-base that perception might be?

I'm frustrated, and it's really getting me down, and I'm so caught up in it, I can't stop thinking about it long enough to come up with anything else to talk about.

Anybody have some good advice for ridding yourself of negative energies and meditating yourself into a zen like state? Because I could really use it right about now.

Letting go

2009-06-18T21:45:00.000-07:00

When there has been so much love and happiness for someone, it is natural to be reluctant to close such a wonderful chapter in our lives, for moving forward is rarely accomplished without considerable grief and sadness. And while our sorrow may be profound, the clouds will clear, and the sun will shine on us again. And in that warm, bright light we will find ourselves facing a glorious future. A future of exciting challenges and infinite possibilities, in which the horizon will stretch out before us, trimmed in the heavenly glow of the sunrise of our tomorrow.
– The Little Prince (via)

Coupledom and having a life of your own

2009-06-17T20:30:00.001-07:00

My boyfriend and I have for the past several months (and for another string of several months before that) lived anywhere from 100 to 2,000 miles apart, so for the most part, leading independent lives has never really been a problem. Instead, we've faced the opposite problem: figuring out how to lead completely separate lives while maintaining a sense of togetherness. As of last weekend, though, Kellen moved in, and my concerns about being an independent woman have set in.

There's a common story that goes something like this: girl meets boy, girl falls for boy, girl ceases to exist as an independent entity. This usually results in the girl ditching her friends (Katie at Otherwise Optimistic describes the friendship fallout in painful detail), her hobbies and interests, her favorite activities, and spends most of her time hanging out with her boyfriend.

I'm sure guys do this to, to some extent, but girls are honestly the worst offenders when it comes to being subsumed by their relationships. I don't say this as a slander to women, either. We've all been so trained to believe that a man and a functional relationship are integral to our value as women (every princess has to have her prince charming!), and that they are prizes so highly sought-after we must do anything to get them and keep them, I can't really blame women for forgetting there are things outside of their relationships that are worth their investment of time and love. After all, centuries of social programming can't be undone overnight. (Note: Yes, I'm a feminist.)

At the same time, this phenomenon creates some pretty serious problems for women. For one, the older women get, the more frequently their friends, and consequently their social networks and support systems, begin to drop like flies. Particularly if a woman remains single for a long time, she can find herself being the odd girl out more often than not, with few good friends who are as devoted to her as she is to them. Just think about Sex and the City. A large part of the fantasy of the show, perhaps even moreso than finding the right man, is the idea that a woman could get to be in her mid-30s and still have friends who haven't completely sacrificed her in the name of a relationship, a husband, or children. The way we women abandon our friends creates, I think, a culture of believing all of our friends will abandon us and makes us distrust our female relationships. Instead, we rely on our male relationships...perpetuating a vicious cycle of abandoning both our friends and our individual selves.

For another, there's the entire fact that when you do these things yourself, you lose your own support network, your own emotional and creative outlets, your own ways of coping with stress, and, yes, a little of your own identity. And it's not just the fact that he might not always be around that should concern women. It's the fact that you lose a lot of the things that help keep you centered, that help you cope, that help you know who you are and what you want from life. While he might be able to supply some of those things for you, you'll never be able to completely replace a healthy relationship with yourself.

Beyond that, there's also the problem that so much togetherness often makes people crazy. (Note: If you haven't found that out yet, I'm guessing you haven't been dating your SO for very long.)

Which brings me back to where I started: I need to find a way to ensure I maintain my separate identity and my independent live, while he maintains his, too.

When Kellen and I lived together before, we tended to spend a lot of our time together. I defended the behavior in large part because, 1) Kellen and I had barely seen each other at all before and were sort of binging on amazing togetherness after months of deprivation, and 2) I was new to Portland and still hadn't made a lot of my own friends here. Kellen was pretty much my entire social network, which, really? Kind of sad. Don't get me wrong. My boyfriend is awesome. But a girl can't live on a boyfriend alone.

Over time, what I started to notice was that when we spent every spare second together, we started to get on each others' nerves a little. Every couple has small differences that, when put under the magnification of constant and intense togetherness, can quickly become big problems. The biggest problem we had was that I prefer to go to fewer social gatherings, spend less time at them, and need more downtime between them to recover than he does. He's much more social and just likes to be around people more.

By trying to exist on the same social schedule, we were kind of making ourselves miserable, with either him sitting around the house wanting to go out, or with me at social outings where I was just pooped and ready to go home. Eventually, I just started staying home on some of the occasions when he went out. And things improved quickly. I got my alone time. He got his social time. We spent less time together when one or both of us was irritable, and I think we both enjoyed our time at home, and our time out, all the more because we weren't forcing ourselves into situations we didn't really want to be in.

Another thing I noticed, though, is something I'm still going to need a lot of work on. I've mentioned before that I'm kind of introverted (or downright shy, depending on how you want to look at it) and that I struggle to make new friends. I have always been the sort that once I have a friend who serves as an "in" for a social group, I make friends quickly with the entire group...but I need that "in" person first. Kellen is the guy who always becomes an "in" person, almost instantaneously. I don't know if I've ever mentioned this, but half the reason I fell for him is because he's insanely charming. No matter where he goes, he manages to fit in and make conversation and make everything not awkward—skills I don't possess.

Kellen is, in short, my choice social lubricant—much like vodka, minus the whole "I'm going to regret this later" side effects. This sounds bad, but I use him a lot as a social crutch. If there's a party, I prefer him to come with me, even if it's a party being thrown by people I work with. It's easier if he's there. In general, and I think a lot of couples find this, having someone else who is always with you helps to deflect some of the pressures experienced in social settings. You've got someone to share the responsibilities of starting conversation, keeping conversation going, and delivering a graceful exit when the time comes. Even if Kellen and I don't find anyone to talk to, at least we can talk to each other, and I don't end up lingering awkwardly by the punch bowl...alone.

So, yeah, I use my boyfriend as a social crutch. And the thing is, it can't continue like this. It keeps me from forcing myself to get out there and cultivate relationships with other people and from developing necessary social skills. Plus, I'm not proud of the fact that I rely so much on my boyfriend for something any reasonably self-confident grown woman should be able to do on her own. Part of the great thing about being in an LDR and spending so much time alone, of course, is that over the past year, I've started to get out more on my own, if for no other reason than pure necessity. There have been times when Kellen couldn't be there, and so I've had to go it alone. So...it's improving. I just worry I'm going to relapse now that he's easily accessible again. (He really is starting to sound like my drug habit, rather than my boyfriend, isn't he? Precisely why I'm telling all of you, it's not healthy to be so dependent on another human being!)

For all of you girls out there who are in relationships, especially those of you just getting started, I encourage you to hold on to your own interests and your own friends. Don't be that girl who ditches a friend in her time of need just because your boyfriend wants to hang out and watch movies. Don't be that girl who only calls her girlfriends when she's on the outs with her significant other. Don't be the girl who gives up all of her own interests and activities to spend all of her time with her boyfriend and become interested in all the things he's interested in: he won't appreciate that you've given up so many of the things he loved about you, and after a while, you will probably realize you don't appreciate that you've given up so many of the things you once loved about you, either.

Twenty-something women who inspire me

2009-06-16T22:10:00.000-07:00

So for the past several weeks, I've been getting incredibly down on myself about the fact that I feel like I'm living a dead-end life. I've sold out my ideals for a steady paycheck and decent benefits. I no longer travel. I no longer do design for myself. I feel like I'm not doing anything meaningful or worthwhile, to be honest. The highlight of my week is either weekends with my boyfriend (he's moved in now, btw—hooray!) or my 2-hour adult band rehearsals on Tuesdays. I've been dealing with higher than normal levels of depression, anxiety about both my present and future, and a general desire to either hide under the covers until everything changes itself or to quit my job, ditch the apartment, and just run away for several months. This isn't a new impulse for me. I've gotten it every few months since I was about 16, and no matter what I do, it always seems to be there, lurking around each shadowy corner, waiting to jump out and grab me at my weakest moments. Contentment with the routine has never been my thing, and in the past, I've never been really afraid to give into the impulse to cut bait and run when I had the option.

Lately though, I've been struggling to convince myself that maybe I should act on the impulse. That maybe it's time to jump into something new. I've always been the sort who needs a secure landing spot before I jump, though, and right now there don't seem to be any safe places to land.

At the same time, there are many women around me—women in my real life, women I know primarily through the blogosphere, women I know by reputation through friends—who continue to inspire me with their ability to make those incredible leaps, to do incredible things and to live, by turn, incredible lives. Today I'm writing a post about the women who inspire me, who motivate me, who nudge me a little closer to the proverbial precipice. I hope you can find inspiration in them, too.

Nicole
Nicole is spending the next few months living out of a duffle bag. She's going to be crashing couches all over the country, experiencing new people, new places. She runs a website called HandsIn, which talks about, encourages and provides opportunities for 20-somethings to volunteer. She has ambition and goals, and she's taking steps to lead an independent and fulfilled life. So awesome.

Lisa
I first found Lisa on the 20-something bloggers community. (Note: If you aren't there, you should be!) Lisa founded this incredible community which has become a fantastic resource for so many young bloggers and people involved in the online community. And she's currently in the midst of an almost 3 month trip to Kenya. And she's only 21. Holy wow.

Kim
Kim is one of the coolest friends I made in college, and I have to be honest, she kills me with her work ethic. She recently finished up her double grad degree in Journalism and Public Affairs (correct me if I'm wrong, Kim) at UT, and during this time she's worked on starting multiple companies of her own. She's built up some pretty amazing design chops, become involved in AIR-Austin (Accessibility Internet Rally) and I think won the competition twice(?), continually seems to be working ten different jobs, and right now is working part-time for two different companies, and seems to be building a career for herself that she actually enjoys. (Whoa. Who does that in their 20s?) Plus, she's always traveling to cool places and making me very jealous. I am inspired by her ability to put in the hard work required to build the life she wants.

Elyse
Elyse is another friend from college, who also does amazing things...all the time. Right after she graduated from college, she biked from Austin to Alaska in the Texas 4,000 and is currently kicking ass in med school. She's one of those people who makes up her mind to do something, and always has incredible reasons for doing them, and then just does them. She doesn't require anyone else to go her way with her. She's fierce and independent, and I admire the hell out of her.

Amber
Amber is a friend of Kellen's whom I met once very briefly at a lunch in Texas when she came down from Oregon to visit. I really liked her when I met her, and when I found a link to her blog on Kellen's site, I became even more impressed. Not only is she an amazing writer, but she is a person who loves to travel and has a genuine desire to help people. Dissatisfied with her first post-college job, she recently quit and is spending the summer traveling and taking on sort of DIY self-improvement projects. She's also landed a job doing something she has a passion for—she'll be working for Girls, Inc. in the fall. The way she's really stuck by her ideals, the way she always seems to be actively seeking out the life she wants...she's very inspiring. I've been secretly reading her blog for 4 years (I finally came out of the closet a few months ago) for that very reason.

That's what I've got for now. I really hope you find these girls as amazing and impressive as I do, and that they encourage you to look for whatever it is you want from life and to be unafraid to reach for it when you find it.

Now I've got a question for you: Who inspires you?

Craigslist Hell

2009-06-12T16:33:00.000-07:00

So I don't know if I've mentioned this here or not, but about a month ago I moved. Nothing major. I just loaded everything into a truck and hauled it 40 blocks closer to my work—effectively cutting my commute in half. The new apartment is pretty fantastic. I got 300 more sq. ft. for a whopping $3 more each month. It's partially underground, so it stays cool on even the hottest days. Plus, I'm getting two roommates (the boyfriend and his current roommate) in t-minus 1 day.

Awesome.

Of course, as with any move, there is always some trouble figuring out where to store everything and the occasional buying/selling of furniture. Part of my additional 300 sq. ft. is a dining room, which I didn't have at my old place, and so I've added a dining table to my shopping list. And because my kitchen is about half the size of the old one, I don't have cabinet space for some of my dishes and food products, so I've added a stand-alone pantry to the list, too.

Because I hate buying new and having to pay exorbitant prices for what more often than not is particle board that will fall apart in a few years anyhow, Craigslist has become my new best friend. The only problem? Wading through dozens of ridiculous/overpriced/trashy pieces of furniture, often with bizarre/vague descriptions and no pictures, or written by people who are so creepy just in writing that I have no desire ever to meet them in person.

In Portland you see a lot of advertisements for "vintage" or "antique" furniture, which they've marked up to antique store prices, but which often lack antique store polish. For the "vintage" dining tables, I've come across far more heavily scratched, stained or damaged finishes, mismatched dining room suits, and just plain tacky 10-year-old cheap furniture than I have anything that I would actually be willing to pay a little extra for due to its historical value.

Then there is all of the stuff from IKEA and Target being resold at almost the same price as new items from those stores, and after a couple of years of use, I'm sorry, but it's particle board. It doesn't retain value.

There is everything listed as "brand new," which usually means: 1) it is being sold by a furniture store at furniture store prices, 2) it is being sold by someone who really did just buy this furniture and are being forced to get rid of it for whatever reason and are trying to lose as little as possible on the deal, and 3) the stuff that isn't new at all and is just being peddled as new so people can drive up the prices. Not that the differences in this category really matter, though, since most of the stuff in this category is pricey, and even if the item is pricey for good cause, that doesn't make the money magically materialize in my bank account.

The rest of the stuff on Craigslist, the stuff that has been listed honestly and is being offered at a reasonable price and isn't total rubbish? Most of it is just tacky. Nobody wants to buy anything wooden (or particle board) that is the same color as the wood paneling in my parents' house that's been there since 1972. Nobody wants your smurf blue couch...or your couch that's the color of baby poop...or your couch that has the pastel patterns that haven't been in since the 80s. And nobody over the age of 19 wants your futon, okay? Nobody. So just do everyone a favor and leave it by the dumpster.

Then, after searching for days and days and finally finding something you actually like that is in a reasonable price range, you e-mail or text the person (whatever they say is the best method of contact) and wait anxiously to find out if you can have a now much-coveted piece of furniture. After all, you've wasted hours of your time scouring the internet to find it. You feel almost like you deserve it for the pain you've endured. But about half the time, you never hear a word of response. The other half, the stuff you actually liked has already been sold. And you're back at square one.

*sigh*

Seriously, if it's this difficult to find decent furniture on Craigslist, why the hell do people even bother trying to date on Craigslist?

Life after college...myths or reality?

2009-06-08T11:33:00.000-07:00

Gradspot recently posted an article written by Kristen Fischer, author of Ramen Noodles, Rent and Resumes: An After-College Guide to Life, entitled Ten Myths About Life After College. In this, Fischer attempts to take the scary veneer off of The Real World by saying that all those horror stories you've heard about life after college are just that: stories.

The only problem? A lot of them aren't just stories.

I've personally experienced 7 of the 10 items listed here, and upon a cursory survey of other friends and acquaintances, it's pretty obvious that I'm not alone. Have I gone through a "quarter-life crisis" and mild depression since leaving college? Yes. Have I struggled to pay the rent, pay off my student loans, pay for food? Yes. Have I used my degree in my career or stayed in touch with my friends from college? No. Are my troubles just the result of a lack of a go-get-'em attitude? No. And I know plenty of others who have struggled with a lot of these things, too. The chances that you will be able to avoid all of these in your first few post-grad years? Um...not so good.

And it's not that I want to scare people or make people worry about their future. I just want to make it clear that the myths being debunked here aren't myths. They are very real situations, and they are happening to large numbers of people just out of college, just starting their careers. What I want people to realize is that not only do these things happen and happen regularly, if they happen to you (and it's likely at least some of them will), it's not the end of the world. A lot of people are going through the same thing, so you're not alone in what you're experiencing. Just because you struggle with some of these areas doesn't make you a failure or reflect badly upon you in any way. And just because you struggle with some of these now doesn't mean you always will. Things will get better.

A lot of these are useful, or even necessary, experiences to help you, well, grow up. A quarter-life crisis could help you to realign your career goals and move toward a more fulfilling life. Struggling to find a job can force you to improve your resume, your interview skills, and to increase your education or training for a given field. Moving home with mom and dad can be a smart temporary solution, which will save you a lot of money and leave you better prepared for the future. Losing touch with your old friends just means you will make new ones. And not being able to pay the bills can teach you some pretty serious budget skills that will be valuable for the rest of your life. And if you can't think of any other positives coming out of your current trial, at least it will teach you patience: this too shall pass.

Sometimes, knowing what is out there, knowing what you can expect is a good thing. You can make plans and adjust your expectations accordingly. Moreover, knowing that a lot of people are going through the same thing can take the scariness out of the situation. Denying that a lot of young people do go through these things and do struggle to overcome them isn't helpful, though.

You will probably struggle your first few years out. Money will be tight. Your job very well might stink. You may still not know what you want to be "when you grow up." These things are just a part of being in your 20s, though, and while, yeah, sometimes it sucks, this is stuff everyone goes through. It's stuff everyone needs to go through to figure out what they want, how to get it, and how to keep it.

I screwed up. Now what?

2009-06-05T12:55:00.000-07:00

So it started about a month ago, the week I had my interview for a promotion. Earlier in the week, I had not done a high priority ticket that I was supposed to do and had almost (I didn't, but I cut it close) missed a deadline. It had been a mix-up. I received an e-mail from my boss telling me that two projects were high priority, and from verbal communication I assumed that #2 on the list was the most high priority. I was wrong. The snafu was brought up in the interview, but...it was a one-time thing, I had corrected the problem, and I didn't think about it very much after that.

Then something weird happened. I screwed up another project. It came on the heels of the other two projects, and I didn't have quite enough time to get it done to my liking...but I sent some content live that had some pretty serious errors. And then in one week, from a combination of projects that I was working on, I received more errors that were my fault from quality assurance than I have in the entire 15 months I'd been here before combined.

Then I missed another e-mail. I think I deleted it, but I don't know, because I didn't get it until a couple of days later when my boss sent it to me again, saying that the person who needed the content requested in the e-mail was upset.

I had to have a meeting with my supervisor about what was bringing down my performance, what needed to happen to ensure I was reading all my e-mails, what I could do to improve. My boss started ensuring I received critical e-mails by sending them to me twice and putting notices on them so that he would get a message as soon as I read them.

Then today, I was late (really late) for the meeting where they delivered the decision to me on the promotion. It was scheduled in my lunch hour, but I forgot about it and skipped off to lunch. I got back before the meeting was supposed to end (thank God), but that didn't really do anything to change the fact that I was really, really late. Not surprisingly, I didn't receive the promotion. And the fact that I've screwed up lately, "need a sense of urgency," and need to pay more attention to detail was brought up in front of another supervisor, as was the fact that we'd already had a meeting to discuss this.

The thing that gets me? I've only been late to two other meetings the entire time I've worked here, 16 months. I've received more errors from quality assurance in the last month than ever before, total. In fact I'm pretty sure I more than doubled the my total this month. I've never missed an e-mail. Never come close to missing a deadline on a high priority ticket because I just didn't do it. I've never been such a screw up at any job as I have been here in the past few weeks. No one has ever had to pull me aside and have a talk with me about the way I get my work done. No one. The critiques I received a month ago at the interview for the promotion were a complete 180 from the ones I received today. A month ago, the critique was to be more vocal, be more involved. Today it was, do your job.

Truth be told, I'm completely mortified. It only makes it worse that I don't know why I've been such a flake for the last month. My supervisor asked if I was getting distracted, if I wasn't feeling challenged enough and was allowing my mind to wander...but that's not really it at all. Yes, I'd like more challenging work, but I don't think that's what's been keeping me from doing my job. I've been a little dissatisfied with things going on in my workplace, things that I will not discuss here, but nothing...nothing epic. And I've never let minor annoyances get in the way of doing my job before. If anything, I just work harder.

I have no excuses, no reasons, no explanations.

So what's going on?

And more importantly, what can I do to get back on track and get my coworkers to start trusting me again? Because I've been trying for the last month, ever since that first slip, and it seems just to have gotten worse.

Infinite Possibilities

2009-06-02T20:23:00.000-07:00

Twenty Somethings in the News: Too many choices?

2009-05-21T15:41:00.000-07:00

I can do anything, so how do I choose?

Newsweek has a great article up, written by Jenny Norenberg, about all the options young people have these days over career, location, relationships. Norenberg both appreciates the options she's been given and sees how they can be overwhelming at times. She also talks about her mother, who had fewer options (getting married after college was the expectation, if not the rule) but greater stability. Here's an excerpt from this excellent piece:

Since graduation, we've struggled to make our own happiness. It seems that having so many choices has sometimes overwhelmed us. In the seven years since I left home for college, I've had 13 addresses and lived in six cities. How can I stay with one person, at one job, in one city, when I have the world at my fingertips?
[...]
The more choices you have, the more decisions you must make—and the more you have yourself to blame if you wind up unhappy. There is a kind of perverted contentedness in certainty born of a lack of alternatives. At my age, my mother, whether she liked it or not, had fewer tough decisions to make. I don't envy the pressure she endured to follow a traditional career path and marry early. But sometimes I envy the stability she had.
Once again I've been unable to resist the lure of a new city. So, as I start my legal career in Chicago, I'm again building friendships from scratch, learning my way around a strange new place. Yes, my friends and I could have avoided the loneliness and uncertainty inherent in our journeys, and gone back to our hometowns or stayed in the college town where we had each other. But I doubt any one of us would trade our adventures for that life. I have a sense of identity and self-assurance now that I didn't have, couldn't have had, when I graduated from college. And I know someday I'll look back on this time--before I had a spouse, a home and children to care for--and be thankful for the years that just belonged to me.

I feel much the same about my life. I've lived in a lot of places, done a lot of different things. And there are always more options waiting just around the bend! It can make it hard to see where to go next, what to do next. While it hasn't always been perfect, while I haven't always been happy, I love that I have been able to experience these things. I know it's something I will be able to appreciate later.

What do you think? Do you think we have too many choices at the risk of building stable homes, families and lives...or do you think our lives are richer for the experiences we get to have that our parents didn't? Do you ever wish you had fewer choices?

Thanks, Well-Heeled!

To grad school or not to grad school

2009-05-21T12:18:00.001-07:00

Globe Campus: Should you go to grad school?

I know a lot of you new graduates are considering grad school as an alternative to getting a job, largely because the economy stinks right now and getting a job seems almost impossible. I get it. Grad school sounds like a fantastic alternative. You'll gain more education, which is usually appealing to employers, and you'll get to live on student loans or a stipend from the school for a few years, which solves your immediately cash flow problem. And, let's face it, 2-3 more years in college sounds like 2-3 more years of something you're already comfortable doing. What's not to like about the idea of going to grad school?

Christina Varga at Globe Campus has a great write-up about the choice to go back to grad school or not. In a lot of ways, she really nails the practical advice against going to grad school. Unless you're going into a program specifically related to your career, and that clearly will boost your preparedness for your career, your grad school experience probably isn't going to be as appealing to a future employer as you think. More importantly, there are other, likely better ways of getting experience/education that don't involve a graduate education.

From the standpoint of marketing yourself to employers and creating a personal brand, this is fantastic advice and a fantastic column. However, I think there are other areas to be discussed, other than potential career impact, that should be a pretty serious factor in whether or not you choose to go to grad school. As a person who did a master's degree right out of undergrad, I know I had a lot of misconceptions going in about what grad school would be like, how I would fit in with graduate school culture, and how I would perform, and those misconceptions absolutely influenced me in my decision to go to grad school. Some of the things you should be thinking about are: what grad school will actually be like, what is the emotional/health impact of grad school, and what is the financial impact of grad school (both in the short- and long-term.)

The first thing you need to know about grad school is this: getting a graduate degree is nothing like getting an undergraduate degree. The work load is heavier, the expectations are higher, and the intensity of graduate level work often makes what you did as an undergraduate look like the stuff of preschoolers. Even staying within the same program at the same school, I had a hard time adjusting to the new work load and to the higher calibre of work and participation that was expected of me.

Unless you really love what you are doing in grad school, it will be a struggle. I almost quit my program after the first semester because the professor I was supposed to work with left, and there was no one in my department working on anything similar to what I was working on. That meant I spent a lot of time in classes I wasn't interested in, writing papers on topics I didn't care about. The work was rigorous and very demanding, and if you don't enjoy doing it, grad school will suck the life out of you. I say this quite literally. By the end of my first term of grad school, I had dropped 30 lbs. (and I wasn't a big girl), and by the end of my second term, I developed a case of mono that I didn't fully recover from until I graduated a year-and-a-half later. Grad school is tough, mentally and physically. Do not underestimate it.

Beyond that, grad school is expensive. If you are considering grad school, I highly recommend you look for programs that offer stipends for grad students who work as associate instructors, TA's or research assistants, although it's worth noting that often even those do not pay very well. If you do not get some sort of stipend from the school, you are at the mercy of financial aid. While federal student loans will give you up to $20K/yr.-ish (if you attend summers, too), and I'm sure you can rack up some private loans if you go to a more expensive institution, you are still typically left living at about poverty level for the duration of your graduate program. And don't forget! You'll spend many years after graduating paying the government back for the "convenience" of living on top ramen during your grad school years. We're talking hundreds of dollars out of a paycheck that, even post-grad school, might not be that much, every single month for years on end. Oh, yeah. And good luck getting health insurance.

Unless you feel your career will give you the means to take care of the student loans, I would suggest you seriously reconsider going into any program that doesn't offer a hefty stipend, of some form, for its grad students. And be prepared, regardless, to spend a couple of years being very, very poor.

Not all of graduate school was bad, obviously. I have a greater sense of accomplishment about writing my thesis than I do about pretty much anything else I've ever done in my life. Who cares if no one except my thesis advisor and second reader ever read it? It is still an immense source of personal pride. It will likely never get me a job, but there is always something to be said about doing something for yourself, rather than to achieve an end. I can also thank grad school for my current perspective on the world, for a stronger sense of self, for a greater degree of confidence in my abilities, and of course, greater maturity. Grad school was my trial by fire, and I think I came out on the other end a better person because of it. It didn't make me more employable. It didn't ensure I got a better salary when I did join the workforce. But...I did something I truly loved, and from that perspective, grad school had (and still has) immense value to me.

It's something every person has to work out for themselves, but my advice for anyone considering grad school is this: if you really love something, if you are genuinely interested in building your knowledge and changing how you think about things, and you are willing to sacrifice your finances, your health, and your sanity to pursue that path...absolutely, 100% do it. The future be damned. However, if you're doing this because it seems like a good way to avoid struggling for a few months with unemployment, if you think grad school is going to be the path to higher pay when you do decide to enter the workforce, if you are doing this for any other reason than you are completely ecstatic about the program you are going into, you should really reconsider. And by reconsider, I mean don't consider grad school at all.

In the middle of my graduate program, I came across this article entitled, "So you want to go to grad school." There was a section in it that struck me as particularly poignant at the time, and even now, pretty much sums up my memory of graduate school:

Be wary of people who claim that grad school is a 'wonderful' experience, a means of acquiring the polish of culture--a kind of 'grand tour'--before entering the 'real' world. Professionalism obligates people to speak positively about their alma mater in public. Grad school is not all fun and personal enrichment for many people. It can involve poverty-level wages, uncertain employment conditions, contradictory demands by supervisors, irrelevant research projects, and disrespectful treatment by both the tenured faculty members and the undergraduates (both of whom behave, all too often, as management and customers.) Grad school is a confidence-killing daily assault of petty degradations. All of this is compounded by the fear that it is all for nothing; that you are a useful fool.

In short, grad school is not for the faint of heart. Think seriously on whether it's something you really want for yourself before you make the decision to go.

I don't wanna work. I just wanna bang on the keyboard all day.

2009-05-20T10:22:00.000-07:00

When I first went off to college, I had some fairly serious procrastination issues. If I had a paper or presentation coming due soon, my routine became something like this:

Open Microsoft Word or PowerPoint, my books and notes. Stare at the screen for a few seconds.
Open Firefox.
Check e-mail.
Check my favorite blogs/websites.
Click back to Word/PowerPoint and stare at the blank page for a few seconds. Get discouraged.
Check e-mail.
Check my favorite blogs/websites (again, even if I knew they wouldn't have been updated in the last 10 minutes.)
Run a random google search on something I just thought of...completely unrelated to paper/presentation.
Click back to Word/PowerPoint and stare blankly at the screen.

Lather, rinse, repeat.

Basically, I could do this until, oh, about 8 hours before my paper was due (usually in the middle of the night), at which point I would stay up all night to crank out what often ended up being an A paper, thanks to the effortless genius that comes with sleep-deprived delirium...or TA's who had too many papers to grade to really pay attention to the fact that I couldn't put together complete sentences half the time. Whichever.

Needless to say, I had a bad case of procrastination, one that I didn't cure myself of until I started grad school and realized that 25-page papers wouldn't write themselves in a night. And that the professors actually paid attention to what I wrote in my papers now.

LiveScience says that 15-20% of people are chronic procrastinators, and 90% of college students procrastinate. That means there are a lot of us sitting around procrastinating at any given time, on any given day. And there are a lot of reasons why people procrastinate. Sometimes we procrastinate because we feel overwhelmed. Sometimes we procrastinate because we feel we don't know enough to complete a project, or we think failure is inevitable. Sometimes we even procrastinate because we feel guilty about procrastinating, and so we keep procrastinating in order to avoid dealing with our guilt. Sometimes we procrastinate because we just don't want to do the work: we aren't invested in it, we don't care about it, it really doesn't matter to us if it gets done or not. Then, of course, there are the people who have procrastinated so often, it's become a part of their every day work process—a habit.

Regardless of why we procrastinate, it's a behavior that drains us of energy, increases stress, and, in the end, usually just means we rush to get everything done and end up not doing any of it very well.

So what do you do to overcome procrastination?

In college, I became a huge fan of to do lists. I would write down everything that needed to get done, when I needed to be finished with it, and tackle the list as quickly as possible. For some reason, seeing all those items crossed off the list made me feel like I had accomplished something, which gave me a boost of confidence to go after checking off even more items on the list. Of course, sometimes I would use writing to do lists as a way of procrastinating, too, so this wasn't always a useful strategy. But on the whole, it helped keep me focused, helped me to make sure I met all deadlines, and definitely gave me something to feel happy about at the end of the day—a feeling procrastination can rob you of completely.

Another thing I did to crush procrastination was break down larger tasks into smaller ones. Because I would sometimes procrastinate because I became so overwhelmed by the amount of work I needed to do (especially in grad school!), it really helped to break up the work into smaller, more manageable pieces. All those 25-page papers were broken down into 5-page increments over a span of 5 days, and I'd give myself an extra day or two to proofread and make edits. A 25-page paper might make my brain fizzle out just thinking about it, but a 5-page paper was kid's stuff. This strategy was crucial when I was cranking out my 130-page master's thesis.

One of the biggest reasons why I procrastinated in college, though, was that I am a complete perfectionist. I like things to be perfect, and I like my product to be, well, better than everyone else's. A couple of days ago, I talked about how failure, or even the prospect of failure, can really get me down. So as you can imagine, if I thought I was going to fail to meet my expectations, or anyone else's, I would get discouraged and not even try. I think that's why waiting until the night before to do my work tended to be my strategy as an undergrad: I was too tired to care whether or not the work was perfect.

In grad school, I had to learn to let go of my desire to be perfect, to be the best. Sometimes, I had to settle for doing work that was just okay. There were not enough hours in the day to be the best at everything, and sometimes, if it was a project I wasn't as interested in or didn't see inherent value in, it just wasn't worth beating myself up over. I think this is what really helped me overcome my procrastination problem in college. Giving myself more realistic expectations meant that expectations were easier to meet, and I was more likely to try to meet them.

Now that I'm in the workforce, I still sometimes have problems with procrastination, particularly if it's a project or task I don't want to work on at all. It's almost like a subconscious passive-aggressive behavior: I don't like this project, so I'll do (or won't do) whatever I can to make sure it doesn't go well. However, even with this kind of mental block going on, there are still ways I can trick myself into doing the work. I give myself short-term rewards. If I do this, I can browse the internet for 15 minutes. If I finish this, I can get a soda from the vending machines. For some of the truly mind-numbing tasks I have at work (and let's face it, we all have them), I think giving myself short-term rewards is the only way I manage to get any of them done without losing my sanity.

And when all else fails, I remind myself of something Kellen's mom (a psychologist) told him back when we were both in college: "The best way to get motivated is to get started." Truer words were never spoken. If I can't find some way to trick myself into doing the work, I just tell myself I will get started on it, and the motivation usually comes shortly thereafter.

Whatever the reasons you procrastinate, one of the best things you can do to overcome procrastination is to do what I've been doing here: identify why you procrastinate. If you know why you procrastinate, you can take steps to overcome those barriers to being more productive. Whether it's lack of confidence, lack of passion, or lack of motivation, there are many steps you can take to leave your desire to put off until tomorrow in the dust.

And you should really get started on this, you know, today. ;)

Five things you might not know about me:

2009-05-19T12:27:00.000-07:00

Because I don't really write much about my past or background, I thought it would be good just to give a basic (very basic) history of myself in the form of a handy, dandy list.

At heart, I'm a small town Texas girl. I grew up in a small town in Northeast Texas with a population of about 1,000 people. My graduating class had 29 people in it.
I went to the University of Texas. I completed my B.S. in radio-television-film in 2005 and my M.A. in the same department in 2007.
I love Bollywood. In fact, I love it so much, I did my graduate work in Hindi cinema, in tandem with cultural identity, immigration, and youth culture.
I have a younger brother. His name is Ben. He's in the air force and is currently stationed in Monterey, CA.
I used to be a flight attendant. I worked for Northwest Airlines, very briefly. I loved the job and get wistful every time I see a plane flying overhead. But then I very quickly get appreciative of my current job when I can buy groceries!

Great Expectations (and what to do when you fail to meet them)

2009-05-18T14:59:00.000-07:00

When it comes to setting the bar, I've always set my personal bar a little higher than anyone else ever has for me. I expect more of myself, I push myself further, and generally speaking, I punish myself much more when I fail. Like anyone, I've failed quite a bit in my life. Sometimes I've turned this into something positive. For instance, making a C on a paper in college meant redoubling studying efforts and pulling out an A for the semester. At work, I'm reinventing my professional persona so I come off as more people-friendly, after being critiqued as being "too shy" for a promotion.

Often, though, personal disappointment turns into apathy, and apathy turns into stagnation. Even though I know I could have easily achieved some of my goals if I worked a little harder—and some I know were completely beyond my control—I begin to build up this complex in my head when I fail. I think, "I won't ever accomplish this, I can't accomplish this, and so why should I ever even try to accomplish this?"

It's a horrible, horrible approach to take toward anything, one that is self-defeating, negative and ultimately crushes all ambition, motivation, desire, and self-confidence. It's one of those things about myself that I despise, and it becomes added to the list of ways I've disappointed myself. And as with many of my other failings, every time I begin to tackle it, I get discouraged at failure and give up all over again.

It's a frustrating cycle, one I'm not proud of and am certainly not condoning. What I'm interested in now is trying to find a way to break out of this downward spiral into burn-out-ville.

I think one of my biggest problems is that I lack direction. I have many goals, but they are all over the place and for the most part, only vague ideals. Whether we are talking about professional goals or personal goals, a lot of times I just feel lost. While I have a lot of good ideas set out, I feel like I have overwhelmed myself with too many expectations and haven't given myself a realistic way of achieving any of them. I consider this my own personal quarter-life crisis: there are so many things I want to do, only so much time/resources with which to achieve any of them, and in my haste to be everything at once, I've sort of failed to do any of them at all. I've been trying to eat the whole chicken, when I should have been focusing on finishing just the thighs or just the legs first.

So, one of the first things I want to do is to pare down my goals to two or three reasonable things that I can achieve easily. This includes looking at my long-term goals, deciding which are most important, and figuring out incremental ways to get started on those long-term goals. Really, the two things I want to do most in the next few years are starting my own business and writing a book. These are goals I've had for a long time now, and are goals which I think will add the most happiness to my life. More importantly, they are goals I can break down into smaller parts and start whittling away at them a little at a time.

For now:

Starting my own business: Develop graphic design skills. Take photoshop/illustrator classes/tutorials. I will never become a top-notch designer if my design skills aren't stronger.

Writing a book: I have an outline. Start fleshing it out!

I hope that by breaking down my long-term goals a little and giving myself reasonable expectations (rather than expecting to conquer the world in a matter of months!) I will have fewer moments of overwhelming disappointment...and hopefully will get a lot more accomplished.

The light at the end of the long-distance relationship tunnel

2009-05-17T23:22:00.000-07:00

I've been in a long-distance relationship for a little over a year-and-a-half now. My boyfriend has been in school at Oregon State since we started dating. I have lived in Minnesota, Washington, and Portland, respectively, since we started dating. We lived together for six months while Kellen was doing an internship in Portland, but apart from that, it's been a lot of phone calls and long drives and lonely, lonely nights.

The funny thing is, when Kellen and I first started dating (around 3 years ago when we both were living in Texas), Kellen was dead set against the whole long-distance thing. In fact, it's 99% of the reason why we broke up back then. I can't say I really blamed him at the time. Long-distance relationships (LDRs) require a lot of the people in them. In addition to the fact that you don't see each other every day (or even every week or every month, as the case sometimes is) and your relationship is forced to subsist on phone calls, texts and e-mails alone, it is almost impossible to have a successful long-distance relationship without substantive long-term goals, absolute trust, strong communication, and a lot of patience.

In LDRs, you must make your relationship a priority. Every conversation, every visit, almost any interaction requires scheduling, maneuvering, and making choices. If you've promised to call at 9 o'clock, you can't bail out just because your friends asked you to go out with them at 8:50, even if you've passed up the last five outings to stay home and talk on the phone. If your SO is coming up for the weekend, you might have to cram to get all of your work done before they arrive, so you don't spend time they've set aside to be with you doing other things. And then there's juggling work schedules, class schedules, and times in your phone plan when you can call for free while living two time zones apart and trying to get a full night's sleep at least some of the time and/or having a conversation where one of you isn't half-asleep already.

Beyond that, LDRs can be expensive. I was lucky in that when Kellen and I first started doing the LDR thing, I was a flight attendant. So while I lived 2,000 miles away in Minnesota, it was free for me to fly from Minnesota to Oregon, and I could fly pretty regularly (about once a month, schedule permitting) to see him. Still, Kellen had to pay for gas to drive up to Portland, and sometimes if I only had a day to spend with him, one of us had to pay for hotel. And even now, every weekend we pay the gas bill to drive a cumulative 200 miles back and forth between each other's houses. We're not even talking about the times when we went way over our cell phone minutes and ended up paying a couple hundred extra bucks to the phone company at the end of the month.

To be completely honest, long-distance isn't something I'd recommend for any couple. If there's a way to avoid it, by all means, do that instead. The thing that really kept Kellen and I together through the whole thing, I think at least, is the focus on the reward at the end. We have both known, for some time now, that we want to spend the rest of our lives together. Knowing that a couple of years of hassle would be worth decades of happiness together made it easier to say no to friends who asked us to go out when we couldn't, to pay for yet another plane ticket or another tank of gas, to spend a lot of time alone when other people our age were out with girlfriends and boyfriends and really living it up.

In some ways, being in an LDR means putting at least part of your life on hold. You spend a lot of time waiting. Unless you have something truly wonderful to look forward to at the end of that waiting period, or unless you are unbelievably patient, your LDR is probably not going to work out.

Fortunately for me, the end of the waiting period is getting very close. This weekend I'm going out of town to see my parents. The next weekend Kellen will be studying for finals. And then the weekend after that, he will finally be back in Portland with me for the first time in 9 months. I am so excited to have the opportunity to wake up beside him every morning, eat dinner with him every night, and be a normal couple for a while. I know it will be well worth the wait. I'm just so tired of waiting. Even three weeks seems like way too long to be apart!

If I had any advice to those who are in a long-distance relationship, or who are considering going into one (I know a lot of people are graduating right now, and graduations tend to spawn a lot of LDRs), it is to set goals for your relationship, make your relationship your first priority, and be clear with your partner about both of these things. Communication will be critical throughout the relationship. Patience and trust will be critical throughout. But honestly, if you don't have your priorities straight, if you don't have something concrete to work toward, you really should reconsider whether your relationship is worth holding on to, because an LDR will break your relationship faster than you can say, "But I love talking on the phone." (Trust me, you won't for long!) If it is worth holding onto, though, keep your eye on the prize, and best of luck!

Getting noticed at work

2009-05-14T16:15:00.000-07:00

So recently I interviewed at my own company for a promotion. While I think I did well in the interview overall, one of the areas where my supervisors hinted that I would need more work before I could be seriously considered for a leadership position is my visibility on the team. A couple of days before the interview, my direct supervisor brought up the same issue. He said that I seemed too quiet for the role and wondered how I would be able to handle managing a team.

I won't lie. I was a little surprised by the critique. While I know I'm an introvert, and on a personal level I can be shy sometimes, in all my previous positions I have had to be a strong communicator, personable and up-front. After all, my last job was being a flight attendant. But I've also worked as an RA in the dorms, as an Orientation Advisor for the University of Texas' super-massive new student orientation program (which my year saw nearly 10,000 new students in the course of a summer), and a whole host of other customer service positions. And at my last web developing job as a student developer at UT, within a year I had quickly been picked out as a leader among my coworkers and was quietly being positioned by management to take on a full-time role and possibly take over the entire team of student developers that I was a part of. This is the first time I've ever received the criticism that I fail to stand out among my colleagues, and more specifically that I fail to stand out as a leader and a strong voice, in a professional setting.

Since the interview, I've felt pretty disappointed in myself and have been trying to figure out some new ways to improve my visibility at work. The first thing I did was to try to understand why I had failed in this area where previously I have always been successful. One of the ways my current job differs completely from all the previous jobs I've had is that, whereas at my old positions team work, communication and visibility were almost unavoidable, at my current job I really have to go out of my way to get to know my co-workers. If I'm not careful, I can easily go a whole week without speaking (or even seeing) any of my co-workers, outside of the handful I work with directly and my cube mate. So while my introversion in previous positions was easily overcome because it had to be to get the job done, here there is nothing to keep my introversion in check. I need to be more conscious of the amount of time I spend in my cube and the amount of time I avoid (consciously or unconsciously) my co-workers.

Beyond that, though, I think I always assumed that high-quality work and strong performance would be enough to get me noticed. While this might be true with a smaller company or group, at my current company, I can do the best work in the world...but if no one knows my name, no one will know about the work I do at all. I know there are other people on my team whose names I don't know and whose work I am not familiar with. If I can be so in the dark about the work they do, I know they must be equally unaware of the work I do.

Now that I know my problem, what do I do next?

Speak up. Contribute more in meetings. If there's a project I'm interested in, let the supervisors (all of them) know I am interested. Talk more with my other team members. Don't be shy about letting people know what I'm working on and what I would like to work on. Most importantly, when I do speak up, be sure that I am articulate, knowledgeable and professional.
Get involved. Join special teams and projects. Lead a brown bag lunch session. Keep an eye out for growth opportunities, and let the managers and other team mates know about any ideas I have.
Be an expert. Increase my knowledge about the company and my skillset so when the supervisors need an expert on a given topic to give advice, to advocate for the team, etc., I can be a person they go to. Make my skills known so that when others need information or help, they know they can use me as a resource.
Do more than just my job. Always remember to take the work to the next level whenever possible. Anticipate needs and problems. While good work alone won't get me noticed, I will need to continue to do this if I want the notice taken of me to be good.
Network outside of work. Going to conferences, attending meet-ups and keeping up with the outside world will not only increase my knowledge about my field and my knowledge about the future of the work I do, I can also help recruit new team members as well as improve my team's reputation outside of work. Also, if I'm known outside of my company, it's entirely likely word will get back to people on my own team about the kind of work I do.
Have fun. If there's anything I've learned in all my years of customer service, it's that people like to be around someone who is happy and seems to be having fun...yes, even at work. I will do more to become noticed just by being friendly and positive than I probably would by doing all the work in the world. Plus...if I'm going to have to push myself out of my comfort zone, I might as well try to enjoy myself while I'm at it, right?

This is my personal road map for how to become more visible at work (and how to convince my supervisors and coworkers that I'm really not some shrinking violet!) so that hopefully in the future, I won't be passed over for new opportunities. Although, really, I think this can help anyone who struggles to get noticed at work. The hardest part will definitely be getting out of my cube more often. Hopefully, though, once I take the first step, the rest of it will get much easier with time.

Congrats, grad?

2009-05-13T13:50:00.000-07:00

By Daryl Cagle

With all my talk about the different generations on here, I thought this was pretty funny. ;)

Twenty Somethings in the News: Recessions can change everything

2009-05-11T16:51:00.000-07:00

The Family That Job-Hunts Together

On Sunday, the New York Times published an article about the Diamond family. The elder Diamonds had carefully prepared for retirement and for life as empty-nesters, once their sons completed college and moved on to greener pastures. However, the recession forced the entire to change their plans. Steve Diamond has come out of retirement to go back to work. Andrea Diamond is working for the first time in a long time, after being a stay-at-home mom for many years. And the two recently-graduated Diamond sons? Forced to move back home and live with mom and dad until the job market becomes more stable. The oldest, Matt (24-years-old), had accepted a job offer, but it was retracted when the economy fell apart in the fall and the company put on a hiring freeze.

What the article really drives home is how much the recession has affected even the best-laid plans. For those preparing for retirement, it has meant delaying those plans and remaining in or returning to the work force. For the young, it often means delaying independence and going into jobs that are lower-paying or outside of one's desired field.

This piece also highlights how attitudes toward careers have changed. Matt had always hoped to have a career in music, even having interned with a music house and performed well in the position. Though his father had suggested he go into something more practical and more profitable, Matt had argued for years that he would hold out for a career in music. His mother even encouraged him, arguing that if you want something badly enough, certainly you can make it happen. Now, though, Matt has started taking computer science classes and considering a more traditional track. "When I had the job at the music house, I was living my dream, but now it doesn’t seem live or die with music. I can always do music in my spare time."

I know I've felt this shift in my own field. I know many who are sticking with unsatisfactory work because they are afraid to take a cut in pay, are afraid to venture into a start-up or smaller company while the economy is still shaky, or because jobs are simply unavailable in certain sectors. I think there has certainly been a shifting away from looking for dream jobs to look for steady, safe work...at least in the short-term.

Do you feel that the recession has affected your field or your own career choices? Would you be doing things differently right now if there were no recession?

Drinking enough water

2009-05-08T08:50:00.001-07:00

I think many 20-somethings have a tendency to ignore their health. Whether it's because you're in college, because you think you're too busy, or maybe you're too broke, sometimes taking care of yourself can seem like a hassle or even an impossibility. And considering most 20-somethings often tend to think, "I'm young! I'm healthy! What could happen to me?" it kind of makes it easy to excuse your lack of attention to your health. I know I've certainly been that way for the past several years.

Now, though, I've started to notice the negative effects of not taking care of myself. Strange illnesses and health issues, small but obnoxious chronic problems. Most of these could probably be remedied by taking better care of myself: eating healthy foods, getting more sleep, and exercising more often.

One of the big things I've decided I want to start trying to rectify immediately, though, is how little water I drink. I'm not a big drinker of liquids in general. I can go most days with drinking less than half a glass of any given beverage. I'm just not that thirsty usually. Considering that often what I do drink is soda or tea, which are often diuretics, I'm thinking my fluid consumption might actually be somewhere in the negative range. A couple of weeks ago, I got a UTI, and it finally drove home the fact that I need to drink more water, all the time, not just when I'm sick as I usually do.

You need water to remove waste and toxins from the body, to keep all your moist parts (ear, nose, throat, joints) moist, and also to carry nutrients. Not drinking enough water can lead to all kinds of problems: heartburn, constipation, chronic joint pain, headaches, chronic fatigue, and a whole lot of other really rotten things that you probably don't want to deal with...like a UTI.

While I've read a lot of different recommendations about how much water you should drink each day (the consensus seems to lie somewhere around 8 glasses a day), the amount you should drink can vary depending on your weight, how much you exercise, your environment, and any health conditions you might have. I found a very cool calculator that tabulates how much water you should drink daily depending on your specific situation. What I've found out is that I'm coming in almost 50 oz. short of how much water I should be drinking every day. That's a pretty big deficit!

To remedy my personal aversion to drinking water, my next goal is to buy a good water bottle that holds 50 oz. of water, fill it up every morning before I go to work, and drink it all before I go to bed every night. It's pretty daunting for someone who almost never drinks anything, but I think my body will thank me for it later.

Resources:

Long time, no blog

2009-04-30T15:26:00.000-07:00

So it's been a while since I last blogged. In my defense, my life has been unusually exciting for the past week or two, and for about half of that time, either my laptop has been packed away, I've been without internet, or both. The reason for all this is two parts "Comcast is incompetent," one part "I have no motivation," and ten parts "I moved!"

So I've now officially moved...all of two miles up the road. However, that cuts my commute time in half, which means my gas bill will be cut nearly in half, too. The place is really nice, though. I got 300 extra square feet for an additional $3/month. My appliances aren't as new or swank, I don't have a doorbell or a back yard for Pippin to play in, and moving is expensive so I'm out close to $700 for the whole ordeal. But once Kellen and Max move in this summer (the extra 300 sq. ft. includes an extra bedroom), my rent is going to drop to $250 and my utilities will be practically negligible, which means for 6 months I'll be chucking away the extra $500/mo. at debt and can put all my current debt payments toward savings. I should have all my dental bills paid off by December, which is just...wow. I also have 10 more minutes added to my lunch break for the days when I come home, and as we all know, time is money! So, in the end, the place is a bargain, which is all I really need to make me happy.

I'm pretty excited about everything. All the important stuff is up and running. Most of the fairly-important-but-not-imperative stuff is out of boxes. Looks like everything is going to fit. The only bad part is that I left Pippin alone for half an hour on Sunday afternoon while I went to buy groceries, and he dug up (literally, dug) the carpet in the second bedroom. I'm hoping we can fix that ourselves, though, without having to call the management in or *shudder* having to pay to replace it.

Some other things have been going on, too. I've been sick since some time last week. Nothing major (not with treatment, anyhow), just annoying, and I've been shuffled from one antibiotic to the next trying to figure out what will work. Everything finally seems to be improving. Keep your fingers crossed.

I also got my first statement back from the insurance offered by my employer, which I enrolled for in January. My suspicions that they pay for nothing were confirmed, so I want to get myself good and well before I'm off my mom's insurance in July. (Since my brother is already on it, she can keep me on until I'm 25 for no extra charge. So for three more months, I have awesome insurance.) I'm going to start totaling up the cost of my after-insurance bills + premiums every month to see if it might actually be less expensive not to have insurance through my employer at all. Considering that so far, they've refused to cover anything, I'm beginning to think I'm being scammed out of $140/mo so they can pretend to insure me. Well, maybe I'm not being very generous. After all, they do have to pay postage on all of those statements they keep sending me that say, "We aren't covering any of this, sucker!"

I really hate insurance.

Did I mention I have joint custody of my dog?

2009-04-23T08:26:00.000-07:00

This is probably one of the weirder arrangements that has come along with being in a long distance relationship. Last year, Kellen lived with me for six months while he was doing an internship in Portland. When we first started dating, I often commented that I wanted a dog someday. Kellen vetoed that idea immediately. Why? "Dogs shed. Gross." (Note: That's not a verbatim quote, but pretty close.) So I spent the next several months convincing him that dogs are awesome (I grew up with six), and we would be getting one someday.

I've always known that I'm pretty persuasive, and with Kellen, particularly so, but...I wasn't expecting to be quite as convincing as I ended up being. When Kellen moved in, he decided it was time for a dog. Immediately. (He will tell you that this isn't the case. Believe me. It was all his idea.) He also wanted a puppy, which I tried to caution him against since puppies are only half as cute as they are trouble. "Let's get an old dog!" I said. But noooo. We had to get a puppy.

We spent some time researching breeds and ended up deciding that a beagle was the right dog for us. They are kid friendly, sturdy, and smart. And best of all? They have short hair. Kellen was pretty sold. We eventually found Pippin, our ridiculously adorable beagle mix, at the Oregon Humane Society. As far as puppies go, Pippin really wasn't that bad. He was house trained. For a hound, he's surprisingly quiet. (He only barks on command. Or makes little low "mmmmuff, mmmmuff" sounds when he sees another dog out the back window.) He's incredibly smart and easy to train. Sure, he chewed through a few pairs of shoes, and he runs up vet bills like you would not believe...but he's so cute and sweet, it's impossible not to love him to pieces anyhow.

Come September, though, it was time for Kellen to go back to school and with his return to school, we had to make a big decision: who gets Pippin? I swore for months that Kellen was taking his dog with him back to school, but when the time came to ship him off, I had a change of heart. Now, we share custody of the dog, and depending on who's busiest, we take turns keeping him. For the past few weeks, I've been Pippin-free. Kellen is at the beginning of his term, so his workload is pretty light, and I've had a string of dentist appointments and this week, I'm moving. But next week, Pippin will be back, and I'll be very glad to have someone to cuddle with on the couch again.

In a couple of months, Kellen will be moving back in for another six-month internship, and Pippin will no longer have to be shuttled back and forth between cities every weekend. I'll be glad to have both of them back home full-time again.

Why I always bring my lunch to work

2009-04-22T15:35:00.001-07:00

Broke Grad Student recently wrote a post about why he never brings his lunch to work. As some of you might know, Broke Grad Student writes mostly about how to be frugal, and as some of you might also know, eating out is one of the big no-no's among the frugal crowd. Just mentioning that you eat out will get you a chorus of boos and hisses from the penny-pinching set. And I hate to pile on, but...there is a reason why eating out is so frowned upon by frugal aficionados.

I take my lunch with me to work almost every day, and on the days that I don't, that's usually because I've gone home for lunch. (I have part-time custody of the dog while the boyfriend is away in school. When I have the dog, we go on a walk at lunch time.) The thing is, I really enjoy taking my lunches with me. I know that seems really weird, that doing something frugal would also be something pleasant, but hear me out.

1. It saves me money.

We're not just talking about a little money. I save a chunk of change every week by eating at home for all my meals. Carrying my lunch to work with me saves me about $50/week alone. When you consider the fact that five days of the week, I eat all of my meals at home, I save in the neighborhood of $100/week. That's $400/month. This is money that I put toward savings and credit card debt or, yes, small splurges for things that I want. I get an immense amount of satisfaction from the money I save, and for me, that's reason enough to eat at home.

2. It saves me time.

Whether I'm eating at home or at work, carrying my lunch saves me a lot of time. If I go home, I don't even have time to pick up food somewhere else. And generally speaking, it takes me 5-10 minutes to throw together a lunch in the morning before work. If I go out for lunch, I spend at least that much time (usually more) waiting in lines, waiting on food prep, waiting on wait staff, and traveling to an off-site location if I don't eat in the cafeteria at work. And because I prepared my food in advance, that usually means I have that extra time at my lunch break to enjoy a longer walk with my dog, to read a book, to run errands, etc.

3. It's healthier.

Granted, this isn't always true. If I packed nothing but PB&J and potato chips every day, there would be nothing healthy about it at all. However, because I've gotten in the habit of planning ahead for my lunch time meals, I make sure that my meals are the correct portion sizes, contain fresh ingredients, and fit into my dietary plans and needs. I don't eat fast food. I don't have to worry about the quality of ingredients. I don't worry about over-eating because the restaurant served portion sizes twice what I need. I don't have to worry about not being able to find something on the menu that will fit my needs. Packing your own lunch gives you greater control over your meals, and I've found that this is a very good thing.

4. I like my food better anyhow.

I used to hate cooking, but over time, it's grown to be one of my favorite things to do. Part of this is, again, the joy of saving money, but part of it is that as my skill in the kitchen have improved, so has the food that I make. Plus, I pick my favorite ingredients, my favorite seasonings, and my favorite combinations of foods. And just generally speaking, there are very few restaurants in my daily price range where their cooking staff can prepare a meal better than I can. My food tastes better. And if you'd told me that four years ago, when I couldn't even figure out how to pre-heat the oven without calling my mom, I would have laughed until my stomach ached. So if you want to use the excuse, "But I can't cook!" I'm sorry, but I'm here to tell you, "Oh, yes, you can."

So what should you do if you want to start brown bagging it more often?

For one, I advocate that you invest in quality food containers. I like ones with compartments and lids that seal very well, but generally speaking, I think durable and reusable are really the key things to go for. Bento boxes might also be something to look into, if you want to look adorable even when you bring your lunch to work. A nice insulated bag or lunchbox is nice to have, too. We're not talking about the plastic lunch pails with cartoon characters on them of yesteryear, either. You can get a lunch bag that is sporty, or sleek, or functional, or fun...or even one that looks like a purse. With the variety of options out there in terms of lunch bags, there's no reason why bringing your lunch to work should give others the impression that you still belong in grade school.

The next thing you'll need to do is plan ahead for your meals. This doesn't take much effort, trust me. It could mean as little as picking up extra supplies to make sandwiches when you are in the grocery store, or planning your meals so that your leftovers will translate into easy-to-pack lunches. Keep in mind that your brown bag doesn't need to be filled with pre-packaged lunchables, snack packs, potato chips and twinkies. Fresh fruits and veggies, salads, pastas, cheeses, and any other foods that generally stay in a single solid mass generally transport well. The City Cook and Lunch in a Box (bento blog) both have good suggestions for foods you can pack to bring to work with you.

In the beginning, you might struggle to squeeze the extra few minutes of packing a lunch into your daily schedule. One of the best tips I have to counteract that is to pack your lunch before you go to bed, and if you're planning to bring leftovers, just put everything together as you're cleaning up after dinner anyhow. If it's going into tupperware anyhow, might as well put it into the tupperware you're taking to work with you, right? Really, though, once you get in the habit of doing this every morning, you forget that you ever thought it was a hassle. And you'll even appreciate the added convenience of a packed lunch at lunch time when you, unlike everyone else, don't have to do anything to get ready to eat except maybe pop your food into the microwave.

It can be hard to keep it up at first, and that's something I definitely understand. It can be hard to convince yourself it's worth the extra ten minutes to pack your lunch, and it can be even harder to give up something that you see as a treat or as a perk for yourself. Still, I think it's important to note that once you get started in this new behavior, you might find new and different perks of changing the behavior. Like me, you could end up really liking it, and advocating it for more reasons than just the savings you get from doing it. And you can still eat out. I go out to lunch with coworkers once every couple of weeks, usually. However, it's become a rare treat, and it no longer interferes with my ability to stay on budget.

At any rate, everyone has to make the right choices for them. The Simple Dollar talks a lot about where you should draw the line between being frugal and just being miserable. If something makes you happy, by all means do it. However, I think it's important to think about whether an item you spend on regularly actually makes you happy, or if it's just a bad spending habit that you are, for whatever reason, not willing to break.

Update: My friend Hoon informed me that his wife Sarah recently wrote a post about safe food storage containers. It's a great post, especially for the health-conscious, so check it out!

Why do I long for the "good old days"?

2009-04-21T13:51:00.000-07:00

It's a natural human tendency to look back on a part of your life when you, your situation and your responsibilities were different, and to wax nostalgic for "happier times." Why else would we have phrases like "the good old days"? Sometimes I wonder about the purpose of nostalgia. Why do we look back to our past, and why do we do it with such unabashed and more often than not unwarranted good will?

I really liked college. I grew up in a teeny, tiny town in Northeast Texas. Mine was probably the only liberal, non-Christian family in the entire community. I was smart, wasn't interested in chasing boys, and had every intention of getting the hell out of Dodge as soon as I finished high school. (Note: Hometown will henceforth be referred to as Dodge.) I was, in short, the antithesis to pretty much everyone else I knew for the first 18 years of my life, and my stick-out-like-a-sore-thumb-ness wasn't lost on my peers...or anyone else I knew, really.

Going to a college in a city that everyone in Dodge referred to as the "queers" part of the "steers and queers" description of Texas was unbelievably liberating. Even though I struggled to make new friends at first, I loved Austin. And eventually, I made friends and I loved my friends. (*waves* Hi, friends!) And then I got into my upper division (and later, graduate) coursework, and I loved my classes and my research. In short, I was happy as a pig in mud. Or so nostalgia says.

Looking back on it, I know I'm leaving out a lot of the difficult stuff. I ignore the fact that I really struggled to make friends, and once I did have them, they were sometimes mean to me (or to each other) and that sometimes I got my feelings hurt. I ignore the fact that for several years, I barely slept or ate, and as a result, had recurrent bronchitis, chronic yeast infections, massive unneeded weight loss, crippling carpal tunnel, and a host of other bizarre health problems that kept Student Health Services busy for the five years I was in school. I ignore the fact that my work load was usually so high that I never got everything done, at least not to my satisfaction, and the never-ending self-flagellation over what I viewed as my subpar performance. I ignore (really ignore) the string of bad boyfriends and worse break-ups. Logically, I know it wasn't all sunshine and roses. But...

There are days when I really miss it. Like today when I come across a quote about the subaltern speaking, a phrase which references a key work by Gayatri Spivak that heavily influenced my graduate research. Or when I read an article about Austin or hear about someone going to visit Austin or read a blog by someone who lives in Austin. Or pretty much any time I see old pictures, or talk to one of my friends from college, or reminisce with the boyfriend about "the good old days." And sometimes even the bad stuff (e.g. bad breakups or not sleeping for five days straight) can be almost romanticized.

So why do I do this? Why do humans in general look back to the past with such fondness? I thought it might be "the grass is greener" situation. You look back, because you believe that any point in your life had to have been better then than it is now. But then, I think back upon high school and realize, no, I honestly don't think the grass was always greener in the past. So if it's not about the grass being greener, than what is it?

Patrick at Very Evolved wrote a really cool article about nostalgia and the brain. In part, nostalgia might be a sort of "natural anti-depressant." Because nostalgia is almost always associated with positive emotions, having something good to look back on, something that makes you feel good about yourself and about life in general, gives you something to hold onto when depression and/or apathy about yourself and your life might cause you to stop wanting to go on living. A little melodramatic, but definitely an interesting. I know when I'm feeling down about myself or my current situation, I just look back to my past and remind myself, "Hey! It hasn't always been that bad!"

Another theory is that you just feel good about yourself when you can accurately recall a memory. I've always prided myself on my long memory, and get a kick out of it when I remember something that no one else remembers, so maybe there's some truth to this one, too.

Whatever the reason:

"Nostalgia is exceptionally good at making us feel better when times are tough. It’s a little mental pick-me-up that reminds us of good times, good friends and a why it’s great to be alive."

So maybe it's not so bad that I look back over my shoulder. As long as I'm making some good memories now to be nostalgic about later, it can't be too bad, right?

The Gen X Files asks: Is the Millennial Generation a bunch of Cylons?

2009-04-20T15:18:00.000-07:00

The Gen X Files:

"Science fiction has a history of taking on social concepts, from Star Trek with it’s strong social themes to Star Wars which was profiled by Bill Moyers and Joseph Campbell as the modern telling of the Hero’s Journey. Thinking in those terms, of the mythical meaning of the Battlestar Galactica, (which is produced and directed by Boomers and X’ers), I couldn’t help but wonder if the battle going on right now between the generations is represented in the story."

I found this analysis both humorous and thought-provoking. I recommend reading.

20-somethings and mental illness

2009-04-17T10:02:00.000-07:00

I have multiple friends and family members in their early 20s who suffer from mental illness. I have watched them struggle to maintain their social lives, their family relationships, their finances, their jobs. I have watched them struggle with medication changes, paying for medications/treatment, suffering the consequences when they can no longer afford their medications/treatment. 20-somethings are often less likely to seek treatment for mental illness, less likely to be able to afford treatment, less likely to have support through treatment, and more likely to have their first experiences with mental illness than any other age group.

One in five young adults suffers from mental illness. For many, the onset of mental illness begins just as they are leaving their parents' homes, leaving school systems where they are under adult supervision for most of the day, and are entering either into the workforce or into college where they have far less supervision and where their problems are far less likely to be noticed by someone else who cares enough to help them. It comes as they are experiencing higher levels of stress than they are accustomed to (as a result of college workloads, new jobs, more serious relationships, having children, and increased financial responsibilities), which can serve as triggers for mental illness. Many mental illnesses, such as schizophrenia and bipolar disorder, also tend to manifest themselves when a person is in their late teens or early 20s.

Despite the high numbers, relatively few young adults suffering from mental illness seek treatment—as low as 25%. This isn't particularly surprising when you consider that 20-somethings are less likely in general to seek treatment for any kind of ailment, to receive regular preventative care, or to have health insurance. There's even (yet another) term for young people who fall into this category: the young invincibles. It's even less surprising when you consider that many people in the general population are reluctant to seek treatment for mental illness, not only because of the cost and frustration that comes with treatment, but also because of the social stigma attached to mental illness.

All the same, when you consider that people in their 20s experience among the highest rates of suicide of any age group, it becomes clear that treating mental illness should be a priority for our age group.

More links:

Big news at work: Moving on up?

2009-04-14T22:17:00.000-07:00

So a position has come open at work that I'm ~~kind of~~ really excited about. I don't want to get my hopes up too high because I know there is at least one other highly qualified person at work who is interested in the position (and there are possibly others), and I don't want to get myself all worked into a tizzy when it's very likely I won't get it. BUT...

It's a project management position, which I think sounds like a basket of kittens. While I really love web developing (I've been coding for half my life at this point—I think I would have to like it to do it for so long), I'm always excited about the opportunity to try something new, and I've been wanting to get more involved in the process that goes into getting a massive corporate website like the one I work on from rough sketches on paper to being live on the internet pretty much since I started at my current company. It would be a really big step up, but I feel like it would be something I'd be very good at doing. To be honest, just thinking about it makes my inner control freak (who is not so internal sometimes) start doing cartwheels. That's not to say I want to control everything. I'm just saying I have a knack for finding efficient, effective ways for getting things done, and I often find myself saying at work, "You know, there's a better way to do this." I think that makes me pretty spot on for this position. I know I'll still have a lot of people over me, but this way I would have a lot more input, for influencing process, and a lot more potential to really do some great things at work.

So keep your fingers crossed for me. Like I said, I don't know how good my chances are or if I'm even in the runnings, so I'm not getting cocky about it. I just think this is a fantastic opportunity, and it's always good to have something to be excited about, right?

PS: I realize all of this is being pretty vague. I just don't want to get too specific since I'm still not entirely comfortable with blogging about work.

"So when are you going to reproduce?"

2009-04-13T11:14:00.000-07:00

Yesterday the boyfriend and I spent Easter with his parents, my future in-laws. While we were sitting around talking after dinner, the future mother-in-law (henceforth known as FMIL) and my boyfriend's brother's girlfriend (henceforth known as H2) started talking about weddings. H2 and my boyfriend's brother (henceforth known as H1) started dating something like six years ago, when they were still in high school, and so like the boyfriend and me, it's pretty much a given they will get married eventually.

As H2 started talking about all of her big wedding plans, I got kind of excited that someone else would be doing the big wedding that the boyfriend's family is so fond of, and I chirped in (stupidly), "Good! That means the pressure's off me to have the big wedding!"

Wrong thing to say.

FMIL swivels to give me a hard look. "Oh, so that's what you think?" She was just kidding, but it did mean that suddenly the scrutiny over wedding dates was now on me. So the question had to be asked (as it is regularly asked by all of my relatives too), "So when are you getting married?"

I really hate the question, "When are you getting married?" I have no idea when I'm getting married. I don't even know when I'm getting engaged. That alone could be over a year away. So wedding? I don't know. And when I look to my boyfriend to help me out, he's staring very pointedly off into space, faux ignoring the whole conversation. Thanks, boyfriend!

Luckily, I have some experience with this question, and I managed to deflect through the magical powers of the "My boyfriend is still in college" excuse. Unfortunately, though, answering this question just means it's time to move on to bigger fish. You know the question I'm talking about.

"So when are you going to have kids?"

Uhhhh... I think it's worth pointing out that my boyfriend is still in school. We're only 24, three years younger than any of our parents were when they started spawning. Kellen doesn't even have health insurance. On what planet are we qualified to have kids? (Don't answer that. I know many people think functioning reproductive organs are all you need to qualify for baby-making.) And, you know, I'm not ready to have kids. I want to enjoy my size 4 bikini body while I have it. I want to enjoy my free time while I have it. I want to enjoy traveling and snuggling with my boyfriend and going to movies whenever I want and getting to do nothing in the evenings and the weekends and pretty much whenever the eff I want for as long as possible. I want to start a savings account and pay off my credit card debt and get to enjoy my income for a while.

I just don't want children right now. It's not even something I really want to discuss. And while I know my response to the question probably leads people to believe I don't want children at all or that I'll be a selfish mother if I do have them, neither of these is true. I just want my life to myself for a little while longer. I know that's horribly selfish, but better for me to indulge that impulse now than a few years from now when I do have children.

I don't know. It's a question that makes me nervous just answering it. I know people are going to pass judgment no matter how I answer the question, and I know there are going to always be rebuttals. "But, dear, no one is ever ready to have children." Maybe not. But I know a lot of people who make the decision that now is the best time, actually go out of their way to try to have them, and then are very, very excited when they find out they are pregnant. I don't want to have children at any point in my life if the response to the plus sign is tears. I know that day will come at some point in the probably not too distant future, but for now, I'm happy with my life the way it is.

Anyhow. Apart from that, I had a really lovely weekend. I love the boyfriend's parents and had a great time hanging out with them this weekend. I'm super happy that they will be my kids' grandparents someday, because they are wonderful, wonderful people. I just hope everyone is cool with the fact that for now my reproductive mantra is, "No babies."

Happy Easter!

2009-04-11T19:50:00.000-07:00

This weekend, the boyfriend and I are headed to the Coast to celebrate Easter with his family. I'm kind of excited. While I've celebrated holidays belatedly with Kellen's family before, this is my first actual holiday with his folks. His brother and his brother's girlfriend will also be there. It should be pretty fun.

All the same, I can't help but feel a little sad that I'm missing out on the fun back home. I talked to my mom this afternoon, and they'd celebrated Easter today. My whole family came to my parents' place, ate burgers (a new tradition, I guess?), and my cousin's little girl went on several egg hunts. Mom said she teared up a little as they were preparing for the festivities. All the family would be there except her kids.* I think she'll be fine, though. She was talking about opening a bottle of wine and relaxing on the back porch when I called, so I'm assuming she's moving on to other things.

Growing up, I came from a big, close knit family. Every Saturday, we would have dinner (in Southern speak, this is lunch) at my great-grandmother's, and every Sunday, we would have dinner at my grandmother's. I had several cousins that I saw on a weekly (at least) basis. In a lot of ways, they seemed more like siblings because they were always there, and certainly when I was younger, more constant companions than any of my other friends.

The holidays were always a complete mess, with kids running everywhere, lots of noise, and lots and lots of love.

Easters were always very fun. They would start first thing Sunday morning with presents from the Easter bunny and an egg hunt around the house. Then, my mom would dress my brother and me to the nines. Some years, my aunt would pick us up for church. Other years, we skipped church and went straight to my grandmother's. What I remember most about Easters are the big dinners (with deviled eggs and mashed potatoes...mmm) and the egg hunts in my grandmother's back yard. My older cousins, the red heads Sarah and Toni, would hide eggs for us younger kids.

As I got older, the holiday changed. For one, all of the kids grew up. Even Kelli, who is four years younger than the youngest of us grew up and got too old for the tradition. Easters became more like every other Sunday: lots of food, lots of family, not so many egg hunts. And when I started college, I usually didn't even come home for Easter, because school rarely ever gave us an extra day off to make the 12-hour round trip worth it. Still...I get nostalgic looking back on the holiday as it was when I was little.

This isn't my first year to spend Easter with a boyfriend's family. My freshman year of college, I got my first "real" boyfriend, and his parents invited me to spend Easter with them. It was the first time I'd actually met them, and I was kind of nervous about it—not least of all because they were sort of the stereotypical East Texas conservative types, and I was sort of...not that at all. All the same, it ended up being a pretty good experience. Everyone seemed to like me, his mom made me an Easter basket which made me feel very sweet, and I didn't get outed as the evil liberal I am...that time.

This year is obviously a little different. For one, I know Kellen's family pretty well already, and they love me because I'm an evil liberal. For another, this is a family I know I'm going to be a part of long-term, which means that the Easter traditions they have are going to become in many ways my traditions, too.

I wonder what kinds of memories our kids will have of Easter. Kellen and I are both one of two children in our families, so obviously, the number of cousins our kids will have to run with will probably be a lot smaller. Also, because our families are all over the United States, it's less likely our kids will see their cousins as often as I saw mine growing up. It's weird to think that my kids could have such a different experience growing up than my own...but I guess that's a part of starting a new family. Making your own traditions.

Anyhow. I'm really missing my mom and all the rest of my family today, and maybe I'm missing childhood a little, too. But I'm also very excited about the future.

* My brother is in the Air Force and is in training in California.

Comparing arguments about Gen Y

2009-04-09T13:29:00.000-07:00

How 'entitlement attitudes' harm America

"Alarmingly increasing numbers of Americans, however, seem to have difficulty seeing any limits to their entitlement, and as a result of their "entitlement attitudes," they're behaving in ways that are harming themselves in the short run and the country in the long run. These are the 20-somethings who took six years to earn bachelors' degrees, left college with $10,000 in credit card debt, and still feel entitled to big-screen televisions because "other people" have them, even though "other people" have worked harder, educated themselves better and saved longer... Slowly, over time, with the help of their parents, their teachers and our popular culture, entitlement attitudes blossomed, grew and ripened into full-blown, individual and societal, economic and interpersonal, disasters.

"Well-meaning parents are the foremost instillers and nurturers of entitlement attitudes. When they go beyond satisfying all of their children's needs and start satisfying all of the children's wants as well, these parents not only "spoil" the kids figuratively, but they also literally spoil the kids' chances of learning how to manage resources responsibly. When kids learn to expect excess rather than to anticipate scarcity, they learn to expect needs and wants to be satisfied equally rather than to differentiate and prioritize between and among them. They also learn to expect others to make sacrifices for them rather than to be self-reliant. They lose the connection between getting what they want and doing something of value, and they learn to go about getting what they want by placing demands on others rather than by making themselves useful to others."

Most 20-Somethings avoiding shortcuts, taking proven paths

"Fast forward to 2009 and the argument that 20 Somethings are softening America’s economic drive and resolve plus are generally self-centered. Get real. Yes, there are probably those that are guilty as charged but that applies to every age group.

"Those stepping forward to fill most of the military ranks are still 20-Somethings. And when it comes to having their head screwed on straight about delayed gratification when it comes to building a life, 20-Somethings in Manteca look especially smart.

"It is easy to come across those in their 20s – single and married – who are resisting dining out every night, spending tons of money on entertainment, pursuing new car lust, or spending every last dime so they can buy homes. They aren’t mortgaging to the max. They aren’t insisting on granite counter tops. They understand needs are more important than wants. They don’t talk of starter homes. They talk of paying off the mortgage.

"The generation of 20-Somethings may actually be more attuned to living within their means than any generation since the Great Depression. It has something to do with the current economic crisis created by easy money and greed that ballooned housing prices that led to the mortgage meltdown. They also saw the dot.com boom go bust.

"If the truth be told, though, most 20-Somethings never got caught up in the get rich quick or entitlement mindset."

I think it's interesting to look where different arguments about Gen Y come from. Age, for instance, creates a pretty significant difference. I think older generations are obviously more inclined to look down on the generations that follow. It's a mix of "When I was your age, I had to walk three miles, uphill, barefoot, in the snow" critiques, as well as the fear that everything is going to go to the dogs once you're no longer there to protect it.

I think politics also have something to do with it. For conservatives, who see the movement away from marrying early, starting a family, and joining the traditional workforce as a negative thing for society at large, there's little surprise that the younger generation's delaying of "adult" responsibilities (i.e. getting a job, getting married, having children) is seen as bad.

I'm sure a lot of other factors go into this difference of opinion. Still, it's so funny to see different people taking the same information, the same group, and drawing such wildly different conclusions.

Is moving back home with your parents really that weird?

2009-04-08T15:58:00.000-07:00

There are many who argue that moving back home with your parents after college or after entering the real world is somehow synonymous with failure. Young adults who move back home are often characterized as people who have failed to grow up, given names like "kidult" and "adultolescents", all which stress the idea that these are people who have not yet exited childhood. In talking about this group, there is often an emphasis on the fact that people who move back home obviously do so to avoid the real world, to delay adult responsibility, to receive hand-outs and free services from mom and dad, and generally speaking, to act like moving home is a permanent grade school summer vacation of endless laziness and self-indulgence.

However, this isn't necessarily true. Many kids are moving back home because it seems like the most financially responsible thing to do. Considering that entry level wages have not kept up with the pace of inflation, most 20-somethings are less able to be financially independent than their parents were 30 years ago, even when they are in the same fields or positions. Beyond that, young adult employment rate is twice as high as that of the general employment rate, and at a time when many are being laid off, companies are often hiring older, more experienced employees in positions where they once would have hired those fresh from college, or those who might have been retiring have delayed doing so because they've lost a large percentage of their retirement funds in the stock market.

Because the number of people who have college degrees have gone up over the years, it means that young people often have to get more education to perform the same jobs—leaving 20-somethings entering the work force later than previous generations and with more debt. Many see living with their parents as a way to reduce their own spending, while paying down debt and saving for their future. Other things that have been regularly cited as reasons for young people to delay striking out on their own: they are remaining unmarried and childless longer, they often delay entering the workforce to volunteer or to travel, and generally speaking are taking on the traditional responsibilities of adulthood later.

Knowing all of that, why is there still the stigma that moving back home with your parents is a sure sign of failure to grow up?

Well, because for the last 100 years or so, moving out has been the moment that has defined both adult independence and adult success. While perhaps in the earlier half of the century unmarried women might remain in their parents' home after receiving an education, overwhelmingly the marker of adulthood has been getting a job and living on your own. However, Stephanie Coontz, an academic who specializes in history and family studies, says that this has not always been the case. In the 19th century, it was not as uncommon to see adults living with their parents as it is today. In fact, it wasn't until there was a cultural shift in the 1950s regarding what constitutes a happy marriage and a happy family that people began to discourage adult children from living with their parents. Looking at living with your parents and notions of adulthood and independence in this light, it begins to become clear that what constitutes adulthood and independence are more social constructs than anything. But...does that still mean you've failed to "grow up" by our cultural standards? Have you failed in our society?

I don't think so. More and more adult children are moving back home, and not so they can spend all day watching porn in their basement-cum-living-quarters while Mom does their laundry and brings them PBJ sandwiches all day long. Most these days have jobs, have financial obligations they are meeting, and are contributing financially and/or in terms of responsibilities in their parents' home. Some parents even say it's given them a financial break. Also, many families cite that it has fostered closer inter-generational relationships and that they feel like they appreciate and respect one another more for the experience. That's not always the case, obviously, but...

I'd say that rather than writing off every kid who moves back home as just another mooching slacker, we should argue that moving back home could actually be a responsible thing to do and the sign not of failure, but rather of a smart transition into adulthood. And just like there was a shift in the 50s of what constituted adulthood and independence (and also when adulthood and independence was socially conferred upon a person), then it's entirely possible we're going through a similar cultural shift now. In 10 years, living with your mom and dad could be completely normal. As it stands now, I would say that before we make any arguments about whether young people are actually "failing to grow up" simply because they're going back to their parents' home, maybe we should evaluate the individual circumstances and see how the concept of adulthood and independence are changing, perhaps not even necessarily for the worse.

Up to 39 hits from Pittsburgh Craigslist

2009-04-08T08:19:00.001-07:00

Seriously...why?

This is a conversation I have with my boyfriend pretty regularly.

2009-04-07T22:51:00.001-07:00

(via.)

Adding this to the long list of things I need to work on.

The impulse to leave everything behind.

2009-04-07T17:06:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I get this impulse to set everything on fire (figuratively--definitely not literally) and walk away from my life completely. I just want to go someplace new and start all over again, watch my life take shape in a place where no one knows me, where no one has any preconceived notions about me or pre-existing judgment. Someplace where I have complete freedom to be myself, do whatever I want, and ignore all the rules we're told to follow.

I know this impulse comes from the fact that I want to stop following all the rules but am too afraid to. I think somehow that if I can get away from my current life, maybe the rules will matter less. If I'm not the same person anymore, maybe I won't care. I know that's not true, but that's still the impulse.

Do you ever feel like this? Do you ever wish you could just walk out on your life and start somewhere completely new, as a completely new person?

Gen Y: The definitions of adulthood have changed.

2009-04-06T22:34:00.000-07:00

A pretty cool response to this post about 20-somethings delaying adulthood:

I think that the notion that 20-somethings are all fragmented, dissillusioned, dreamy-eyed wanderers is simplistic at best; history is full of stories idolizing the noble wanderer (the Beat generation, etc). I think the real question is, what has our society done to incentivize joining the “rank and file”? Without pensions, and with our shrinking 401(k) plans and our inability to buy appreciating homes and properties; without the knowlege that joining the “rank and file” would actually be better than, say, freelancing our unique talents, or collection experiences in different jobs rather than stasis in a career, why would anyone make such a choice?
Same thing with the spouse/kids thing. The world is smaller now and more accessible, but more expensive. People want experiences that were never available to our parents or our grandparents. Our grandparents fought and feared the Japanese; today its a tourist destination known for its food and quirky fashion and oddball vending machines. Will our grandchildren buy tickets to Disney’s Iraq Theme Park? Or will it all just be gone, obliterated, dusty bits of old money and sand and ash? We don’t know. There’s so much uncertainty.
20-somethings are not shirking “adult” responsibilities. I think the definition of what an “adult” responsibility is has fundamentally changed. 20-somethings are merely adapting their outlook and actions to a world where security, responsibility, and the notion of “the adult” is much different than the generation before us.
—I just want to show you something

I'm driving everyone at work crazy with my constant absences.

2009-04-06T11:39:00.000-07:00

But before I launch into that part, I must back up...to the beginning. Last January, shortly after I quit the flight attendant gig and began looking for other work, I started to notice something kind of weird going on in my mouth. A baby tooth, one that I've known since I was about 6 had no adult tooth underneath it, started to fall out.

For several months, first because I was unemployed and then because I was employed but still didn't have the time-off or the money to go the dentist, I ignored the fact that the tooth was falling out. And when I say "ignore," I mean I did my typical worry wart thing where I think about it non-stop, become a woman obsessed, google it, ask questions on those "Ask a Dentist" forums and generally speaking, think the sky is falling because my tooth is coming out. I'm sure you've all realized that this is what I do by now.

In September, after hitting my six month mark at work and after finally building up a reserve of cash which I thought might cover at least part of what I knew was inevitable (taking the tooth out and getting a replacement), I went to the dentist. And over the following seven months, I've had a series of dental procedures to: remove the tooth, crown the tooth next to the missing tooth to prevent it from breaking in surgery, reinforce the gum with a bone graft, have a titanium post implanted in my jaw. Eventually, there will be a crown there, too.

This has meant a lot of visits to the dentist. I'm guessing I've been to the dentist 15-20 times in the last seven months. (No exaggeration.) When you add to that the fact that my dentist office has a chronic problem with punctuality (I now assume that I will wait an hour before they bring me in, and that the time it will take to do any given procedure will be at least double what the dentist tells me in advance), we're talking a LOT of hours spent in the dentist office. I used up all of my sick time last year (32 hours worth) all in the dentist office...and then almost 2 days of my vacation time to cover the rest. And I'm already almost in the hole for sick time so far this year.

The number of absences of course isn't lost on my boss, who has to scrounge up coverage for me every time I'm out. Last week, we had a major launch of a website at work (the biggest we've ever done) due at noon on Monday, but from 8-10 on Monday morning I was sitting in a dentist chair having a titanium post drilled into my face. If anything had happened with one of my assignments or suddenly there was a need for an extra thing to be completed before noon, it's entirely likely I could have missed the deadline. I didn't, which is great, but I know it makes my boss (and the rest of my team) uneasy because I miss work so much, sometimes at really critical times, because I'm sitting in the dentist's office. (If I hadn't scheduled the procedure weeks before the launch stuff, that wouldn't have happened, obviously.)

I'm almost done with all of the dental procedures, and I'm hoping I don't have any health-related absences again for a very long time. The whole experience, though, has made me really appreciate working at a place that has sick time, because not all places do. (The flight attendant gig subtracted pay for every missed day.) The experience has also driven home the fact that if you do really well at work, people are more forgiving if you miss, say, 60 hours of work in a handful of months for health-related reasons. I still feel like I'm driving everyone crazy, though. Only a few more visits...I just keep telling myself that. Hopefully nothing else will come up.

My question is: How on earth do people with kids ever make it through a year without going way over on their sick time?

I've gotten 15 hits from Pittsburgh craigslist.

2009-04-06T08:05:00.000-07:00

In my experience, there are only three reasons why someone gets put on craigslist, and I am neither unwanted furniture nor a job advertisement.

Should I be worried?

Twenty Somethings in the News: Delaying Adulthood

2009-04-05T22:52:00.000-07:00

USA Today: It's time to grow up later.

Reading this, what struck me is both how true a lot of this is, and also how easily the truth in this could be taken the wrong way and turned into arguments like the one I recently critiqued. I do feel a lot like one's 20s have sort of become a big unknown. Whereas 30 years ago, your 20s were a time to find a job, get married, have babies, buy a house and settle down, young people these days are more cautious about making those big life-changing decisions and more focused on figuring out what they want from life and how best to pursue those desires. Not surprisingly, a lot of these desires do not involve a cubicle job at 25 with a spouse and a couple of kids up the spout. I can see how in a lot of ways this is comparable to an extended adolescence, because it is a delaying of traditional responsibilities and because many more young people are financially reliant on their parents at this point than they were a few decades back.

However, I think this sense of "extended adolescence" plagues even those of us who do have stable jobs, who do support ourselves...even those of us who choose to start families at a younger age—perhaps even moreso because we often feel like we are wasting our potential by doing what people have always done. I think that this extended adolescence is less about what responsibilities we have, and more about a lack of definite direction in our lives, a definite idea of what it is we're supposed to be doing. Most of us, though, don't refer to this as an extended adolescence. We call it a quarter life crisis...or that period in our lives where we are trying to figure out who we are, what we want from life, and where we want to be. And in that sense, we are able to do that kind of questioning for a lot longer than any previous generation.

What I think is interesting is that this article doesn't accuse us of being spoiled or lazy because we've delayed taking on traditional adult responsibilities, but rather looks at the facts. People just don't settle down as early anymore. Because of easy access to the pill, we don't have to worry about pregnancy or marriage as much as our parents did. Education doesn't go as far as it once did, and more and more people are attending school longer and at much greater expense than previous generations to achieve similar results, making settling down and starting a career more difficult when you are young. Our generation has also seen how marrying at a young age ups the odds for divorce, and many of us shy away from making that commitment when we are young.

In short, a lot of what we're experiencing is a function of practical realities—not a lot of coddling or parental hand-holding. And a lot of what we're going through isn't about living high on the hog on our parents' dime, but rather is about trying to find the right place for ourselves in the world, about rising above tradition and really doing something exceptional. Is that such a bad thing?

What the article doesn't address, though, is what will happen after our 20s. What will happen to us when we enter our 30s? Will we suddenly start jumping into the rank and file of older Americans who did the traditional 9-to-5, spouse, house, kids thing for 40 years and then retired to their RVs and games of bridge? Will all of the idealism that is so apparent and tangible with our generation disappear as we get older and begin taking on "adult" responsibilities more and more? Or will this searching, this striving for something more and something better be a defining part of our generation even into old age? Is this an extended adolescence or a permanent change in values and goals?

That's a question maybe no one can answer.

White People Problems

2009-04-04T17:22:00.000-07:00

Funny Videos | Funny Cartoons | More Video Clips

(via.)

I could totally rename my blog this. ;)

Twenty Somethings in the News: Young men aren't interested in marriage (or, tell me something I didn't know)

2009-04-01T19:52:00.000-07:00

Half of 'twenty-something' men shun relationships

While this is a statement almost any single girl in her 20s could probably tell you without thinking twice, the Gender Institute at the London School of Economics has turned this into a scientific conclusion. Out to prove that the decreasing numbers of 20-somethings joining the married ranks isn't due to 20-somethings cohabitating, the Gender Institute's study found that really, it's because men just aren't interested in getting married. Ever.

Of course, what the Gender Institute didn't really explain was why this is happening. They hypothesize that it might have something to do with the fact that there is no stigma attached to men not settling down these days, but somehow, that doesn't seem like enough to fully explain the trend. Why do you think men are waiting longer to settle down or avoiding it altogether?

Sometimes I complain on my blog.

2009-04-01T16:47:00.000-07:00

And apparently this fact REALLY annoys people. I've received almost as many attacks for complaining about things going on in my life on my blog as I have for voicing my opinions on abortion, religion, feminism, politics, or pretty much any other controversial topic that I regularly bloviate about (and I'm very opinionated and very vocal, so we're talking about lots of opportunities for attack.)

So I just want to set a little disclaimer, for all of you who think blogs should be all about puppies and sunshine and who have violent allergic reactions to any and all whining (unless, of course, it's your own, which you will invariably post in my comments section): sometimes I bitch about my life in my blog. You can call it venting, or indulging my inner brat, or being a pessimist or just plain being obnoxious, but it's something I do, and it is something I will continue to do probably for as long as I have a blog. Griping here doesn't mean that I hate my life, that I don't appreciate what I have, or that I always complain. I don't do any of these things, and in fact, I keep a blog largely so that I can get my complaints out all at once and keep them contained. Not that my saying this will convince anyone on the internet of its truth, since most people prefer to believe whatever they want to believe.

Regardless, if you don't like my blog, you're welcome to click the little X in the top right-hand corner or the little red button in the top left-hand corner, and never read any of my bitching again. For people who are so put off by my complaints that they can't resist complaining about it themselves in my comments, I really only have one word for you: hypocrite. For all the advice I've gotten about "Get over it!", I've yet to have a single one of these people actually do that themselves.

So, really, what I do with my life doesn't affect you, and nobody's forcing you to read my blog. You are perfectly welcome to leave. I, however, am not obligated to change what I write about, or how I feel for that matter, just because someone else doesn't like it. I've been pretty committed to being myself for, oh, 24 years now, and if middle school and high school didn't stamp out all desire I had to say exactly what I think and to be exactly who I am, then you can pretty much put money on it that some asshole on the internet with nothing better to do with his or her time than read my blog and then bitch about it isn't going to change that about me now.

Thanks for reading.